School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

We also have people working in different time zones. Some will be finishing work at the equivalent of 1pm uk. Some don’t start until 4pm uk. And yet, with the magic of Teams and email, we manage just fine.

I think there are a few on here who work with very rigid work rules and some that don't. I work for a big bank, but I work on projects and am not customer facing. We all WFH 100% of the time, we are contracted to 35 hours a week but as long as over a month we work our hours and our work is done then no one cares how we come and go during the day. A lot of us compress our hours and have a half day or full day off once a week. On a Friday afternoon there is barely anyone in. No one covers phones or has to cover each others work for these periods so it's all good. We are encouraged to go out for walks if we are in meetings where we are just listening in and don't need to be at our laptop. Last week I missed a meeting so they recorded it for me and I watched it back when I was able to. However another parts of the bank this doesn't work, staff in branches or in the call centre have to have more rigid hours and that's just how it is

@LadyTangerine I imagine she catches up out of hours. If it works for her and her workplace it works. Being able to work flexibly probably actually shows a better demonstration of work ethic, self discipline and time management than sticking rigidly to the old 9-5 and-not-a-second-more.

This thread really has gone off the rails hasn’t it ? OP didn’t ask whether she should change her schedule, or even for comments about the school run. She asked whether there was something off about the comment. And there was.

It really amazes me that so many women come on to these threads just to give the OP a kicking and the misogyny here is palpable.

The comment, as some have suggested, could have been in solidarity if he has kids himself, but I doubt it. More likely that if he has children himself, he’s being supported in his ‘big job’ by a partner doing the school runs and probably most of the other things connected with the kids, so he doesn’t have to worry about juggling work and domestic responsibilities. The assumption was that 3pm meant school run and he couldn’t resist a put down directed at the only woman in a room full of men. So yes, the comment was entirely inappropriate, rude and very unprofessional.

It is not misogyny, many would also raise an eyebrow at a man nipping out mid working day to ferry his kids about. Delegating is surely a skill everyone should have.

His comment was pointed yes, what is wrong with that? We've heard other people who know colleagues who play golf mid working day. Perhaps the whole flexi thing needs looking at.

many would also raise an eyebrow at a man nipping out mid working day to ferry his kids about

No one has any right to raise an eyebrow at whatever someone chooses to do in their one hour of unpaid time. It's not company time. It's no ones business.how it is spent.

This is such a weird conversation. Ever since I started working (decades ago) people have used their lunchbreak to do life stuff... hair appointments, the weekly shop, meeting a friend for coffee. Even when I was office based and we needed phone cover, anyone could request a late or early lunch and as long as there was cover, no one batted an eyelid.

I work in consulting so I have a set number of hours I need to put on my timesheets each week (not per day so you can do more/fewer hours some days). Of course most weeks I do more than this. It’s not uncommon for me to log on late at night for a couple of hours after putting the kids to bed to work when we’re busy. And my work ethic has never been called into question (if that’s what you were implying!), quite the opposite :)

We don’t have a set 9-5 type structure - my colleagues start anywhere from 7-10 in the morning, whatever works for them. Of course if we have client meetings then you work around them.

So if I take 30 mins during the day to go get my nails done, assuming I’m doing my hours and getting my work done, no one cares.

@LadyTangerine: "It is not misogyny, many would also raise an eyebrow at a man nipping out mid working day to ferry his kids about. Delegating is surely a skill everyone should have."

As a good few of us have pointed out, not everyone has the luxury of delegating this particular task.

My DH also has to share in the school run as our kids are at two different schools. In general he manages to block out the school run in his diary, and every one is fine with that. He also tends to block it out on the days I pick DD1 up (and MIL does DD2), as DD1 can sometimes be challenging and refuse to walk, and need an encouraging FaceTime from him or even for him to come and walk with us or pick us up by car.

Equally, there are some days when he can't due to an important senior meeting or on his office working days. On those occasions I just have to manage/cross fingers that DD1 is behaving well enough for us to walk home without his help.

Who do you imagine a man would delegate the school run to?

Anyway, if it’s not a problem in many workplaces, why do you concern yourself with it?

She wasn’t nipping out mid working day though was she ? It was her unpaid lunch hour, and it was a previously agreed and long standing arrangement. And I’m not sure what you mean by ‘delegating’. What are you proposing delegating and to whom ?

Of course but if one member of staff needed their lunch break at 3pm every day to meet a friend for coffee or to get their hair done it would be inappropriate surely. Workload commitments dictate breaks not staff's private activities, they are usually done on days off.

'Who do you imagine a man would delegate the school run to?'

I'd imagine anyone at work would use after school clubs, a childmnder, grandparents, other school parents that you share favours with. That kind of thing.

@LadyTangerine "I'd imagine anyone at work would use after school clubs, a childmnder, grandparents, other school parents that you share favours with. That kind of thing."

I notice you've been resolutely ignoring the posts where I've detailed our situation. Myself and DH have to do the school run ourselves because most of the other options aren't open to DD1. And even with the help of the girls' gran, we still have two schools (at opposite ends of town) to get to, so one of us always has to be around to do one of the school pick ups.

Oh yes I've known plenty of parents work opposite shifts or days to their dps to accommodate childcare.

I'm not suggesting that parents shouldn't organise their households to accommodate that, just imo regular set lunchbreaks at 3pm to do a school run is unusual and inappropriate. As a one off when stuck fine but not several times when we are actually at work.

I think we will have to acknowledge that different places work differently, some more accomodating than others.

Tbh I think it was best not to reply but keep note of it. While I am not one for seeking out reasons to be offended I think it was inappropriate.

But that's what I'm saying. DH is full time. He also does the school pick up 2 or 3 days a week. And on a fair few occasions has to rush out and help me when I'm doing the school run if DD isn't cooperating. Thus on many days he is not available from 3-4. Everyone survives and his work still gets done. And somehow meetings manage to be arranged around this.

None of his business. If the twat has DC his other half probably does all that.

It sounds as if he was being sarky about the likelihood of you being available fully after said school run? Late lunch, fine, but looking after DC post school run while being expected to be available for meetings will be frowned upon by these senior members. Xx

This was my first thought. Not the actual school run itself, but looking after DC after while working. X

In which case, your colleague is bang out of order. Infuriating that men rarely have to wrestle with this and yet feel free to make sexist comments about a legit flexible working arrangement.

Me: Can we do 3pm?
Colleague: No, I can't do that regular slot
Me: Oh, is it school run?
Colleague: Yes
Me: Ok cool, I'll make sure I avoid that slot.

Agreed with you that it isn't anyone else's business. He may not have realised that it was a less than clever thing to do?

I’d do exactly the same, no one else’s business - you’re not available it doesn’t matter why.

I’m guessing the point you’re making is that he probably wouldn’t have said it if you were a man with a 3pm engagement and couldn’t attend the meeting.

No, I don’t think he should have passed comment. Not unless he was trying to say that it was imperative that the meeting had to go ahead at that time due to operational or business reasons. But he should have been clearer.

In this situation, I’d probably be a bit annoyed. Maybe just make a note of the comment, date, and who was present. Just in case this individual continues with comments like this. Indirect sex discrimination should not be tolerated.