Regret over handing notice in

[Eminybob]

I feel sick and I can't sleep. I think I've made a massive mistake, not that there's anything I can do now but just need to get it out.

I accepted a new job offer and am currently working my notice at my current employer. I had to give 3 months notice and I have 2 months to go.

The new job is the same as I do now, except £10k more. Sounds like a no brainer.

BUT it's fully remote. I do 3 office days now which I really enjoy. And it's 9-5.30, I do 8-4 currently (but work through every lunch and rarely finish at 4 so provided I actually stick to my hours I shouldn't actually be working any longer days)

I thought with fully remote it would be better for the DC, they go into before and after school club on my office days currently which they'll no longer need to do, but I will still be working until 5.30. They are old enough to occupy themselves and DH wfh also so it's not the end of the world but still a little sad that actually I won't get any more time with them in the afternoons.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

Every day I think to myself that I don't want to leave.

There are some pros to the new job (obviously as that's why I accepted it):
The money (and the realisation I am currently underpaid!)
The saving on child care and commuting costs
Shorter school days for the DC
Bigger more established company with more career opportunities
Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment. Lots of issues and failed attempts at fixing them, whereas actually the solution is employ more staff (which they'll won't do and there have been redundancies and talk of more, although not in my department)
New employer is actively recruiting to build bigger teams, so my role is extra, rather than to replace a leaver.

Sorry this was a long rant. I guess I'm looking for reassurance I've done the right thing. Or for someone to tell me it's ok to retract my notice and stay put!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

Not sure if this will help but if it were me I would stay in current job. There are so many shitty jobs out there.

😭

I think it is probably fear of the unknown. You need to be paid what you are worth. If your current position is a sinking ship then you need to consider career progression.

I disagree with the above poster. I think the move is a good one financially, career wise, and for your family. Think about what life style you want in retirement.

Never had a man to pick up the slack so did it all myself while working.

Including taking care of my old-age parents.

Just have to pick yourself up every day really... Yes, it's a bitch, but what is the alternative?

It sounds like a no brainer to take the new job OP, and it is likely that your current misgivings are just fear of change.

Whilst you will miss specific people, it sounds like the new role will have more opportunities and less stresses than the current role.

How old are your children, and what time are you currently getting home on your work days?

Given the role is fully remote, will there be the opportunity to flex the timing of your hours once you start to be more in line with your current hours?

I do think you will need a plan to ensure your "people contact" needs are met if you are fully remote, but there are ways to do that which don't revolve around being in an office.

I'd stick with the new job, it sounds much better all round

You could stay and 5 people could leave then you'd wonder why you stayed! .

Go it's the unknown but it makes sense to move

Based on your OP the move sounds like a good idea. I'd have picked the new job too. A lot of your regret is around the people you like at current place but if the employer is a sinking ship they're probably doing the same thing you are and trying to get out !

Thanks. Dc are 10 and 6

3 days a week they go into breakfast club at 7.30am and I pick them up at 5ish

2 days a week DH does normal school run times. They come home at 3.30 and amuse themselves until I finish work.

With the new job they will do normal 9-3.30 school days 5 days per week, but they will have to amuse themselves for a bit longer until DH finishes at 5pm. This is what worries me. Yes they are at home rather than ASC but still not getting the benefit of my attention. Although they will gain it in the mornings I suppose.

I was planning to see if I could be flexible with start and end times once I'm in role.

It sounds like you made the right decision based don logic and reasoning. Your brain is now panicking because you are anxious. When these worries come to your attention try to calmly remind yourself this is a positive choice for you and your family.

You could try doing it guided meditation, sit with the uncomfortable feelings and try not to resist or react to them.

And remember it will take time to settle into your new role but if you enjoy your current job there's no reason you can't enjoy this role too.

I think the fully remote thing will be less of a problem because it's not a completely isolated role. Its management so lots of meetings, daily check ins with the team, 1-1s etc.
The other managers who interviewed me said they are on the phone to each other multiple times a day and have a great dynamic. I was keen to ask the question at my interview and their answer reassured me a lot at the time. I guess I'm just losing sight of that now as time goes on.

You’re doing the right thing moving on! Those people you like won’t just be work friends, they will be friends. All will be well. This is just pre match nerves x

Very good point!

I'd also consider keeping the ASC for a few days a week, particularly for the 6yo (maybe the older one until secondary as well) if they enjoy it.

Yes you'll lose after school time, but you'll gain before school time.

I’d say it’s a no brainer to take the job in these circumstances (and I am someone who’s taken a pay cut in the past to change other aspects so it’s not about the money). Imagine if your favourite people from the current job all moved on within a year - how would you feel? People do move on so this isn’t unrealistic and they sadly probably wouldn’t make decisions based on you being there.

I have been considering this. I think it'd be best all round even for a couple of days.

Colleagues have told me subsequently that they have considered looking elsewhere.
Even my boss joked that he wants me to take him with me!
So yeah, probably just a matter of time.

Don’t stay on the sinking ship. It will be miserable.

I wonder if you are feeling a little guilty about abandoning your lovely colleagues? Understandable, but let that go!

3 month notice periods are hard, because they give you time for this wobble! Just one month and you’d be throwing yourself into your new role about now.

I definitely think you’re doing the right thing. It’s great to work with nice people but ultimately we go to work for the money. You should be paid what you’re worth. 10k more will make a significant difference now, plus future pay rises / pension contributions etc will be that much more, and if you do move on from the new role in the future (it doesn’t have to be forever if it’s not right) you’ll be starting from a higher position. Keep the faith - you made this decision for many valid reasons.

Thanks all for bringing me back down. I needed it.
Still can't bloody sleep though.

You are definitely doing the right thing by moving on! You’ve just got the jitters, which is normal given the (frankly ridiculous) three month notice period.

Once you’re settled, you can look at opportunities for your old colleagues. If the old company really is a sinking ship, plenty of them will be looking to follow you. Some companies even pay a referral/finder’s fee for successful new hires who are recommended by a staff member.

This was exactly me a year ago!!

I cried at my leaving do, so unsure if I had done the right thing. My boss was amazing and very supportive and told me it was the right choice etc.

Initially I didn’t like it. After working in a team I loved, the new job was hard - difficult people, difficult relationships.

It’s a year in and I’m happier now and it was the right choice. DEFINITELY do ASC, I didn’t and my evenings are super stressful (though I have no DH at home so that contributes to the dinner panic). Even if it is just for the smallest DC/two days a week.

Good luck and I hope it goes well!

I cannot see how you don't benefit from the change.
Seemingly on MN, everyone wants only to WFH, deeming it a human right. You're ahead already.
You will save money on ASC if you truly believe your children can entertain themselves for a couple of hours every day (until your oldest starts his own social life and thus dooesn't want to babysit the younger one). But you are thinking about asking for 'flexibility' as soon as you start, so ...But is your DH who also works from home, not considering asking for 'flexibility' to help?
The only gripe appears to be missing work colleagues. Don't. Most work friendships fizzle very shortly after one leaves, so that probably won't be an issue.

Definitely take the new job. Your current position sounds precarious and you are overworked and underpaid. If you don’t like the new job you can apply for another one, and you’ll be doing it with an extra £10k (gross) to negotiate against.

I have just handed in my notice at another "sinking ship". I love everyone where I am - except the 3 people in charge have treated me unfairly the past year. I don't even have anything to go to yet!

When you get to the point of resigning it's because you are ready. When you know, you know.