School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

I used to work for the NHS where when you were at work you organised childcare. I'd imagine most places are the same.

Imagine a mass exodus from Tesco at 3pm as parents dashed to ferry their kids about

You have a lunch break, unless you’re in a role where you have a scheduled lunch time, then I don’t see the issue in picking up your child. There was a similar post about school run I saw yesterday and again the lady was called out by a man. You have to wonder why more men are still not stepping up to do the school run.

I'm in my 40s with a fairly decent career under my belt. During my career I've worked out that culturally I work best in environments that are output based. I have little interest in being monitored minute by minute and similarly I have little interest in managing my team that way either. I did a short stint in a role after maternity that was that way and I can say that it drove really negative behaviours - everyone was on the clock and as people had no give when they needed it there was zero motivation for them to give when the firm needed it.

I do the school run on a Friday and block it as out of office in my diary. Not point being shy about it and I find if you're direct it sits better rather than appearing sneaky.

That’s great and absolutely I agree it’s fine if it’s allowed. But given the pointed remark which the OP felt apparently unable to reply with a straightforward ‘yes that’s my contracted arrangement with X manager’, I suspect it’s a little more of an ‘under the radar understanding’ with an individual manager in this case and not something that is widely and openly permissible in her workplace.

What is this nonsense about men not doing it?! Depends on the role and the organisation and whether it is allowed or not. Both at my current work place and past work place both men and women do the school run. And that is corroborated by the number of men I see when I do the school run. Lawyers, software engineers, doctors, management roles, project managers etc.

The comment sounds fair enough, if it was a regular ‘lunch hour’ you could have been flexible and able to do the 3pm meeting.

I was responding to all the comments indicating that this school run job always falls to women and that more men should step up. It’s not my opinion that no or even that many fewer men do the school run. I do however think it’s probably true that fewer men would do the sort of thing that the OP does than women. My husband does as many school runs as me but around our both four day weeks and some wraparound. Neither he nor I duck out during the working day to do it.

Yes slightly off as prob wouldn't have said to a man

but you didn’t help yourself

you could and should have said - yes that’s my lunch/when I pick up dc and boss approved this for the last 5yrs

or words to that effect

saying nothing was silly and makes you look to all that you are sneaking out

and you aren’t

I hate this - my hours are 7-3 and I finish dead on 3 unless I have agreed in advance. DS' school is just over 5 minutes walk away and he finishes at 3:10.

I get frequent comments about me finishing 'early' from one male senior member of staff. He doesn't seem to have a problem with me sorting things out when I start and having it resolved when he logs on at 9:30 though...

I work in IT so mainly men

My son is 4 my daughter is 8, they can’t walk home on their own. They have a snack, watch some tv and do their homework while I work.My daughter helps son with his homework so it works well. They rarely disturb me and know I am working. My organisation allows flexibility so I don’t see any reason not to use it. There are ppl without kids who go for runs during the day or to walk their dogs etc. No one cares as long as their work is done.

Even if the man wasn’t being misogynist, he was putting you at risk of misogyny by drawing attention to your mothering duties.

You’re right to be upset but the men won’t understand if you try to explain why.

It's your business how you use that block of time. It could be chemotherapy or taking a loved one to dialysis, or any other private issue which is why you were quiet about it, as you should be.

As a manager I would never press on that and invade someone's privacy because it could be a gym session or something completely protected and private like therapy. I don't want to be in that bind. This man should know better too. I hope it bites him.

You're seriously over thinking this. I do school run morning and afternoon for DD. No one bats an eyelid. Lots of working parents do it and meetings are set outside of typical school run times as much as possible. It sounds like you have a similar arrangement where you work. Not sure why you didn't just say 'yes, it's school run time, so let's set the meeting for 3.30'. Done!

I work with two very senior men (not that that’s relevant but they are both married men whose wives don’t have the same flexibility) who do the school run, every day, which is massively inconvenient as they can’t take part in meetings 2.45 - 3.15pm . Which is prime meeting time in my workplace as lunchtime meetings in the 12.30 - 2pM window are avoided - as everyone else has their lunch break then.

We often need 2 hour meetings to hear presentations and make decisions - the “school run” timing issue is absolute shit show and I resent it.

prior to Covid and working from home they just paid a childminder.

I pay for wrap around care for my dc so I’m not inconveniencing colleagues and I can focus on my work.

Would he have said the same thing to a male member of staff? Would he heck as like. It was sexism, plain and simple. He assumed that it was the school run because (and only because) you are female.

I would complain about that.

I don’t see how avoiding a 3pm meeting is any more onerous than arranging meetings that work for people who work say 4 days a week or just mornings.

What a great dad. All his colleagues must think he's a great guy for doing the school run.

OP, this is what you need to do - be a man and you won't have anyone questioning you. In fact they'll be queuing up to pat you on the back for being an amazing parent.

Personally I would ask the manager why he said what he said and/or what he meant by it. Depending on his reply I may ask him not to bring it up again or go to HR about it.

p.s. @HoraceCope this isn't a dig at your post at all, just to point out the difference in what a lot of people think about men and women doing the school run ❤️

What happens for childcare when you return from doing the school run?

The op has said they are old enough to look after themselves. Not old enough to get a bus or a taxi though.

The op has said they are old enough to look after themselves. Not old enough to get a bus or a taxi though.

do people who sneeringly say stuff like this have children? Because they don’t seem to understand them!

I have a 9 yr old. And no, she can’t walk 40 mins home on her own and get 2 buses but yes, she can make herself a snack and pootle about the house for 2 hours without my input. From about 7-11 this is the case.

Also, the kid doesn’t need to get a taxi or a bus because the mum has flexible working!

Well the issue is whether you have childcare for after the school run surely? You shouldn’t be in sole charge of children who are too young to get home from school themselves when you’re meant to be working.