Why are accommodations for autistic people often seen as unfair?

[YourPoisedFinch]

In my last job, I received some accommodations and explained them to colleagues when they asked why I was coming in late. Instead of understanding, they accused me of fraud and faking my condition to get special treatment. This isn’t just my experience—many people with mental health conditions and other invisible disabilities face similar challenges. They’re either not believed and resented for receiving accommodations or believed but then negatively stereotyped.

Fair doesn't mean treating everyone the same.

Equality Vs Equity

That’s why I hate Pinktober. I don’t think I’ve looked at my one and a half breasts in the mirror for over five years.

That said, it's fabulous when an employer can roll out to everyone something which helps disabled people

My employer has flexible working. So noone would resent the op because they can all work flexibly.
Similarly we all have access to quiet pods for focussed work, whether that's to assist someone with autism or just because we really need to concentrate on something/want a bit of peace.

They also have desks which work both as wheelchair desks and adjustable standing desks. So I didn't need any adjustments because I can just use the standing desks for my wheelchair, and as almost all the desks are adjustable standing desks I can hot desk like everyone else. It's far better as it is inclusive to everyone, theres no need for lots of hoops to be jumped through as the adjustments are just already there and in place.

*Why is a diagnosis for the rich and privileged? I was diagnosed as an adult on the NHS after years of struggles and anxiety, burnout, I wasn't able to finish school, and have had a rocky path with work not lasting long in any jobs I've done, all before knowing what was "wrong" with me.

The difference simple accommodations can make is the difference between being able to cope with life or burnout. My recovery from stress is longer then most. For example a holiday will talk me a few weeks to recover from. Or I need the help of someone to navigate somewhere new, activity, even then I'll worry about it weeks before.*

I absolutely agree with everything you wrote but you're saying that from the point of view of someone who has been lucky enough to get diagnosed.
I'm in my 40s and have been waiting over 10 years. I'd feel like you if I had the diagnosis and accommodations but as I don't I feel the way I do.

The thing is, and I mean this kindly, people have their own issues so they aren’t thinking that deep about what someone who has Autism has to deal with. That doesn’t make it ok to outright complain about accommodations because they are beneficial for everyone and anyone who complains is a dick but just because someone doesn’t have autism doesn’t mean they skipping about happy all the time.

People have MH issues, relationship issues, debt, housing problems, ageing parents, children who are getting bullied and refusing school, their own health issues…..the list is endless of things that people will have going on and no one has room to worry too much about how an Autistic colleague gets exhausted after a conversation and I think it’s best if people always stop expecting others to genuinely care deeply for the problems they face because most people are too busy with their own stuff.

It’s extremely offensive. I’m shocked at the level of ableism on this thread. About 8 in 10 autistic people experience a mental health illness during their lifetime. This could include anxiety, depression, eating disorders or psychosis. Autistic people are more likely to die by suicide than non-autistic people. Looking at some of the posts here, I can see why.

I have a child and a husband with autism. I have also supported friends and team members who have crippling anxiety.

Anxiety can be a horrible mental health condition in its own right. Autism isn't inherently "more" disabling and.there is no "just" about Anxiety as a standalone mental health condition.

'@AnotherMiranda · Today 15:00

Just 15% of autistic adults are in full-time employment and only 9% in part-time employment. So for everyone complaining about reasonable adjustments when the OP is employed, presumably everyone is happy to pay for benefits for the 76% of autistic adults who don’t work - often to the detriment of their mental health and self-esteem as well as their finances?'

Exactly!

The Chancellor says that she wants people with mental health issues/personality disorders/learning difficulties to work. People on this forum regularly complain that there are too many people claiming PIP and sickness benefits.

Yet when a person with a disability is employed but needs some adjustment to stay in employment then it is 'unfair'.

I think employees should be made to do mandatory training in the workplace about understanding disabilities and treating colleagues with long term health conditions or disabilities with respect.

Because I am sick and tired of the rampant ableism in our society and the complete ignorance that is displayed on this type of threads...

I also think that the increase in diagnoses means that if everyone 'knows someone ' who has it, they associate all people with the same diagnosis with that person. For example I have ADHD (adult diagnosed, but properly diagnosed and medicated) and am open about that in circumstances where it is appropriate. However mine is comparatively mild, so for many of my friends it may make the condition seem mild overall. But of course others are far worse affected.

