Regret over handing notice in

[Eminybob]

I feel sick and I can't sleep. I think I've made a massive mistake, not that there's anything I can do now but just need to get it out.

I accepted a new job offer and am currently working my notice at my current employer. I had to give 3 months notice and I have 2 months to go.

The new job is the same as I do now, except £10k more. Sounds like a no brainer.

BUT it's fully remote. I do 3 office days now which I really enjoy. And it's 9-5.30, I do 8-4 currently (but work through every lunch and rarely finish at 4 so provided I actually stick to my hours I shouldn't actually be working any longer days)

I thought with fully remote it would be better for the DC, they go into before and after school club on my office days currently which they'll no longer need to do, but I will still be working until 5.30. They are old enough to occupy themselves and DH wfh also so it's not the end of the world but still a little sad that actually I won't get any more time with them in the afternoons.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

Every day I think to myself that I don't want to leave.

There are some pros to the new job (obviously as that's why I accepted it):
The money (and the realisation I am currently underpaid!)
The saving on child care and commuting costs
Shorter school days for the DC
Bigger more established company with more career opportunities
Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment. Lots of issues and failed attempts at fixing them, whereas actually the solution is employ more staff (which they'll won't do and there have been redundancies and talk of more, although not in my department)
New employer is actively recruiting to build bigger teams, so my role is extra, rather than to replace a leaver.

Sorry this was a long rant. I guess I'm looking for reassurance I've done the right thing. Or for someone to tell me it's ok to retract my notice and stay put!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

The new job seems a much better opportunity.

I think i'd start the new job first and then review the AFC situation.

I think it will be really stressful trying to juggle the kids for 1.5-2 hours whilst trying to prove yourself in your new job during your notice period. I have done the same and the stop start nature of that final two hours leaves my head a shed and puts a huge amount of pressure on the rest of my day.

You are already gaining a 10k pay rise so the family is already up financially and dont need to also cancel AFC urgently. Doing school run every morning rushing to log on and then dipping out mid aftenoon and rushing back and the ignoring kids and doing broken work and then rushing straight into headlong dinner and spellings and clubs etc is miserable. You need to breathe occasionally. No commute sounds great-but its actually really hard never having a minute to yourself.

You love your current job in so many ways and don’t fear losing it. I’d stay. Money truly is not the most important thing unless you lack the basics or are frighteningly unstable financially.

I agree, don't stay for the people/team. They always move on in the end for better opportunities, especially if your current employer is a sinking ship this is more likely. Sounds like it's the right decision to move on.

I had the jitters after handing my notice in September last year. But 4 months later, so glad I did. There are other lovely people out there and other good jobs!

I agree with this. At 6 years old, amusing yourself, without disturbing your working parent, til 5pm, is a big ask.

I wouldn't stop sending your kid to after school club. You can't expect them bit to bother you for 2 hours every afternoon after school. Also very boring for them

I suspect that if you were able to stay in your existing job, after a short time the reasons why you decided to look for a new job will resurface and you will regret not taking it.

Leaving a place where one is comfortable and going somewhere new is quite daunting and it will take a few months to settle in but once you are over that initial period where you seem to know nothing, it will boost your confidence and you will probably wonder why you didn't do it sooner!

Good luck, I'm sure you will be fine.

What has your dating life or lack thereof got to do with the OPs situation? Or any of the rest of it? She is picking herself up every day, she's just trying to choose between two jobs?

It's like she's gone "I can't decide what cereal to have for breakfast" and you've barged in and gone "there's a hole in my shoe and I'm still walking".

Stay in touch with the people you like! Your friendships can survive you going to a new job.

You've definitely made the right decision.

I've worked remotely fir years and although I do miss office culture I appreciate I have a better work life balance.

Definitely keep the DC in ASC if they enjoy it, it's good for them IMO.

