School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

I would love to know where you all work that lunchtime is respected, I regularly have back to back meetings 12pm-2pm as well as 9am and 3pm. Being unavailable during working hours really wouldn't cut any ice in my organisation.

Then own it. Say "yes, it is the school run" and get on with your day.

Your over sensitive about it because you probably know you slightly take liberties with this. Because unless you don't eat all day, Id bet you do still allow yourself a bit of a lunch break. And once you are back from the school run, yes you might be back at your desk but you now have a child around and are likely to therefore be less focused on your work. It isn't only the taking the time away from your desk, it's that when your back you are trying to work at the same time as caring for your child.

You've made it an issue by being deliberately evasive. For transparency, I would have confirmed that I used my lunch break for the school run. I would have said that my boss has approved this and this would have prevented further speculation.

Your evasiveness is the problem, not your fellow colleagues.

I agree lots of these types of careers are not compatible with flexibility. But many desk based careers are. Given the OP works from home for at least a large chunk of the day and refers to being in and out of Teams calls, it’s likely hers is desk based.

Don’t agree with you about litigation juniors by the way. That seems the odd one out in your list as a desk based job (other than court appearances). If you think that litigation seniors can be flexible, there is surely no reason juniors can’t be.

I agree with this. And I'm a working parent with two children in primary school but when I'm working, they go to after school club.

The issue is so many people take the mick, and do the school runs during their work hours. Maybe you're not and your manager is fine with you eating at your desk, using your lunch hour at 3pm and then working with a child at home in the afternoon but it's simply not possible to be fully focused on work and have your kid in the house with you.

It also makes it impossible for others to organise meetings. No meetings at 9 or 3 because various people are doing the school run and no meetings over actual lunchtime as people are taking breaks etc.

The issue is that in a room full of men he chose to call attention you potentially doing a task that is typically seen as "women's work".

This called attention to your sex and the fact that you are a mother. Two things which have always limited and impeded women's progression and respect in the workplace.

It was a simple comment but carries the weight of sexism and misogyny that women and mother's face whilst trying to balance a career.

You have been given permission to use that time. You are doing nothing wrong and he didn't need to highlight it. He is either very unaware, or was using it to embarass/knock you down a bit.

Honestly, it sounds like it was a throwaway observational comment. He won’t have thought anything of it and neither should you. If he has kids he’s probably well aware of the need to pick up kids from school. If he has any issue with it he can enquire with your boss and will be told about the arrangement. It’s really no biggie, don’t think about it anymore.

I would have replied

Not everyone has a wife to pick up the slack Bob!

but it's simply not possible to be fully focused on work and have your kid in the house with you

I beg to differ. I shut myself away in my office whether my son is home from school or not. My focus is the same.

i think you are being a bit sensitive here, lots of people in my work ask to move meetings due to school pick ups, they mention it and no problem we find a better time. I respect their honesty and move on. If someone has an issue about you doing a school run then it’s more of a them problem than you problem so I wouldn’t worry about it.

🙄

With a child young enough to need picking up from school?

Just because a child needs picking up, doesn't mean they're not old enough to sit and watch TV or do their homework without supervision.

Lots of schools are rural and it's not safe or possible for children to walk home.

Yes. My son is 10. School don't allow home walking until y6. We've had this arrangement since he was 8, which is also a fine age to sit and watch TV/ game for an hour alone in their own living room.

I’m guessing your children are quite young, but I can assure you that a 10yo (Y6) can be told to get a snack, do homework, have a shower and then read - and do all that without supervision.

They are old enough to understand that a parent is working and should not be interrupted for 1-2h except in case of emergency. They just need someone to escort them home and someone to be in the house with them.

So book a taxi, or get them to use the school bus.

This is what I would have said! (But only if I was 100% confident that nipping off to get the kids every day at 3 was really, truly a cast iron agreement made through the proper channels. Which it doesn't really sound like it us, in this case, particularly if the OP is then 'working' and also looking after the kids at home.)

I do not do meetings at 3pm as I do the school run. My manager knows and is aware, my organisation allows flexible working, all my team who have children also do the school run then but we all do a working lunch so we can take time off for the school run. I have no isses with saying yes, school run. And I find the suppliers we work with often the project manager at their end also has to go on the school run. As long as your organisation allows it there is nothing to hide. My children are also old enough to entertain themselves from 3.30 - 5.30/6pm when I finish. Most days I end up doing more than my contracted hours due to being in a high pressure stressful role so my employer is more than happy for me to do the school run and get some fresh air! I suggest you be open and honest.

So do you literally eat lunch at desk and continue typing every day? Tbh it sounds like the informal arrangement has been found out and if it has to be formalised then it's highly likely this won't get signed off. It is a piss take to integrate child collection into 3/4 of the way through the working day tbh

I don’t get all the comments about men not doing this. No, on the whole most wouldn’t. They would say I can’t do the school run because I’m at work and would then pay for after school club. Like I (female) and my husband do and almost all other working parents we know. Pushing men to take the piss more isn’t the solution, it’s women (and anyone doing this when it clearly doesn’t work for their colleagues) not doing it any more.

If it’s women doing it, why is that? Is it because women want to have jobs but also want to avoid sending their kids to wrap around care? I mean obviously that would be great but in the real world it’s very rarely a viable option and is just going to lead to resentment both at home and in the workplace. Are men just more ok with using wraparound?

If you work under 5:30pm you need after school childcare.

But why do you do this why don't you get them to walk, get the bus or a taxi? It seems an extraordinary thing for a business to allow.

I do sit at my desk and use that time to read emails, reply to work DM’s etc. Most of my day is spent in meetings so this is my email catch up time. I flag important emails which need actioning etc. I am usually done with eating in 15 mins so it isn’t a big deal. My contracted hours are 7hrs and 30 mins but nearly every day I do 8-8.30 hrs so my employer is hardly bothered about a short school run.

Why are you assuming that Bob has a wife picking up the slack? Maybe she’s at work too and their child is with a childminder or at afterschool club. Not everyone who isn’t taking the piss at work has a wife ‘picking up the slack’.

What if the child is old enough that they can supervise themselves but need a lift home from school if it's too far to walk? Its not taking the piss if the OP's work allows it. At my work we all WFH and it's very common for men and women to go and do the school run when they please. We are all trusted to do our work and work our hours but to manage our own time like the adults that we are. As a result my company, which employs over 7000 people has very low turnover of staff