Regret over handing notice in

[Eminybob]

I feel sick and I can't sleep. I think I've made a massive mistake, not that there's anything I can do now but just need to get it out.

I accepted a new job offer and am currently working my notice at my current employer. I had to give 3 months notice and I have 2 months to go.

The new job is the same as I do now, except £10k more. Sounds like a no brainer.

BUT it's fully remote. I do 3 office days now which I really enjoy. And it's 9-5.30, I do 8-4 currently (but work through every lunch and rarely finish at 4 so provided I actually stick to my hours I shouldn't actually be working any longer days)

I thought with fully remote it would be better for the DC, they go into before and after school club on my office days currently which they'll no longer need to do, but I will still be working until 5.30. They are old enough to occupy themselves and DH wfh also so it's not the end of the world but still a little sad that actually I won't get any more time with them in the afternoons.

And I currently work with some awesome people who I will miss terribly. The thought of not seeing them daily makes me feel sad.

Every day I think to myself that I don't want to leave.

There are some pros to the new job (obviously as that's why I accepted it):
The money (and the realisation I am currently underpaid!)
The saving on child care and commuting costs
Shorter school days for the DC
Bigger more established company with more career opportunities
Current employer feels like a bit of a sinking ship at the moment. Lots of issues and failed attempts at fixing them, whereas actually the solution is employ more staff (which they'll won't do and there have been redundancies and talk of more, although not in my department)
New employer is actively recruiting to build bigger teams, so my role is extra, rather than to replace a leaver.

Sorry this was a long rant. I guess I'm looking for reassurance I've done the right thing. Or for someone to tell me it's ok to retract my notice and stay put!

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

Yes you work with great people , but when you leave you will be forgotten about . They will also think nothing of throwing you under a bus if need be . Look after yourself at work always and do what's right for you . They are work colleagues not friends.

Only on MN are people obsessed with retirement and pensions. Yes, they're a serious thing to consider but most people I know (myself included) are not going to work 20 plus years, in a miserable job, to have money for a nice holiday or two when I am 70 (if I live that long).

I saw a financial advisor who said "we can't live and work for the ten years we'll get to spend our money". He is so right, by the time we're 80 we need less money as we do less. I am convinced this idea of working hard for a good retirement has been sold to us by the pensions industry!

Happiness now trumps happiness in the future, IMO.

It sounds like cold feet to me, the fear of the unknown. Try and think of why you wanted this new job in the first place, how happy you were when you got it. It's only because you are facing an ending, which is sad. You can stay in touch with your old colleagues.

Good luck.

Honestly your new job sounds great. Once you have settle in you might be able to work until say 4 on some days and then do your final hours in an evening. It does depend on your job but I’ve done that set up before. Or alternatively work later on one day so on another you can pick kids up after school. If it is a remote job and so not dependant on being around other the whole time there tends to be flexibility. So don’t stress. Get settled in and see how it goes.

Completely normal to feel like this! Don’t look back OP - you started looking for jobs elsewhere for a reason.

Came to say this essentially. Yes- working with people you like is like a breath of fresh air sometimes BUT they are just colleagues with lives that change and take them to different places, and then when they jump ship as people inevitably do then what will you have then? You’ll be stuck in an underpaid job in what sounds like a sinking ship.
If you’d said you’ve since heard terrible things about the new company from people who work there this would be a different thing entirely. But you have no reason to suspect your new job won’t be just as or even more enjoyable, and you’ll make new friends and connections. I’m not sure what your industry is like either but if it’s small you may even end up working with people you know again.

You're doing the right thing taking the new job

There was a reason you started a job hunting. Remind yourself what that !!

If the kids enjoy ASC, I'd leave them there for now until you're more sorted, but if they don't like it, I'd pick them up at 3:30 but worn them before they make the decision need to amuse themselves until 530 because you and their dad will be working and can't be disturbed all the time. Given the choice most children would choose to be at home with the home comforts and their own toys and stuff obviously it's up to you to set limits on screen time whether that BTV or pads et cetera have a designated area for snacks or whatever shoots you, but just make sure there's drinks food available but they can get themselves And you're not to be disturbed unless there's blood or fire!!

You can keep in touch with the people you are friendly with. I know it's not the same as seeing them every day and just being there but as loads of people have already pointed out people move on and things change your current workplace doesn't sound like it's offering you much in the way of stability, et cetera

With tax etc I don't know how much extra you'll end up with your pocket each month, but maybe you could do something specific with the difference that also makes it feel worthwhile?

