Beautiful child, how to respond

[Mlovelybabies]

This obviously sounds like a not-stealth boast, but how do I respond to comments about DD’s appearance? She is 2 and DS is 6. They’re both adorable but DD is especially striking, people cross the street just to comment on her beauty. (She looked like a potato when she was tiny, with jaundice and frequent eye infections! People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute). I know that looks can change and beautiful babies might not be beautiful adults but I worry about the effect on her esteem, and on DS’s esteem. She’s a bit shy and just looks down when they comment on her looks. And I know DS feels jealous of the extra attention she gets even though he’s not particularly hung up on appearance.

my response currently is to say, “yes, they’re both very sweet/lovely/wonderful/etc” and not give it any more time. Does that seem appropriate?

These people must have extraordinary vision!

I think OP needs a lot of attention 🤔

My DS1 was very beautiful as a young child and I got constant compliments about him. Every time I left the house. Thankfully there was a big age gap so I didn't have your issue exactly. But people comment on looks and always will do so. I think all you can do is say thanks and maybe something positive about the other child. Its very tricky. Remember there will be other stuff that also can cause envy. It's just as hard to be the sibling who is not good at sports or not so good at school.

I just usually say thanks and smile

My friend and I were in Malta about 12 years ago. On a bus and a man, 20 something, got on. He was the most beautiful man we'd ever seen. Everyone looked at him. It was as if
Da Vinci had carved his face.
My friend said 'imagine having to live life with everyone staring,' it must have been a burden in many ways.

Oh come on, it doesn’t mean that OP loves her kids any differently because she accepts that one child is striking. My DD is very beautiful, we have had people come up to us in shops and say your daughter is stunning etc. I think all 3 of my kids are gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see that one is more striking. Largely it’s down to her blue eyes and dark skin (she is mixed race) which isn’t that common, and bum length curls. That said, she is very shy, and has a sticker over her college pass as she doesn’t like her appearance. Her brothers have bucket loads of confidence that she doesn’t have. Beauty isn’t everything.

people cross the street just to comment on her beauty.

^

Happens to me all the time

😂

Exactly.

Most two year olds are gorgeous. She’ll go through many, many phases on her way to her adult appearance. I was a ravishing toddler, but by the time I made my first communion I looked like a famine victim with ringlets, and I’m a plain adult. I don’t think you need to do anything, other than make sure your older child knows she’s considered equally gorgeous.

People would peer into the pram, shudder and couldn’t even bring themselves to say she was cute

Seriously. Who would EVER done that? Behave yourself, you silly muppet.

If anyone compliments my two for anything I always say 'yep, I've decided I'm going to keep them.'

Sorry op, I got stuck at people crossing the road to tell a 2 year old they are beautiful, what do they do shout, “hold up” and run after you? 😂

Ridiculous some people are more aesthetically pleasing than others. I have 3 children who are all beautiful to me but one of them could be a model (except she's 5foot nothing) it's very obvious she has model looks. I don't love her more for it.

But the way it went last time was OP didn’t want her DD to be hung up on her looks and wanted strangers to know how she was so much more than just her looks 😆

Well can you disguise her looks a bit -eg put her tumbling curls in pigtails or tied back. Not buy her cute pink clothes. But something plain.

You could try, we try not to focus too much on looks
Are are both really funny and smart

Before giving birth I thought most babies looked like a cross between Winston Churchill and a poached egg, but I noticed that it was impossible to overpraise another person's baby. You could lay the compliments on with a trowel and the proud parents would beam and be delighted to meet someone with such impeccable and discerning taste.

Then my own baby was born and I found myself looking at the other babies in the maternity ward and pitying their poor mothers, cursed with such ugly lumpen offspring when my own baby was absolutely perfect in every possible way. In fact, amazingly, his every feature was the epitome of whatever that particular feature ought to be.

Then gradually it dawned on me that this must be the way the human race manages to survive, a hormonal trick played on parents, especially mothers, that makes it easier for us to devote the necessary time, energy and effort required to keep such a tiny helpless creature alive until it is able to fend for itself.

Oh for gods sake 🙈I don't even know why you are giving it a second thought. I'm sure every parent has similar stories. She is 2 how on earth would it affect her? And I doubt your DS cares.
I get comments about my two every time we leave the house, they have incredibly long hair for their age and are lovely, and I say thank you, (because why on earth would they care for anything else I say?). Worry about something else.

Do people honestly give headspace to this kind of thing??

Their childrens self esteem? I hope so.

Yes, it’s an evolutionary delusion called the ‘Mine is the only one that doesn’t look like a creased potato’ mutation.

We've had a similar issue of wavy/fluffy light brown hair, hazel eyed DD and defined bright blonde curls, blue eyed DD, and have for years had comments of "oh wow her hairs beautiful, what lovely blue eyes" whilst ignoring our older girl on the whole..
I've always told older DD that it's because she's younger and old women like cooing over young kids and probably think they would embarrass her at her age... but it's very frustrating.

My friend has a daughter who is so beautiful, she is hard not to stare at. She has something about her. Not just pretty, striking. Sort of Angelina Jolie distinct. Her other DC are rather plain. Genetics are funny.

This is such a non issue. It’s common for strangers to comment and admire what they see as beautiful children. I don’t see how a 2-year-old can be shy about this. I mean really ? She has so much self awareness? I don’t think so . Your son will be fine . That’s life .

I honestly think by placing such focus on it actually makes the children more self conscious. I would say just accept the comments and carry on with my day. I’d bet the ds isn’t at all bothered about his sister being called beautiful. Children of this age have more interesting stuff to focus on than looks.

I had this growing up my sister is stunningly beautiful, it did bother me, and even if my mum would say something like “yes they both are” I still felt awkward as I knew she was way prettier, it’s really tough - why do people need to comment!!