Why are accommodations for autistic people often seen as unfair?

[YourPoisedFinch]

In my last job, I received some accommodations and explained them to colleagues when they asked why I was coming in late. Instead of understanding, they accused me of fraud and faking my condition to get special treatment. This isn’t just my experience—many people with mental health conditions and other invisible disabilities face similar challenges. They’re either not believed and resented for receiving accommodations or believed but then negatively stereotyped.

The word you are looking for is serious or severe. There is absolutely nothing sexy about having a brain tumour.

Are you medically trained and familiar with the DSM-V diagnostic criteria?

There is absolutely nothing sexy about having ADHD or being autistic.

I hope you reported them to HR?

Autism and ADHD are "on trend" disabilities to have. Diagnosis rates are rising, along with requests for reasonable adjustments and support. Every other tiktok is trying to armchair diagnose. Unfortunately there are some piss takers out there.

Not your business. That's between OP and her HR in the reasonable adjustment

No it doesn't. That would be ableist.

Don't they just!

It's not saying that brain tumours are sexy, it's just the idea of "sexy" disorder names that carry more weight. I saw someone refer to them as "sexy illnesses" once and it stuck in my head.

I am getting paid the same but my hours are from 10 to 6 rather than 9 to 5

In that case it's not an issue. As long as you are staying until 6pm they can pipe down. Or apply for their own flexible working.

I know exactly what you mean.

There was a discussion on here about a celebrity who exposed her breasts to raise awareness for breast cancer and people complained the headline was something like “X looks stunning in charity campaign”.

Breast cancer is a “sexier” sell than bowel cancer. No celebrity is showing themselves examining their faeces for signs of bowel cancer on social media to raise awareness. No one thinks any disability or disease is “sexy”. It’s just a word used to describe that some illnesses are an easier “sell” than others.

No additional loading on your team then. Maybe just sour grapes on their part that they wished they also asked for different hours?

This is offensive. If almost anyone could get a diagnosis why is the waiting list for one off the scale? It's so ignorant to spout these opinions that 'everyone is a bit neurodivergent'. You have no idea.

yeah autistics/adhd brain structure is literally not the same as a NT

Yes because having a debilitating condition is trendy.

I wouldn't choose to have this and I don't do trends in my late 30s.

It just is the case that ND adjustments make life harder for everyone else.

I could say similar about some totally pointless working practices that NT people seem to love - Teams meetings where someone just reads an email that will be sent around anyway, or announces something that nobody actually cares about. Why? Just to be seen to be doing something.

I knew what you meant, don’t worry. There are certainly things that get latched onto (for a number of reasons, good and bad), it’s neurodiversity and anxiety at the moment. Dyslexia and anorexia had their time in the spotlight in the 90s in similar ways I think.

I think the people are tolerant in general. However, what has happened over the years is that so many people are being diagnosed some severe other less so. People who are diagnosed are so numerous. Those who have no diagnosis also suffer stress and anxiety or other issues but just get on with it and tbh I can understand them feeling that they are constantly being asked to accommodate or make allowances for others.

@SockFluffInTheBath actually, we have this in my team where someone negotiated to come into work an hour later (they had a good CV and negotiated it while being recruited). It did impact the team. We had to delay morning meetings which impacted all our mornings. And almost everyone has to work a little overtime as client requests can come in last minute so them coming in late just meant they were doing less. It lasted about 6 months and the manager had to change the arrangement. The employee was pissed off but it really wasn't working for the team. Not the individual's fault, the manager was naive to agree to it in the first place, but just pointing out that such an arrangement can impact people.

The OP has literally asked

"Why are accommodations for autistic people often seen as unfair?"

So I imagine that's why the PP asked?

None of it is anyone else's business, but the OP started the thread 🤷‍♂️

Thank you, that's exactly what I mean (and probably where I've heard the term before).

I have a brain tumour, I'd definitely never describe it as sexy because there's nothing sexy about it - but its "sexier" than many hidden disabilities.

There is a differences between having anxiety and being able to just get on with it. And Autism.

Often people think we just struggle with anxiety, however that's just a small part of Autism, we also have to navigate many other challenges as well, senory, reading others body language, decoading conversations, routine changes can be hard. Offen rehearsing conversation before hand just to name a few. It's exhausting at the end of the day, and we can't receive any treatment to recover, eg talking therapies etc.

I have found that many people are massively ignorant when it comes to autism.

Unless you are autistic yourself, or have a close relationship with someone who is, it is near impossible to understand what it is like.

Posters who say things like “mildly autistic “ don’t help. You are either autistic or you are not.

I used to work around a lot of people and it was beyond draining. Some days I would get home and go straight to bed as I badly needed to decompress. I found myself in meltdown mode at times which meant I was uncommunicative and drained.

Now I have a new role WFH and I genuinely can’t remember the last time I experienced meltdown.

However my previous colleagues have no idea how much I struggled as I was good at my job and masked well.

There is always a risk people will judge, I don't think it is possible to completely eliminate it. Some workplaces are better than others in this regard. For many, self-employed route offers a degree of flexibility that not every employer can provide.

I also find that when you're good at your job and respectful of others, people will forgive you for not being perfect more eagerly. Many neurodiverse people who are well supported are able to achieve extraordinary results, and their colleagues recognise this.