The notice period seems quite long to me and it's bound to highlight the things you'll miss but also think really hard about the things you won't miss!!

You're just suffering from the collywobbles it'll all be good!!

Sounds like a great opportunity op and I see mostly positives. My children were a similar age when we were coming out of COVID so I was still fully WFH and they were coming straight in with no after school club and it was fine. They did homework, relaxed, played out before dinner. If available I would have put them in afters a couple of days a week but if you don't I wouldn't worry. If you are worried about feeling isolated I would try a few hobby in the evening. My friend didn't like WFH so once a week/fortnight she will book herself a hotdesk in town to get a change of scenery. Another positive is no commute so you'll be less tired so I was more up for going to the park before/after dinner or going walks on my lunch break in the nicer weather. You'll build things in that help you get out more. You're jumping from a sinking ship, keep an eye out for jobs for your work mates and the might come with you.

Go and ask.if you can retract yoyr resignation if that's what you'd like to do. They can only say no.

Don't know if this is any help but whenever I've given my notice in a job, during the notice period the relief is so great that I feel happier. Then all of the people I work with seem nicer than they ever were!
It's never a good idea to stay for colleagues imo. People leave jobs all the time and if lots of that team leave you'll wish you had jumped ship too.The dynamic can change by one person leaving or starting.
How would've you felt if you turned down your new role and then someone where you work now then got that very job?
You can still keep in touch with your old team. As time goes on you'll probably realise you've made the right decision.
Your dcs will manage fine for a couple of hours a day. It's not as if they'll be completely by themselves, just like on a weekend where you're not sitting right next to them occupying them.
If you don't enjoy your new role then how easy is it move jobs again? Even then you'd have the leverage of being paid a higher salary to negotiate with. If your current employer wanted to could they have increased your salary to even half the increase you will be getting now. Probably not if the company is on its knees with redundancies. I'd be concerned that the current company I work for could fold anyway but obvious you know that likelihood of that happening.
There's nothing wrong with changing your mind because ultimately it's you that will doing the job and happiness is always more important than money (obviously-sorry)although your dcs won't have to go to after school care etc.
Good luck with your decision. Sorry you're losing sleep over it.

This seems to me to be "new job nerves". I remember going through something similar.

Remember, your current job cannot be that wonderful otherwise you wouldn't have looked for a new one. (At any rate that's what I told myself when I got them.)

As well as the extra cash, there seem to be a lot of positives with your new job. I'd go for it.

I am in the same position, 2 months to go in my 3 month notice period but I am going fully remote to hybrid!

tbh I think wobbles are normal, fear of the unknown, imposter syndrome, what if, etc but loads of people move jobs all the time and it’s fine! I know if the worst came to it my current work would have me back as we are always short staffed.

This is so true. I stayed in a low paying job for far longer than I want to admit because I was too scared to leave and loved that I worked with my friends.

I did eventually leave (with much anxiety) as the salary wasn't manageable anymore. I have now progressed 2 levels and had several pay rises.

Those 'friends' have all but disappeared now, despite trying to keep the friendships going. The odd Christmas and birthday message but that's it 😩

It's graduation goggles! This sounds like the right move, OP

m.youtube.com/watch?v=XsPLw7NcB-w

If you get fed up working fully remote find nice spaces to work from, I’ve found some beautiful hotels/ Somerset house, IOD etc try to lunch out once a week. Get a dog?

It's head vs heart. Your heart is happy with the current job but head says you deserve better and so do the kids. You never know - you might love remote. If you don't you can move to another job in a year or so. Most employers are hybrid now.

I have turned down a fully remote job because the thought of being home all the time worried me. Now I do 2 days in office but I wonder if remote would've been better. I think there is no perfect answer. More options just means more confusion. You'll never know until you take the leap.

And never stay for the people. They almost always leave, and you will regret not making your move.

Talk yourself down and make a list of pros!

Yes! This is it!

Thanks all. It's reassuring to know most of you think I'm doing the right thing. Even people at work are telling me I am. Just cold feet. It will all be well.

I think keeping the DC in ASC is a good shout, and I have considered a shared workspace. I can rent a desk in a place down the road from me which is only £10 per day so that's an option if I need a change of scenery.

DH can do the school pick ups when they are not at ASC. The only reason he doesn't do them all now is that we only have one car and I take it to the office. His work are very flexible.