Because many NTs are obsessed with the idea that someone out there might be getting something they're not. It keeps them up at night.

I think it’s generation after generation being told to ‘suck it up’. Suddenly they see people being treated with decency and it makes them realise/remember that they weren’t and this naturally causes negative emotions.

Rather than face those emotions and accept ‘yes, I should not have had to do that, people I love, systems I’m invested in and I myself may be at fault’ they blame the person being given the accommodation because that’s easier.

Far easier to say I was Tough than I was Treated Badly

Only 8 in 10? I'm actually shocked it's as low as that.

My autism nearly killed me. And you're damned right I've now arranged an accomodation at work that means that I don't have to worry about that particular trigger again. And I doubt anyone I work with has even noticed because I actually don't break the rule any more than anyone else, it's just before I felt the need to 100% comply.

But these threads always go this way. Apparently everyone's autistic now because it's so easy to get a diagnosis. Said by people with absolutely no idea what an autism diagnosis involves.

To be clear the term neurodivergent has no actual value. Everyone has differences with the way their neurology operates but it’s mostly within the range of normal.

When it falls out of the range of normal it therefore dysfunctional and that is when people are unable to participate in society, and require extra accommodations. These people are called neuro-atypical and are extremely easy to spot.

Most of the people I have met go “to be diagnosed” which isn’t how diagnosis works. There is an industry now telling people that if they are average it means they are disabled. It’s very seductive to think that you are special and people just need to swim around you, and that’s why your are not happy and successful.

My mother was obsessed with the fact that she was dyslexic as the only reason she could pass exams. She got tested when she was in her 50’s and they said her IQ was 140. My mother is not a genius with mild learning disability. In reality she is an averagely intelligent woman whose father thought women were only good for marriage and making babies and didn’t pay attention to her education.

If you are struggling, the onus is on you not society to manage your life in a way that means you are able contribute. If you hate the crowds you could actually come in earlier, lots of people in my office do it because they also hate crowds and it is their preference.

People of all neurotypes invest emotion and time in battling harmful stereotypes and language about neurodiversity.

Refering to people as NTs and grouping as a ‘them’ is just as unacceptable as someone saying ‘those autismics’ about neurodiversity or saying someone isnt nd because they ‘make eye contact’.

Do better.

Its difficult isn't it. 10 years is an awful long time to wait.

I was told by my then gp tough luck you've made it to 46 without any issues 🙄so tough. Fast forward 6 years new Gp same discussion, let's get you referred and in the mean time read these books so that you can make life easier. Got referral through in October.

But I think this is the confusing part - up thread somebody said that an NT person wouldn’t be diagnosed based on feeling slightly anxious, or being disorganised, because it has to really seriously affect your life in a big way to cross the threshold. Is this not the case for you?

I’ll hold my hands up and admit despite reading a lot about neurodiversity (mainly on here) plus work diversity training, it feels like I’ll never have a firm understanding of it, because it’s become such a big/individualised/convoluted topic that as an NT person it’s impossible to wrap my head around it. It feels like lots of different terminologies and versions of ND come into play every year, and frankly I struggle to keep up.

The issue is an understanding is expected of people now as the volume of people with ND conditions mean you’ll always have a relative, friend, colleague with a diagnosis. So it’s not something I can park either.

I think you mean neurodiverse, not neurodivergent. If you're within the bounds of normal then you are not neurodivergent.

And if your mum was properly assessed as having an IQ of 140 she wasn't averagely intelligent. That would put her in the top 0.5% of the population. You're doing her a massive disservice. [If she was doing some sort of online IQ test, or short form back of a cereal packet one, carry on - those online tests often give people results in that ballpark]

I have rabid ADHD. I call it rabid flippantly, sort of makes me feel better - minimises the fact that I have severe combined ADHD. I am extremely lucky to have a job that constantly provides me with dopamine and also one where I’ve sorted my own adjustments out. I started at 11am the other day and 9.30am today. I tend to work more hours than I need to each week, sometimes I’ll do less hours in a week but the next week I will have tons to do. I’m also responsible for my own workload. For anyone who says everyone’s a little bit ND I would give you this example.

Disorganisation for an NT is like a messy desk. They can clean it up when they put in the effort, and they generally know where things are, even if it looks chaotic. When they decide to get organised, they can follow a step-by-step approach to fix it.

