School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

Perhaps you could have said I am taking my lunchbreak at 3pm on that day. And add its none of his business why.

Its off as when you stand at the school gates its predominantly woman that are doing the the school run, in the uk. It's been said to the only woman in the group and comes across as a put down.

its none of his business why you have an appointment at 3pm, it could be a smear or a dentist solicitor for all he knows and he shouldn't be making assumptions or throwing them out their in front of a group of people and putting you on the spot

Whether you have an agreement about what you are doing or not is irrelevant - on that day you are not availble and that is between your manager and you.

Then how are working parents meant to cope? In general it's not that hard to schedule meetings that fit in with people's availability.

My eldest has Down's syndrome, so breakfast clubs and afternoon school clubs aren't an option (they probably should be, but that's a whole other thread). I work for the civil service and reading this thread has made me so grateful for the fact that I have open minded, family friendly employers, who allow me to work my part time hours (0.6) over 4 days so that they're just in school time. This has allowed me to stay in professional employment, appropriate to my qualifications (paying additional taxes etc etc) rather than my being forced to give up work or take on a typical minimum wage "mum" school-hour friendly role.

It may be the person querying it is wondering if your company policies have been applied correctly

Then they should be doing that in the correct manner, not in the middle of a meeting

If it's allowed and everyone knows about it then you should have just said so and taken control of the moment, I don't understand why you didn't unless it is an issue, which needing to rearrange a meeting to work around it sounds like it is an issue and not as fine as you would like it to ideally be sometimes. Generally when it's informal then it's fine until it isn't, so if clashes with diaries for meetings then for that day you the informal flex would be to do the meeting really and find cover for the pick up for that occasion.

Its off as when you stand at the school gates its predominantly woman that are doing the the school run, in the uk. It's been said to the only woman in the group and comes across as a put down.

And the fact that it is women at the school gate means that it is a spiral: women get put down at work, compromise pay and promotion… same with taking child sick days.

It won’t change until men start doing their share of child rearing and asking for flexibility in the office.

But either way, the working day is the working day and if you need to get childcare to attend a work hours meeting, so be it. It doesn’t help women to be known as the workforce that are always at the beck and call of motherhood.

And your flex arrangements are not private at all - they are entirely relevant and applicable to the business and clearly others need to know about them at times.

I'm not sure this is being over sensitive more a case of being a bit difficult on your part as you felt uncomfortable with it, but for no good work reason

It doesn’t help women to be known as the workforce that are always at the beck and call of motherhood

well as you state, if men could do their share...then woman wouldn't have to be at the beck and call

But OP does have permission from her manager and has made an unnecessarily big deal about a comment when a simple 'yeah i am on the school run at that time' would have saved all this angst. I suspect the person who said it hasn't thought of it since, not everything is that serious.

You’re feeling weird about it because you know it will be pissing off your colleagues. 3pm isn’t a lunch break - it’s mid afternoon. So do you honestly not stop to go and get food or anything when it’s actual lunch? It does come across as a massive piss take even if your manager is ok with it - your colleagues clearly aren’t. It’s really disruptive to others if you’ve ruled out meetings ever at a really normal time in the middle of the standard working afternoon. If people took ‘lunch’ breaks at any point that suited them through the working day, when would whole teams get together? Never because someone is always on ‘lunch’?

If you honestly thought what you do was fine and dandy you wouldn’t be feeling weird and would have clarified why at the time without any issue.

And to clarify I am a working mum of young children who pays for after school club.

I'm all for flexible working. I benefit from it myself. But it does mean that everyone else has to work around your schedule, which can cause issues, both real and perceived.

"If you honestly thought what you do was fine and dandy you wouldn’t be feeling weird and would have clarified why at the time without any issue."

It sounds like the issue was the way it was asked, making an agreed arrangement which has been fine for several years sounds like something OP should be called out over. It really isn't.

I wonder how many of the men in that meeting benefit from their partners having a similar arrangement with their workplace?

Presumably she also has to work around other people's availability, meeting clashes etc.

Oh, completely agree. Unless this gets escalated to her manager, OP should just forget about it. This is in response to some other PP who seems to have never worked for a good company that looks after their employees.

I don't understand what was so offensive about his comment, are we not allowed to comment if someone does the school run? Loads of people at my work do the school runs and it's normal if they say they can't make a meeting at school run time for someone to ask if it's the school run. No one finds it offensive or rude, it's just a school run not a big secret.

Men could do their share just as much as women. They just don’t.

And why those men aren’t similarly asking for flexi hours!

DH and I parented 50/50. I was adamant about that. It can be done (as much as for men as for women: obviously certain jobs make it harder, but that’s the job, not the sex of the person doing it).

You feel off about it because it was sexist and a deliberate attempt to belittle, undermine and make you feel "less than" in a room full of male colleagues.

It was a pointed comment op, yes. I'd be careful don't be surprised if they escalate this as staff should not be unavailable for meetings in worktime. Other people should not have to work around your school run. Your current manager has been very generous in accommodating this but I'm not sure many would.

If the dc are old enough to look after themselves then surely there is a school bus they could use, transport has got to be provided for school kids by councils.

Oh yeah great idea to take an attitude with someone in senior management 🙄

Just smile and say "yes, it's the school run" and give it no further thought.

How was it said? I can imagine this in a judgemental tone but also intended as a benign comment or even being supportive. I'm personally of the opinion that it's best to acknowledge the reason without making a big deal, but it will depend how that goes down in your workplace. In mine, people will openly explain their work schedules have been fitted around childcare and even transport arrangements (avoiding the most crowded trains or more expensive peak times), one younger colleague takes a dance class that requires her to finish 30 minutes early once a week and that's equally allowed.

If you want to speak to them, you could approach your manager or the person who said it and say you wanted to ask about their comment because your understanding was that you all manage your own schedules and your hard stop at 3 on Mondays had been approved.

It was certainly a pointed comment but he's probably experienced one too many piss taking team members who think they can sod off whenever they want when WFH.

I don't see the issue though if it's all agreed. 'Ah yes, it is, I usually take my lunch hour 3-4 for the school run' 🤷‍♀️

The only reason I can think of that you wouldn't just say that is if it's not actually agreed.

He absolutely shouldn’t have said it.

Ok ideally you should have said “Yes, as agreed with <name of my actual boss> , not sure that’s relevant however”. Or “why are you asking that?”

But it’s easy to come up with the perfect response in hindsight, not so easy at the time.

Isn't it other people's business if they have to move the meeting to accommodate your unofficial flexi time?