Just one word if warning - incorporate some exercise into your new routine from the start. I quickly got into the habit of not moving much without the commute and I piled on the pounds! Trying to get rid of them now, but it would have been much easier if I'd not gained them in the first place!

Ordinarily I would stay to trust your gut and stay where you are. But it's a sinking ship.

The new organisation has lots more opportunities. You could give it a year and then jump to something else. I enjoy remote working and it sounds like they are aware that you might feel isolated and have things in place.

Don't stay in a sinking ship being paid less than you're worth

Also - when you handed your notice in, what did the sinking ship say to you?

I agree with the ‘keep the wrap around’. I’m working from home and still do wrap around, particularly for the younger one partly to avoid the disappearing at 3 situation but also because I think they get a bit more being with their friends, doing some activities etc. I’m also quite productive late afternoon so wouldn’t want to lose that slot of work. Once my eldest is allowed to walk home on her own I might make a shift especially as homework starts to ramp up

I wouldn’t immediately stop their after school clubs. I think they’ll be even more useful than before.

Ease into it.

New job sounds great OP . You have made a good decision 💜

I think the second part of your post gives the reasons why you should continue working your notice and is probably the wobbles. Did your current employer discuss with you what you would like to persuade you to remain as that is also telling

New job sounds great. Wobbles are normal. Go for it! And definitely keep a couple of days ASC.

Sounds like a great move!

I work fully remote and while I do miss the office, I can’t see how I would do school / nursery drop offs without it. Plus the housework I get done in my lunch break.

In terms of contact with colleagues, I have loads. I am forever on Teams calls and speaking to people. We have one very social person who arranges remote get together and catch ups etc.

Also we have a twice yearly all Team face to face meeting.

Everyone worries when starting a new job.

The new job sounds great. You might want to consider leaving the kids in ASC. If they enjoy it, then it might be better for them at that age than amusing themselves every day.

I think you've got a dose of "better the devil you know" syndrome and that's normal. Check back with us a year from now and I am sure you will feel very differently. 🤗

The greatest things never came from comfort zones. It’s fab that you’ve made really good friends with people at your existing workplace, but from your first post this seems to be one of the only positives that you’ll miss. You can still keep these people in your life, but now you’ll get to catch up with them for a drink or meet them for meal and in a much nicer atmosphere! I am still in regular contact with people I worked with nearly 18 years ago in one of my first jobs, and we catch up for a pub lunch etc every few weeks. But I’ve also had 3 other roles since then & made really good friends at all, even the one where I was 100% remote for 5 years! I’ve never regretted moving on to a new job, even the ones where it’s not turned out to be as I hoped, as each time I’ve met great people or gained new experience/skills which have then enabled me to take the next step or change direction slightly. Go for it OP, it sounds like it offers you a much better work life balance, never mind a few hundred pounds a month more in the bank, in a growing company that sounds to be progressing. If you discover that this one isn’t the one then that’s fine, it’s a good stepping stone to whatever’s next. Good luck!

It's super common to have these doubts when you make a big life change OP. Remember why you resigned and accepted the new job in the first place. Trust in your former decision making process, not in the voices that whisper in the middle of the night and undermine you.

I fully wfh and it’s shit and I utterly hate. It’s really badly affected my mental and physical health.

However, in your situation sounds like your current job is going nowhere, so in your shoes I’d use the new job to be able to get a hybrid job at higher pay.

agree with others to make the change.

on top of the pay rise, you will save money (from taxed income) on the commute. And possibly on ASC, though like others, I would say to keep it to start with. Maybe keep asc in place until the summer at least then you will have a better idea of the job and management style

I think you're looking at your current job and situation through rose tinted specs. The new job sounds great. The benefits from wfh will be massive. You can keep in touch with your old crew.

Don't make my mistake and stay somewhere because it's the devil you know, then find time has passed by and actually moving somewhere new is terrifying, or that you've been there so long your value is intrinsically linked to the specifics of that business.