Disorganisation for someone with ADHD is like their desk constantly rearranging itself. They can put something down, turn around, and it’s gone. Their brain won’t let them start cleaning it because the thought of where to start is overwhelming. Even when they want to organise, their executive function blocks them from doing it logically.

NTs can be disorganised, but they don’t experience the invisible force field that stops ND people from starting, finishing, or even understanding how to tackle something in a way that makes sense. It’s not just about messiness, it’s about how the brain fundamentally processes order, memory, and effort.

My autistic sister cannot get on a train that requires a change, because the thought that she would miss the connection causes quite a lot of distress.

What I said was true, but firstly if you are repeating "not coping" then that isn't coping, and it does also depend on the situation - something stressful, if you cope with it well, gets easier, whereas something frightening might be slightly traumatising and you would need to try to recover before moving on, rather than rince and repeat! Though on the other hand anxiety is often the feeling of fear without understanding where the fear comes from (so not irrational fear so much but fear where the cause has been lost or fragmented) and there are methods of understanding and managing this which are really effective.

If you are interested (and this is nothing to do with this thread as I said) a really good book to start with in relation to this is Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence. You could also start a thread and get lots of links from other interested people.

Whether you have autism could be investigated separately from this. Autism is such a wide spectrum - ime, for high level autism, the coping methods work really well.

Well done on keeping on asking for the hearing loop! I am pleased it finally arrived!

Surely a reasonable adjustment is done within working hours though and doesn’t cover commuting time?

For me a reasonable adjustment would be something like if the whole office shuts down for lunch at 12 but the OP struggles to take a break because there are too many people, the company allowing the OP to take her lunch at a different time to everyone else would be a reasonable adjustment.

Flexible start and end times are reasonable adjustments, but this would mean arriving later and finishing later to avoid peak travel time or getting paid less for working less hours. I haven’t read the whole thread has the OP replied and said whether she is getting paid the same for less hours worked?

It impacts me in a lot of ways, in that my previous careers, education, relations etc have planned out. It was like a lightbulb going off when I put 2 and 2 together with the help of the doc. But my life the way it is now, means that being diagnosed and medicated just makes me more comfortable, more productive, a better mother/wife/worker etc. At no point was I 'obviously' none of those things, so people didn't really realise I struggled.

Makes no sense, but I also know that a part of how it affected me was the inability to form a cohesive thought or arguement despite being very bright, so I'll let myself off 😂

what you have to remember is that for all the main kinds of ND diagnosis there is a set criteria, a minimum thresh hold that you have to meet to get a diagnosis.

I have been through both as an adult for myself, and as a spectator/mum for both my kids.

All 3 of us have AuDHD, but all 3 of us are very differently affected, but we ALL meet the threshold for diagnosis.

My son is the most significantly affected, he also has Dyspraxia and an eating disorder because of it... he has higher rate PIP, needs full time care, despite seemingly intelligent to talk to (if he'd talk to you, he's selectively mute with strangers).

My daugher is Demand Avoidant, but very animated, chatty, and her ADHD hyperactive brain is horrendous.

My Autism is quieter, i have more sensory issues, my adhd is inattentive, but i will monologue on favourite subjects.. which i switch regularly XD, i've never held a job down, have had more therapy than i care to mention to help me cope with crippling anxiety and am a functional depressive with a caffeine problem (dopamine seeking) i tried medicating my ADHD and my Autism took the wheel and turned me in an unstable wreck.

The each have their criteria, they need to have been present from childhood, and impact your life significantly.

The fact society likes to self diagnose is watering down the impact of the diagnosis. the fact women who weren't diagnosed as kids because the criteria was based on male presentation means there is a surge in women and girls being diagnosed, its making people think 'everyone' has it. They don't.

if you don't meet the threshold, you don't get a diagnosis, its that simple, and they criteria are not a low bar.

that's down to poor management. there should be a rota of people that take turns to be on site on a Friday. it should be stipulated in the contracts and hr should be involved. that's nothing to do with people working from home. what have you done to resolve this ? have you made a complaint to your boss etc.
for what it's worth I have a special agreement with management to accommodate me with working conditions. I have to have my set desk aswell as chair. I can wfh more. but that is to help me deal with a condition that impacts my life and well being. I am a better employer cause of this therfore more productive. I do know some people are pissed off. especially one that constantly sits at my desk when she knows I am in on those days. it's written on a sign for gods sake. only mu close team no about my condition and when some smart ones comment I politely tell them we can discuss further with hr if required