I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

I think it sounds to me like you’ve shrunk your world to the things that DO matter to you - your DC.

Perhaps after being raised the way you were you’re simply just too exhausted to give a shit beyond that? I dunno, like you say, it’s complex.

My poor DD has been irreprapably damged by a parent exactly like hoppinggreen.
That parent also was unaware of the damage, was unable to keep the facade up... hanged themselves by their own petard.

All people with NPD die lonely. It just gets brutal.

Yes but it wouldn’t be coming from the heart. Your brain can make you ‘act’ in a loving way while your heart is empty and I don’t believe (from my experiences with my ex and my friend) that the heart can be re-wired.

@BunnyLake - this consciousless element is the hardest thing to acknowledge.

I am sorry to hear about your husband - I think what you have posted is the core of the emotional damage they do. They insist that any issues are yours or the children, and that there is nothing wrong with them. We have a few on here stating their deceptions and how good they are. To me, this is deeply deluded and self serving. I can understand why it is said, because the alternative is that the ones that love you do not really know that there is no "you". They don't. And a narcissist will never say because to share these secrets will repulse people.

This is why narcissists become depressed or lonely or indeed drink, Tragically they are keen on family and can be very good at ticking the boxes re external success. But the emotional damage is of course not something they can change,

Sounds tough but believe me or not my DC are fine and so is DH
Unless he drops dead before me I am unlikely to die alone.
I am aware of the damage I could POTENTIALLY cause my DC so I don't and I don't have NPD I am apparently a Sociopath.
The parents who damaged your DD either didn't know they needed to mask or didn't want to, its very different

And I don't congratulate myself at all for being able to mask, its necessary so I do it.
I wouldn't congratulate myself for any basic ability that makes my life and the lives of my DC easier.
I will never convince some people on here that I have normal and loving relationships with my DC and that I genuinely love them but fortunately that doesn't matter to me.
It does annoy me slightly if I am honest as I hate being accused of lying, surprisingly I am pretty honest - I also have to mitigate that as people don't generally like it

You are deluded.

My ex has been married on more than one occasion and has children from these relationships.

The kids are all grown up now and have a great relationship with each other. They all also have a good relationship with their dad, but when I say good I mean it’s a relationship that only really functions now they are all adult and he is no longer the ‘alpha’ (they're all strapping lads) and they understand who he is. I gave our own kids a huge amount of love and support growing up to help compensate for their dad’s inadequacies and physical absence. They don’t hate their dad at all and will happily spend time (not too much time though) with him. They say he is their role model, but not as someone to aspire to but as someone not to.

Sorry forgot to add the point of my response (I went off on a tangent). After all the relationships, marriages, children he is now living alone after another divorce, very unlikely to ever have a relationship again and no one will be caring for him in his old age (he’s 70 now).

So far...

Alone. For sure.

No, you are claiming to have knowledge you couldn't possibly have.
Obviously you or someone you care about has been hurt by someone like me and that is a shame but bears no relation to me or my family.
You should probably stop projecting your own experiences onto my DC, they are loved and love me.
I won't convince you of that but I don't really care. I have a better idea than someone on a forum who has never met any of us.

I have no inner dialogue , and definitely have empathy for others. In my case it's part of aphantasia [no mind's eye , which includes other things which don't affect my personality] .

Well you certainly have a lot more self awareness than my ex or friend, which probably helps a lot in helping keep things running smoothly.

I repeat. You are deluded.

I repeat, you have no idea what you are talking about
I could genuinely do this all day

I think that is the key, I like things to run smoothly and I know what I need to do for that to happen

I understand you're talking about personality disorders but thank you for clarifying. You either fulfill the criteria or you don't. You can be on a spectrum within the criteria but you'll display the behaviour.

The sociopath I knew wouldn't hurt animals, so he had empathy in that sense but he set light to his home with his family in it.

Sociopaths are impulsive and don't care about the consequences of their actions. They don't care about others.

Everyone has narcissistic traits but to be diagnosed with a personality disorder, you fulfil certain criteria.

It's either that (calculated lies) or she simply doesn't have ASPD. Impossible to tell which. Pointless even trying.

I agree but there is no way I would hurt my family (despite what some people on here think) so there are degrees of behaviour
And again I DO care about a very very small number (2.5) of others

Why are you talking about yourself? Are you a diagnosed sociopath?

Not lying (although I would say that anyway) AND been diagnosed so make of that what you will.

I am (apparently)
Who knows really, I have some traits but as I have said before I don't have others and I really really love my kids (but not in a Peter Andre way)

How does it manifest?

You need to go and read the thread, its all there.
Let me know if you have any questions, I am happy to answer.

I was going to ask upthread actually, as you mentioned being diagnosed by a HP and also a counsellor confirmed. Was it a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist? And what led to the diagnosis?