2 year old walking the street by herself feel so sick

[Cantthinkofonenow]

I went to the shop with my 6 year old son and my nearly 3 year old daughter was home with her dad. When I was coming home from the shop round the corner I saw loads of people outside my house so I ran home wondering what had happened. My little girl had tried to follow me to the shop but I had gone another way, and got all the way to the end of the street and even crossed the road before a nice couple picked her up and she told them where she lived. I feel so sick and furious with her dad and like a terrible parent. I can’t believe he didn’t notice she had gone. I can’t stop thinking she might have gone with the wrong person. I feel terrible

I think this is fair but also it's the fact that the DH isn't admitting the responsibility that's the biggest issue - if he felt distressed too I'd agree, but I couldn't get over the flippancy personally

You can learn from it now to always be explicit in your communication

It can be a male trait to play down mistakes. That's how many can get by cruising through life but thinking they're great.

If DH is playing it down and you think he needs to own it, can you just embarrass him in front of friends and family? That often works on guys. Tell the story of coming home and finding half the street at your house. See him have to explain it to his or your parents.

I’m paranoid about this happening. Dh is forever leaving the door unlocked. I miss proper front doors with Yale locks. I’ve fitted one of those stick on alarms to the door so it beeps when it’s opened.

This is extreme. I was that kid who escaped and both my parents were distraught when they realised. Neither were “useless pieces of trash”.

Did he hear you? Did he respond?

If so he is absolutely shocking.

If he didn’t respond / hear you , you are both at fault for complete communication failure, and having an unsafe front door.

I don't think anyone is being judgemental. There's just advice on how to prevent it happening again, which is people trying to help

agreed. I know you said it but you need to make sure he hears you.

Absolutely!

people aren’t trying to victim blame or pile on - we are fire fighting.

she needs to feel safe that her home is secure and she’s able to leave without risk next time. all MNers want to feel that too.

I know someone where something similar happened - although it was a grandparent that didn't watch the child properly, not a parent. They were reported to social services.

If you are reported, expect a visit. Make sure your DH is there for the visit. He needs to know that this really isn't ok.

You need to show social services how you will make sure this doesn't happen again. Each parent knowing who is watching your child and being responsible at all times, amendments to ensure the door can not be opened again by your child, acknowledgement that this isn't OK and you are taking the risks seriously. Don't let your DH try to brush it off as one of those things- it isn't.

Oh OP, you poor thing.
So glad she's ok, but what an absolute fright.

I did this to my parents, they were rushing around the streets panicking.
I'd let myself into someone's house and sat to watch telly, when the couple found my parents I was sat there happily munching a sandwich 😂

(Both my parents were horrified, I'd be ripping into your DH)

Nonsense. He knew she hadn't taken their toddler with her.

Oh my goodness. I would have absolutely lost my shit with my husband.
Please don't beat yourself up. Most of us have had moments like this at some point.. I lost my child in a kitchen showroom.. she was hiding in a cupboard and thought it was hilarious. I died about 6 times.

Oh op! I'm so sorry, I can imagine how you're feeling. She's okay! She's okay and is home safe. No harm was done.

And there are some good people in the world!

One time, i was trying to vaccum up a spider to take it outside and let it go. Left the front door ajar before doing it. (No idea why now!)

My dd(2 at the time) opened it snd ran out into the road laughing. It took maybe 20 seconds if that before I realised, and felt sheer panic

Dh would be getting a bollocking for not paying attention though! xx

Why are you making such massive assumptions? Nothing in OP’s posts backs this up. He is attempting to deflect blame. Possibly the most worrying reaction to this he could display.

Thank you for the tips and advice in your replies and for your reassurance. I’ll look into sorting the door out.
she’s tucked into bed now fast asleep. I am so so grateful to the couple that picked her up they couldn’t have been nicer about it. I’ll make sure I take her everywhere now

Which will make him very happy.

I'd need a lot more than this one incident to conclude that the DH was a "piece of trash" or a "terrible partner". These miscommunications happen when you're in the middle of leaving the house and everyone's in the middle of something. I remember getting lost myself as a kid and I also remember turning around to go back to my house after walking the dog a few years ago and seeing my then three year old bouncing down the road after me with not a stitch on in full view of the neighbours. Fortunately I was literally just taking the dog for a wee on the green patch two minutes to the left of our door and on the same side of the road.

EDT: DH was in the house but was doing something else and didn't realise that she wasn't still playing quietly in the same room.

Great ideas to help. We used to have a door chime as kids, which was great to hear who was coming in to our busy household.

My husband once forgot to pick our daughter up from Rainbows, I was driving home with one daughter and there was he without the other in his car, I asked where she was and he shrugged, I had to set off and apologise profusely that he’d just forgotten to collect her ( and made no effort to do so )

He's always been disappointing.

I did the same thing with ds2

I had a hidden pregnancy (I had 6 days between finding out I was pregnant and giving birth) horrific pnd with zero support (single parent and a useless family who thought it was amusing) and a velcro baby who I couldn't put down or he'd scream

He would have been about a week old when I got everyone ready,popped him in his bouncer while I got the others ready and set off

Was waiting for the bus,when I suddenly went cold-id left him in his bouncer at home!

Raced back and there he was-fast asleep (the only time in his first year that he slept without clinging to me)

A few weeks later I was in a shop and was looking at some magazines-forgot all about him and wandered off (a lovely shop assistant asked if I'd forgotten someone before i left the shop!)

Nothing happened (thankfully) but that's when I went to the doctor for help as I was dangerous and anything could have happened (who was fucking useless-told me to 'go home and have a nice cup of tea')

Thankfully it's now a family joke but I'll never forget the horror both times

To be nonplussed is a disgusting attitude

You can justifiably be furious with your husband- but also, get a lock on the door. I know several people this has happened to (very nearly including us) and none of them were careless parents. Kids just surprise us sometimes.

TBH, it's not really a case of blame, you both just need better risk assessment skills. It should have occurred to both of you that your front door is not toddler-proof.

Look up some home safety videos on youtube, or ask a childminder if she could walk you round your home, looking for potential safety issues.

You've had a nasty shock, but no one was harmed.

Yep. The awful ones make the news which can skew our view but the vast vast majority of people are decent.

Glad your wee girl is fine OP.

I don’t know why people are saying your door closing mechanism itself is an issue ?
If I were to go out of my front door and not actually lock it from the outside then it would be very easy for anyone to just pull the door handle down and open the door .
Also if someone is inside the house and I’ve locked it from the outside it’s easy to get out without needing a key 🔑 just turn the snib round. Very simple
It is a new house and probably like that for safety purposes and means you also cannot lock yourself out or lock anyone in .
I would definitely think about door alarm as a PP has done