How do you handle it when people make statements at you, for eg you’ll be looking for a job in September then

[GeorgiesCat]

Don’t have a good relationship with my mum due to her being abusive in the past and that abusive person still comes out at times

Anyway leant to just not tell her things, I keep plans dreams hopes worries to myself or share with a trusted friend

so now she’s developed this tactic of throwing out a statement to see how I respond

for example
youngest child will be starting school in Sept, but we’ve already decided to try for more children, sahp atm

she will just throw out at me
youll be looking for a job in September then…
kinda waiting to see how i will respond
I basically just ignore her and act like I didn’t hear her

then she will do the same again next week the exact same statement

how would you handle this ?

i mean I could say oh will I now

but she will just flow that up with more statements etc

But most moms don't have the option of not working, so need to find a way around that.
OP is very lucky if she can be a SAHP but it's risky for a lot of people not to have their own income, you never know what's going to happen.

Like a child saying 'Wee, poo, bum, willy', she's doing it to get a reaction from you.

You know this already and you're responding in the right way - by not reacting.

You could always make contact once a fortnight, then every three weeks, then a month. Won't necessarily change her tactics, but it'll reduce the frequency with which you hear them.

'You'll be getting a job'

'OK'

'You're looking for a job'

'Mmm-hmmm'

'You've not got a job yet'

'That's right'

'Why aren't you working yet?'

'I'm taking DC to the park tomorrow'

'Yes, but why aren't you working?'

'We went to the zoo last Thursday, DC loves the bug house'

Just say I don't know or I haven't decided or we'll see how things are or any other platitude. And repeat each time.

She's unpleasant anyway you say so why not just say, "No, we're planning on having another baby" to shut her down permanently. If she's abusive, why do you want her around your child(ren)? Just stop seeing her.

Depends on situation. Leaving some thing uncorrected means they'll be taken as fact as told to others as such - which may or may not matter or acted on as correct even if you later correct - thats usually vists dates etc.

So be ignore, vauge reply - change subject - or correct.

With job hunting I'd ignore - and give as little information as possible.

you ask me why I see her ? I ask myself that and I can come up with no real answer other than I don’t want it to effect relationships with siblings etc

I’m already low contact because of how she is
I already don’t tell her things because of how she is
it’s like she’s onto that tactic of not telling her anything and she’s going to try and ramraid info out of me

I guess into thing I can go is go even lower contact than we are already

I don’t really wanna go nc as that could cause too much hassle and I don’t want it to affect siblings

"Mmm, well it's been lovely seeing you" Stand up, knee slap, walk to the door

Op this is interesting because mil makes similar statements and they are hard to come back from because they are setting the tone and content.

If you are trying to be polite back it's hard, as others have said I think ignoring it completely or nonsensical answers or call her straight out.

I’m not going to be job hunting as we are trying for another child, which of course she doesn’t know because of the above reasons
she would only use that info to some how stick the boot in
or to use it negatively in some way against me

See her less, say something vague, tell her you're hoping to fall pregnant asap.

When I ignore she just does exactly the same thing again next time
which I’ve ignored this particular statement twice now

Just say Yes. It doesn’t matter if you are or not.

If I siad that, she really no not me, I’m retired I’ve worked all my life, I’m retired now, I’m talking about you georgie

But that would just encourage her so next time it would be oh so how’s the job hunting going

and oh I’ve found an advert for you

and you know you said you were looking for a job in September well I’ve spoken to so and so …….

it wouldn’t put an end to it in the slightest it would just add fuel to her

It’s honestly like she’s into my Tatic of telling her nothing and she’s just trying to bulldoze

I'd just laugh and say 'will I fuck!'

"and you'll be minding your own business then"?
Easy for me to say I know! The truth is that if someone has dominated and denigrated you all of your life it's very difficult to not be rattled by things like this.
(My god I was so relieved when mine kicked the bucket)

Raise an eyebrow, bit of a head tilt. Or roll eyes while giving the briefest nod. Then change the subject.

You could just say "Will I?"

I’m already low contact so I’m just gonna have to go even lower

because you are a Dutiful Daughter knowing in life we always have to do the right thing and the spoken word lingers

smile and nod, mastering the art of verbal evasion, (or play dumb) what else can you do

So is your own mother not allowed to have an opinion on stuff once you reach a certain age? (This isn’t aimed specifically about OP)

I think a lot of pp's have missed your point op.

I get it. I have an uncle who's a 'statement maker'. It is bloody infuriating and relentless.

Finds out we enjoyed a half term break to France. 'So you'll be booking again for next year then'.

Finds out my company made some redundancies recently. 'You'll be updating your CV just in case then'.

Discovers that our fence blew down last night. 'You'll be wanting recommendations for fencers then' (and gets a paper and pen to write them down).

So so irritating and I've tried several methods to shine a light back at him but he has the hide of a rhino. Now I just ignore.

Actually “and you'll be minding your own business then"?

could work and so could

will I ?

I did think of doing the concerned face, head tilt and are you ok ?
but she I’m not sure I’d want to engage in any sort of games with her

actually these are good ideas

thank you

I’m going to also need to go even lower contact too