Regret over handing notice in

[Eminybob]

I feel sick and I can't sleep. I think I've made a massive mistake, not that there's anything I can do now but just need to get it out.

I accepted a new job offer and am currently working my notice at my current employer. I had to give 3 months notice and I have 2 months to go.

The new job is the same as I do now, except £10k more. Sounds like a no brainer.

BUT it's fully remote. I do 3 office days now which I really enjoy. And it's 9-5.30, I do 8-4 currently (but work through every lunch and rarely finish at 4 so provided I actually stick to my hours I shouldn't actually be working any longer days)

I thought with fully remote it would be better for the DC, they go into before and after school club on my office days currently which they'll no longer need to do, but I will still be working until 5.30. They are old enough to occupy themselves and DH wfh also so it's not the end of the world but still a little sad that actually I won't get any more time with them in the afternoons.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

Every day I think to myself that I don't want to leave.

There are some pros to the new job (obviously as that's why I accepted it):
The money (and the realisation I am currently underpaid!)
The saving on child care and commuting costs
Shorter school days for the DC
Bigger more established company with more career opportunities
Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment. Lots of issues and failed attempts at fixing them, whereas actually the solution is employ more staff (which they'll won't do and there have been redundancies and talk of more, although not in my department)
New employer is actively recruiting to build bigger teams, so my role is extra, rather than to replace a leaver.

Sorry this was a long rant. I guess I'm looking for reassurance I've done the right thing. Or for someone to tell me it's ok to retract my notice and stay put!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

I really would reconsider the idea of not using any wraparound - I think 6 is too young for that and your new employer may not be ok with it either

have You asked about hours? Could you ask to work earlier to finish earlier?

OP, your new job sounds much much better.
You are not getting extra time with the family, but not losing any either.
Redundancies and overwork in your current role, plus underpayment.... that is not a healthy workplace culture. You will make plenty of connections and love your new role soon enough, though not likely become friends, as you do not see each other. You will get used to it in no time.

What does ‘amusing themselves’ actually mean though ?

New job sounds ideal, are they recruiting for more staff? (asking for a friend)

I think this is more better the devil you know in your mind. You've said its underpaid and a bit of a sinking ship and there is talk of more redundancies, but not in your department - yet.

Go for it!

Again, are they taking more people on 😂

I wonder if there's flexibility to start at 8 twice a week and/or shorter lunch so you can finish and be with your kids earlier a couple of times a week.

I agree with PPs on continuing ASC.

sounds like your having some last minute nerves OP I would stick with it, even for the money alone surely that's got to be a massive bonus.

You could put in a flexible working request to change your start and end times.

Don't overestimate the need for your children to have your attention! I think for many children simply having you 'around' even if you are not interacting with them, is reassuring and nurturing.

I think it is good that they are amusing themselves for a short time - that's a useful life skill, and a good way to 'wind down' after school. And then you will be with them from 5.30! I'd give it a go for a while and see how you all get on before rushing to change working hours.

The new job sounds amazing, good luck!

It's a no brainier for me - calmer mornings, less expense - more time for family time - perfect solution while they are still young

Once they are at secondary then your next move can be more office based as life swings in a different direction

It sounds like a great plan but yes figure out how you can use your lunch break to get some people contact etc but these are easy fixes

I think it’s normal to have a little bit of regret over resigning. I know I did when I resigned from a place that I had loved in the past & more importantly had amazing colleagues. I even went into someone in lower management to discuss options for withdrawing my resignation. I did stick to my guns in the end and left in July. I have not had a single regret; I think it was my brain overthinking rather than reflecting on a rational decision I had made.

I think it's just "buyers remorse".

Any big decision like this will always be a leap of faith. Don't stay underpaid by your current employer just for familiarity.

This sounds like the right decision on so many levels. It's more money for less inconvenience, a better future and prospects for yor family. The ability to be around more - you will appreciate that as your kids get a bit older and at secondary school.

As for the fully remote bit, I am almost fully remote and would recommend having a plan for how you will tackle the downside.

You can spend time in some coffee shops or libraries with a laptop to mitigate isolation and inactivity. You might get a bit more chitchat with your kids in "watercooler" moments.

Make sure you go out of your way to leave the house at least every couple of days. 🤣 Even just a walk round the block.

If like me you have few friends outside work, think about doing 'incidental' social stuff like yoga classes or social groups, to stay "connected" to the world.

Good luck!! This could be the best opportunity you ever had - you'll never know until you try. Life's too short to wonder "what if".

One thing to watch out for will be you requiring the 10 year old to “mind” the 6 year old and keep them quiet.

Also I have two cats and they provide me with cute, furry interruptions which break up the monotony of the day. 🤣

The sinking ship part is probably enough reason to leave by itself. In six months time all the things you like about the old company will have changed, for the worse.

Focus on the positive because no job is permanent and you can move on from the new one too.

Sorry for multiple messages. Get a childminder or after school club for your 6 year old or you can't write off any idea of work between the school run and 5:30pm.

In practice it will drive you insane. "Muuuuummmmm"...

Who will be picking up the children at 3.30?

One other point - lots of people I know who are fully remote and have older children take a break when they come in from school and then work a little later or take a shorter lunch break. I certainly did and I really enjoyed working this way.

At those ages, straight after school the children went to talk to you about what happened at school

I think you've made the right choice, particularly because you mentioned: company being a sinking ship, redundancies, being overworked and underpaid. You've said that you'd save time and money (and earn more) in new role. It sounds like a no brainer!

I worked for my last company for over 15 years. Loved the people but the job and lack of career progression was making me bored. Old company was pushing for 3 days back in the office which didn't make sense as my team were up and down the country.
I jumped to a competitor late last year and love it. I have tons to sort out and the new job is not perfect but I am lucky enough to be at a level where I can flex my hours as I please around meetings and I am fully remote with the odd day here and there in different offices to meet teams or clients.
I love working from home and after 2 days in my local office for a workshop cannot imagine going back to hybrid.
New job has brought pluses of my experience and knowledge actually being listened and actioned on, new work colleagues who are lovely and alot better pay.

Always move forwards, never step back!

Not sure yet, but DH can, he takes a 3-4 lunch break 2 days per week and can easily do that 5 days of need be.

OP it will be the making of you. Two years ago I accepted a new role with a 10k rise, and I am fully remote. I absolutely love it. I’ve had two pay rises since too. We do have a flexible working policy so one day a week I now finish at 3:30 too, it’s always worth asking. I am SO glad I made the move I’d have been stuck if I’d stayed!

It is scary going to a new job as there are so many unknowns.

I never did it, stuck with the same company for 24 years until my hand was forced (redundancy) and went to another job. Terrified me as old job had lots of people that I essentially grew up, we had been through a lot together.

Honestly? New job is amazing (mostly WFH), people are just as nice, everything about the job is better and it highlighted to me many toxic parts (and people) of my old job that I didn't even realise were there. It allowed me to grow "me" rather than be in the box I thought my close colleagues/friends expected me to be. I have moved roles within the new company twice and now earn twice as much as I did in my old role.

Good luck with your new opportunity.