2 year old walking the street by herself feel so sick

[Cantthinkofonenow]

I went to the shop with my 6 year old son and my nearly 3 year old daughter was home with her dad. When I was coming home from the shop round the corner I saw loads of people outside my house so I ran home wondering what had happened. My little girl had tried to follow me to the shop but I had gone another way, and got all the way to the end of the street and even crossed the road before a nice couple picked her up and she told them where she lived. I feel so sick and furious with her dad and like a terrible parent. I can’t believe he didn’t notice she had gone. I can’t stop thinking she might have gone with the wrong person. I feel terrible

Then he's an absolute waste of space and neglectful father. Of course it was his fault. He wasn't watching her. What was he doing that meant he had no idea his 2 year old had left the flat?

We once found a toddler in a nappy vest wondering by a main road. We stopped and called police. Child had got out and wondered away. Parents had called police. I was just glad to have been the person that stopped and kept the child safe. These things happen op. Just learn from them .

It's so common, it's always a shock, but 99.9% of the time it's fine, so just don't make a habit of it!
We usually had it the other way round, I would be out for a walk with my first son and people would think he was lost and I was not the parent. Someone even rushed across the road with their kids because they thought he was lost even though I was just there. There was a short window of about a fortnight when it literally seemed to happen every time we went out.
I think something about the fact that we are both probably autistic made us look a bit out of the ordinary. Or maybe we were out at funny times of the day.

Yes you do. Please don’t blame her dad, he’s not a bad parent. You both knew at some level the door was not toddler proof. I’m not having a go but please don’t blame him just because you’re shook up. Yes he made a massive error but he genuine thought she was with you. Even David Cameron managed this and left his kid in a pub! You can both learn from this, sort the door and better communication.

I’m sure you feel awful but honestly I know many people, myself included, who have had huge ‘what if moments’ which you just churn over with guilt.

my friend was staying in a holiday let and their 4 year old managed to let himself out at about 6pm and go for a walk. He was also found and brought back. He had never shown any interest in doing that before or since. They had no idea he would think about doing that.

I agree. Pilots always state clearly if they are transferring the 'actual flying' role between them ie. I have control/ You have control - you need to build this into any departure/separation in the future if your DH is not proactive in that respect.

And a stair gate seems like a bloody good idea too.

And deep breath OP, she's OK, go forward positively.

If he thought she was with you he won't have been panicked because he didn't know she was missing. I imagine he's feeling pretty shitty about it now thought. These things can happen, my brother went missing at 3 when we were moving house years ago. A lady took him in and he was having an ice lolly in her house. It was very scary for my parents but he was quite happy. Don't beat yourself up it won't happen again your not a bad mum.

People on here are being very dramatic. We are loving parents and this has happened to us twice! It’s around that age they figure things out, things you hadn’t realised before now they are capable of. She is safe, just learn the lesson and get a bolt. The vast majority of people would stop and help her

The fact that you specifically told him you were going without her means this is entirely his fault. Honestly this would be relationship ending for me. You will never trust him with her alone again (or you're mad if you) - and you can't live like that

But OP told him that she wasn't taking the 2 year old so he was given clear instructions. Unless he wasn't listening.

This happened to us when my husband went to the loo once upstairs and our DD's got out to 'try to find mummy' (I was at work) - same sort of door, just opens from the inside. A neighbour found them and brought them back, they had toddled up the road.

Someone did report it as I had a letter from SS a few weeks later with grossly exaggerated details - I called to explain & they didn't seem too fussed. Just be careful it can't happen again!

When Dd was little we had a mortice lock but last person in the house left their key in the door because if this. It also had some sort of deadlock thing high up on the door with a round twizzle thing which was always there. So very toddler proof as too high up for little kids to reach without dragging a chair.

You need to find your assertiveness here OP. You can't let this go with him. You know what you said to him. This isn't your fault.

This is horrendous and if SS knew about this you would be visited to discuss the incident.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty as it wasn't your fault.

Why the hell wasn't your husband watching her?

I feel your pain op.

My dd also escaped when she was 2.

I had left for work at 5.30am, had been up breastfeeding my baby through the night, and my useless dosser of an ex was too sleepy to get up and put the chain back on the door apparently.

Called me at work a few hours later and told me that my daughter had crossed a main road in just her nappy and top, and thankfully someone from the shop had seen her and called the police.

He had realised after around 30 minutes and ran out looking for her, and the police had her.

SS were informed, and rightly so, but it was the health visitor who came out, by that time I had changed the lock on the door and put door alarms on, it was deemed a one off accident.

I never forgave ex though and we split shortly afterwards.

That was about 7 years ago now and it still makes me feel sick when I think about what could have happened because he was sleepy after 9 solid hours sleep.

We thought our 18 month old was in his room playing with his brothers. I was just going to check on him when a couple walked into the garden with him sobbing his heart out. He'd got into next door's garden somehow and wandered down the road.

DH was in next door's garden (with permission) fencing it off the next day.

Don't feel guilty OP.

I'm not sure she can really report herself to social services over a mistake? That seems OTT and I'm not sure what you think social services would do?

OP, it must have been terrifying. You can have a think about how best to ensure it doesn't happen again, as regards the front door. But your husband definitely needs to be made to understand the severity of what he did. And yes, communication needs to be clearer in the future.

These two stories came to mind when I read your op:
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.digitalspy.com/fun/a378142/2-year-old-boy-travels-three-miles-to-visit-gran/www.google.com/amp/s" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.digitalspy.com/fun/a378142/2-year-old-boy-travels-three-miles-to-visit-gran/www.google.com/amp/s/

www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-49419379.amp
Much worse than yours! I hope your dh will acknowledge his massive error this evening and the shock fades quickly. Lots of people have similar stories and thankfully your little one is OK.

Those posters suggesting stair gates, this child is nearly 3. I know my lot could climb over them at 18 months. Plus OP’s dd opened the front door, I’m sure a stair gate wouldn’t phase her.

This happened in my street, I was home alone when my neighbour burst in my front door in a panic shouting about her 2 year old grandson who had let himself out the front door while she nipped to the toilet, she was in an absolute panic, I ran out to help her find him as did all the other neighbours when word got out. He was found within round someone’s back garden, it was terrifying but he was ok and was safe. She’s a wonderful grandmother and it was just one of those things. try not to be to hard on yourself or you DH. I’m sure yous will make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Some kids are good at escaping and incidents like this are quite common. The important thing is you and your DH learn from it. Once you know a child can escape and is not scared of doing so, you need to put in safety measures to stop them. Deep down your DH probably does feel like shit and is currently just deflecting a bit. A bit of reflection on communication, level of attention etc is important. One of mine got out of the front door while I was on a work call that I’d taken out of hours. She’d never done anything like that before and only went next door but It was a massive wake up call about my hours, job etc and putting in place very good boundaries.

Those being so judgemental of the OP . Have you never made a mistake? Are you such a perfect parents? I doubt it. Unbelievably nasty scaremongering comments. Just learn from it OP and move on. No one is a perfect parent, especially those who think they are.

These things can happen so quickly, don’t beat yourself up. We have the same kind of lock as you. Get yourself one of these to secure the handle so even if the lock is turned, the child can’t pull the handle down (if you have one anyway) BeeGo® Child Door Handle Lock |... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B084ZXHLKJ?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Or a chain that’s too high for her to reach.

He knew she was staying with him I said to her in front of him you can watch bluey until I’m back and I said to him I’m not taking her

Because he doesn’t want to admit it’s his fault

He knew damn well and now he’s lying to her face because he doesn’t want to take responsibility. He’s not only a bad father, he’s a shit partner too.