Regret over handing notice in

[Eminybob]

I feel sick and I can't sleep. I think I've made a massive mistake, not that there's anything I can do now but just need to get it out.

I accepted a new job offer and am currently working my notice at my current employer. I had to give 3 months notice and I have 2 months to go.

The new job is the same as I do now, except £10k more. Sounds like a no brainer.

BUT it's fully remote. I do 3 office days now which I really enjoy. And it's 9-5.30, I do 8-4 currently (but work through every lunch and rarely finish at 4 so provided I actually stick to my hours I shouldn't actually be working any longer days)

I thought with fully remote it would be better for the DC, they go into before and after school club on my office days currently which they'll no longer need to do, but I will still be working until 5.30. They are old enough to occupy themselves and DH wfh also so it's not the end of the world but still a little sad that actually I won't get any more time with them in the afternoons.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

Every day I think to myself that I don't want to leave.

There are some pros to the new job (obviously as that's why I accepted it):
The money (and the realisation I am currently underpaid!)
The saving on child care and commuting costs
Shorter school days for the DC
Bigger more established company with more career opportunities
Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment. Lots of issues and failed attempts at fixing them, whereas actually the solution is employ more staff (which they'll won't do and there have been redundancies and talk of more, although not in my department)
New employer is actively recruiting to build bigger teams, so my role is extra, rather than to replace a leaver.

Sorry this was a long rant. I guess I'm looking for reassurance I've done the right thing. Or for someone to tell me it's ok to retract my notice and stay put!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

What if you retract your notice and 6 months down the line your current employer goes bust ? I'd take the job.

Someone told me to stay for the job not the people and it's true but o get it's so hard. I left a long term role a year ago and still really miss my colleagues and knowing the role inside out but I'm warming more money with more flexibility so I did make the right move and sounds like your current co workers wish they were going to

Your kids don't need you to entertain them between 3-5pm. Let them use their imagination and make their own fun, like we had to back in the day.

See your old colleagues outside work if you miss them.

Take the new job, OP. You'll be fine.

You’ll see your kids more before school and have more energy as not travelling. New job seems better.

My children have a few days where they have to amuse themselves and it's not perfect, the younger one misses chatting to someone until one of us is free but they like to get to come home, have a snack and relax, especially on days where they're tired. I try and leave different snacks out and give full attention as soon as I can.

It’s always a risk of course. But pp is right that you shouldn’t stay in a job only because of people because people can leave. You could be sat there in a couple of years time with a bunch of miserable bastards wondering why you didn’t take the opportunity.

It’s fear of the unknown but you are doing the right thing, it sounds like you will be around more for your kids in the mornings and you’re joining a company that’s going places.

New job sounds great but keep the ASC unless you're absolutely sure you won't need it.
Make absolutely sure to make up for the loss of colleagues by doing a a social activity with other adults at least twice a week. (A club or sport you've never had time for / couldn't afford before?) This is so important if you WFH.

The line that stood out to me from your original post is “Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment”. If your current company goes bust, where would you be then? Even if it doesn’t, it sounds as though people are overworked if they need to take on more people but don’t. The current workforce can change - you’re leaving; others will - there’s always a bit of churn, no ,after what industry you’re in. I think you’re just having cold feet at the thought of of change and the unknown - once you’ve been in the new job for a couple of weeks, you’ll be wondering what you were worried about! Even if it transpires it’s not what you want, there’s nothing stopping you from applying for a different, more office-based job if you don’t like it - but at the moment, I think you’re just seeing all the negatives. You applied for this job for a reason, so give it a chance.

The new job sounds good. Also remember that you felt strongly enough about leaving your current job to look and get another job….

I completely disagree. Particularly if there are redundancies and it feeks like a sinking ship! Plus, the colleagues you like could leave tomorrow.

Honestly from your first post alone, I’d say your new job is a better prospect. I don’t think you’ve made a mistake.

But I think you should opt to not work at home for maybe three days (within school hours) whether that’s in a shared workspace or in the company itself.

Also yes to keeping your children in ASC for a couple of days a week.

Stay in touch with old colleague friends! Can you organise a book club or something with them so you can still see them once a month?

You would be mad to stay. The opportunity at the new job is far better.

Congratulations on the new role! It’s completely normal to have that wobble of ‘have I don’t the right thing?’. You’re going to be earning so much more, have a supportive team and remote working means you can juggle all those tasks (cleaning, changing beds, prepping dinner) in your lunch break that you would otherwise do whilst your with kids

The only lack of appeal to the role is the finish time however that doesn’t mean to say that won’t ever happen. Get yourself settled and see if you can get some flex in your hours. If your husband does the normal school runs 2 days a week, can you do longer hours these days to allow you to finish early enough for the school run on a couple of days.

Starting a new Job is always daunting. The new job sounds like a great decision. Once you're a few months in you'll be grand. ☺️

Sounds good, lots of positives. I'm sure your children will appreciate the less rushed mornings and just coming home after a long day at school too. They can have a bit of down time before homework etc.

I think when you are working your notice period, you suddenly remember all the good things about the role and not the frustrations which have led to you moving on.

Stay strong, and I would still use after school club if the kids enjoy it.

Take the job! You can stay in touch with the people you like and there’s a lot to be said for having a pay rise. The fear of the unknown is what’s worrying you and that’s normal. There is a reason you started looking for other roles outside of your current job….good luck!

Will you be able to pick them up every day?. My work is very flexible but they would not like me being unavailable for work and meetings every day between 3.15pm and 3.45pm - depending on how long pick-up takes . A couple of days a week maybe if I made up the half hour before or after work but not every day.

The new job sounds better but I think you will need the after school club for three nights a week. You cannot work and supervise children. They will find it miserable and so will you. Who is going to collect them if you are both working?

Have a read or listen to "Who moved my cheese", which is all about change and whether you take control of what happens to you, or if you wait for things to change instead. You've done a good and brave thing by taking control of your career and future. And if it doesn't work out, that's ok too - all a learning experience.

It's just that fear of the unknown OP. Your current company sounds as though it's not financially secure if it's having to make redundancies. Don't be surprised if other colleagues get the courage to jump ship once you've gone.

I took early redundancy from a company I'd worked at for 30 years. The stress initially was immense but I came to realise it was the best thing I ever did.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

I just wanted to pick up on this point. I generally think it's a bad idea to base decisions like this on what your team is like. People come and people go. Companies restructure, breaking teams apart. Sometimes, just one new person coming in can completely spoil what was a good team dynamic.

If there are other sound reasons for staying, it's OK to view your current awesome team as a tick on the 'pro-stay' side, but don't centre this in your decision making as you have no control over whether your team remains the same in the longer term.

Hi Op,
Just to say I am in a really similar situation. I started a new job in January (same role) for 10k more and a ten minute commute so I can drop breakfast clubs. My old team was lovely and I was so worried thinking it was a mistake leaving. But now Im in my new team its harder but better and I no longer feel resentful over being underpaid and others are now leaving. You left for a reason. Give the new job a go and try not to think too much!! Xxx

This is just jitters. You are doing the right thing. I work at home full time and it has provided a much better work/life balance. My kids are older but even when they were younger their preference was to come home. This wasn’t about having my attention. It was about being in their own space. If I’m not in a meeting I talk to them when they come in about their days. This is better than when I was out of the house as by the time I came home, it was dinner and back out to activities. By just being here they feel they are getting more of my attention. My eldest told me recently she much prefers me working from home.