How do you handle it when people make statements at you, for eg you’ll be looking for a job in September then

[GeorgiesCat]

Don’t have a good relationship with my mum due to her being abusive in the past and that abusive person still comes out at times

Anyway leant to just not tell her things, I keep plans dreams hopes worries to myself or share with a trusted friend

so now she’s developed this tactic of throwing out a statement to see how I respond

for example
youngest child will be starting school in Sept, but we’ve already decided to try for more children, sahp atm

she will just throw out at me
youll be looking for a job in September then…
kinda waiting to see how i will respond
I basically just ignore her and act like I didn’t hear her

then she will do the same again next week the exact same statement

how would you handle this ?

i mean I could say oh will I now

but she will just flow that up with more statements etc

Why don't you want to earn your own money?

So you are asking us to advise you how to have a happy life while your mother continues to insult you at every opportunity?

I would read ‘you are not the problem’ book, wake up and enjoy my good life. All the best x

Op"s mum, is that you 😬

Why spend time with her if she's abusive towards you?

You could try saying
Is that a question?
Or
are you asking me if I will be etc

Or you could treat it like a question and reply whatever you would have had she phrased it as a question.

Or
are you asking me or telling me?

Just tell her you will cross that bridge when you get to it and cut it off there. She needs no more information.

@GeorgiesCat just give a vague "maybe, maybe not" answer and don't get any further into the conversation.

Oh she’s doesn’t approve of sahp
When I said, I wasn’t going back after mat leave she looked really angry and said, oh so you’re officially unemployed now then

Throw something totally random back.
Have you made any funeral arrangements yet?
I saw some nice curtains that would go in your living room.
Did you arrange to meet up with your friend/sister/great aunt.
Did you see the new fridges in Asda?
Etc.
Hopefully it will just throw her. And it changes the subject.

Erm may be
Erm we'll have to see
Erm no
Erm

If you have to keep interacting with her just keep it very vague

Being a sahp to young children is a perfectly valid choice. No one has to justify it

Minimal open ended reply to these statements, just reply 'maybe' or 'its an option'

I actually really don’t know why i do

do you consider this abusive?

this is nothing compared to other crap she’s done when I was young

Or deliberately mishear her - oh are you Mum, sounds exciting, what kind of job are you thinking? Then be endlessly puzzled why she would make a statement on your behalf because that doesn't really make sense... it could be quite fun.

@GeorgiesCat so what if she doesn't "approve of SAHPs"?
It's your life. Not hers.

Why are people so weird on mumsnet. If she doesn't want a job that's up to her. Maybe she wants to be there for her child before and after school and in the holidays nothing wrong with that if you can. Just say you want to be there for your child even though it's nothing to do with her.

I just think life is too short. Spend time with people who are kind.

That isn't anyone's business but the OPs and nothing to do with her question.

Give her a vacant 'Oh yeah, umm' reply while staring into space.

I would just say vaguely "Mmm, maybe". If she presses further, just say again "Maybe, not sure yet" and refuse to discuss it further.

Do you have to spend time with her? Could you try cutting contact down a bit? Sometimes creating some space is a great way to build your own confidence, which is the important thing here.

I totally agree.

Most jobs don't work with school hours and holidays and if your kid's school does not offer any before or after clubs, you're fucked.

HTH?

'If you say so'

Said in a slightly offhand / whatever way, is always a good option.

I'd be cutting her off and out of my life.