School run comments in work

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In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

Yes, exactly. Official lunch break should be off limits for meetings, but you can't avoid various people's unofficial lunch breaks too or you end up with no possible times. Complete flexi time doesn't work in all jobs.

Actually, I shall answer myself, what the f I was doing - making sure nobody could tell I had dc or not, so I would not get the sack, first hiring a nanny and then realising that the whole of husband's salary is used up to pay the nanny and then the nanny could not stay (with overtime pay) on some nights when dh and I ran late because of work, so in the end it was decided dh became a sahd to look after dc, as I earned more.

Some people need to realise that there are some real jobs out there, where you can't dictate your T&Cs - you either do a job or not. The poster is obliviously lucky - that is it. Obliviously lucky that she has the luxury of getting upset at nonsensical things, forgetting the luxury of her position - informing the senior management of her unavailability.

Maybe he would have said it to man refusing to work at school run time too?

Does everyone else have to state what they are doing in their unpaid lunch hour? No. Just the OP.

She's taking her unpaid hour break she is entitled to. Do you class anyone else taking their scheduled lumvhbreak as "refusing to work" too?

Out of interest what would happen if everyone left at 3pm to do the school run?

Ime lunchbreaks are worked in with workload and arranged on a daily basis. I haven't ever for example worked anywhere where lunch is a specified time. In a team it is split and shared out anywhere from 12 until 2pm depending on meetings etc.

How do your other colleagues feel about this arrangement op, all those parents who use family, childminders, taxis to transport their dc must surely be a bit peeved at this set up? Does your dc's df take a 3pm school run break too on alternate days?

But the chances are everyone will know the other people’s lunch times. OP just has to let people know her working times

This is very sad and somewhat out of date. Many very demanding careers are now becoming more flexible and considerate of family commitments, often because they want to retain women.

You clearly think that if you’d been unavailable at certain times, due to having kids, your career would have suffered. But you’ll never know if this is actually true.
Maybe your work would have been fine with it (within reason). Maybe your husband would have been able to keep his job and maybe you’d have seen more of your kids. Maybe you’d have made the job more manageable for women in future.

OP is not getting it wrong by expecting to have a work/life balance. Especially as this has all been ok’d by her actual boss.

I think it depends on how many people will be attending the meeting. If it has a large cast list then it can be difficult to find a time everyone can make without impinging on lunch (at lunch time). I don’t like 8 or 8.30 am meetings, but attend if needed. Likewise, I am happy with late afternoon / early evening meetings, but realise they may not suit others. You seem to be contradicting yourself when you mention you can arrange childcare but then tell people you aren’t available.

I think if you have flexibility, then you should say ' I take my lunch hour then so I can pick up by children' and really it should not be an issue. It should be fine for men as well. If both parents are expected to work then it shouldn't just be women who are doing childcare. The issue that arises is when the fleixibility leads to other employees ,who do not have young children,having to pick up the slack which is not fair obviously.

Are you actually meant to be working at 3 pm on Monday. I still think the comment was out of order.

3pm is an odd time for a lunch break, and usually where I work people would be expected to be flexible with their lunch break in order to attend meetings (eg switching to a noon lunch break if there was an important meeting at 1pm on a given day. You can't have the same flexibility with the school run.

Not everyone will understand about the school run, but dancing around it could make you seem much more awkward and difficult to work with.

I think OP was offered several times and she says she couldn’t do the 3pm one. I don’t think the man who made the comment needed to say anything, but he did, and I think he was trying to make a point, of trying to be funny but not really.

As several times were offered then it’s none of his business really, I don’t think.

Honestly this is just swivel-headed Katie Hopkins clickbaity nonsense.

I do school collections and other child related things with agreement from my workplace. I am the second most productive member of my very large team. The most productive is another parent (actually, a bloke who does the bulk of child duties). It’s such an old fashioned and unevidenced view.

Sorry, but bus drivers, train drivers, surgeons (not GPs), house officers, teachers, firefighters, nurses, emergency services providers, litigation and arbitration juniors (not seniors), hairdressers, soldiers, policemen can't have 'flexible' careers considerate of family commitments, irrespective of what the 'current flexible narrative' is. Try to tell senior management you can't do an after lunch ward round because it will collide with your 3 pm plans of whatever and see what happens to your career. Same with all the above-mentioned professions and I am sure I missed out 90% of other jobs.

Incorrect. No duty to provide transport by default, only if statutory walking distances are exceeded or in some other limited circumstances.

Agree. Since I’ve worked from home I am more likely to stay late, start early etc because I can log on. I’m happy to take a text to do something out of hours because i get the flexibility to do the school run a few times a week.

If people were only doing part time but being paid for full time wouldn’t they be on a performance review for not doing enough work? I know I would be.

I think wfh opens up employment to a lot more people.

My almost 15 year old needs collecting from school (no school or public bus) but he definitely doesn’t need supervision!!!

I agree. It is really poor to say that in a meeting with others. If he's made similar comments before he will soon have complaints made against him. Fine to bring up issues with the person's line manager if he feels it i is needed but not good to call it out in front of others.

You feel uncomfortable because you are female and a male said this to you in a way so as to put you down.
If you have an agreement with your boss, then it is fine - just refer this individual onto them. I would also block that time out in your calendar, so it can't be booked for anything. (I use to do this at work, to prevent being disturbed if I had to stay at my desk during lunchtime).
FWIW, my DH uses his lunch time to pick children up and another male friend does as well! Their bosses are fine with it. Yes they do have to state they can't attend meetings at that time!

Well exactly, if statutory walking distances are exceeded. So they walk or get the bus, or a taxi. Or ask grandma anyone. I've never known anyone nip off from work to do a school run. I bet the manager who agreed it will be popular.

Plenty of dads do the school run, mine does more than me. I would imagine his behaviour would have been noted by the others in the room as being a bit of a dick move. I’d let it go and people will draw their own conclusions. I doubt anyone else is thinking badly of you.

When mine were at primary school they were only allowed to go home on their own in year 6. Before this age they were perfectly ok to sit in the lounge on their own and play or watch tv for an hour or so.

Mine are older now. One comes home from her school and lets herself in. She does stuff on her own but she likes to know there’s someone in the house in case of a fire or something. She has ADHD and is a big worrier. I can still do my job and I do it well, according to my quarterly performance reviews.

I put 30min meetings for my school runs. But I also would swap with DH or get DC1 to do it if it’s an unmovable and important meeting. There is nothing to hide about it.

Are you employed to finish at 3? If not you shouldn't be disappearing off on the school run. Unless a flexible schedule has been agreed with your boss, you'll need to book you child/children into afterschool club then collect them after the end of your working hours??
Not relevant if the meeting was all men or all women. Women are making life harder for other women by taking the piss with school runs.