Big event clash - WWYD?

[everychildmatters]

Just found out a provisional date for my niece's wedding (husband's side) is on the same Saturday as my Mum's 70th. Bloody typical!!
I know all "big" birthdays are special, but my Mum was really poorly a while ago and she honestly never expected to make this milestone. We are incredibly close.
What would you do in my position?
Wedding about 4 hours drive from home.

OP already knew of her mother wanting to do something on the day, whether or not she ‘accepted’. She knew this before getting the ‘provisional’ wedding date, so I would still commit to the birthday. It was known about first.

Wedding!!!

Your mums birthday celebrations can be any other day except for this one and this is exactly what my mum would suggest. She can have a birthday month rather than it being just one day (that hasn't been arranged yet)

I’d take my daughter with me to mums birthday, her cousins wedding wouldn’t trump grandma in this situation

Could you not have the party for your DM on the Sunday? Then everyone can be at both events.

Where will you be missed the most OP?
With the best will in the world, I doubt your husband's niece will be devastated if you aren't at her wedding, but your mother might be if you don't see her.
I would celebrate with your mother and your husband goes to the wedding.

OP said this wouldn’t be possible due to the amount of travel involved.

Why would your husband's niece who you are not close with by your own admission ask your 4 year old dd to be a bridesmaid. That makes no sense.

@MerryOliveFinch Well partly because she's the only little one in the entire family?

@everychildmatters They live hours away and you aren't close. Highly unlikely.

I say the birthday trumps the wedding.

I had a similar dilemma once, went to the wedding, and regretted it because I hardly saw the bride the whole day and then the marriage didn't even last so the bride couldn't have cared less about who was there.

@MerryOliveFinch Very likely in fact - tip off from SIL. We do have a car, you know.

When is the wedding?

I find it odd you know the exact date but don't know if your daughter will be a bridesmaid? Choosing bridesmaids is one of the first decisions a bride makes.

It's pretty crucial information in deciding whether you should attend the wedding or not. If your 4 year old is a bridesmaid then you should attend without question.

So when is the wedding because something isn't adding up. Sounds like you're finding excuses not to attend.

You would be choosing your ' old ' family i.e. your other children to go to your Mums birthday meal - ' original family ' over your ' new ' family i.e. your youngest daughter your husband and of course his niece and your husband's family.

I thought this sounded familiar as the other thread you wrote under a different username was so unusual. You came up with every excuse not to go to this wedding last time. You stated you have no relationship with the bride and don't consider her your niece, so your daughter is definitely not a bridesmaid. Last time you said the wedding was a week day so you couldn't go but now it has suddenly landed on a Saturday that happens to be your mother's 70th Birthday, yet in other recent threads you say your mum is 65!!

Just admit you don't want to go and stop making up different excuses to justify your decision for not going. You are going to look totally rude to your DHs family either way.

@MerryOliveFinch Nothing better to do, N? x

?

You go to mums birthday and husband goes to nieces wedding

OPs mum would probably prefer to celebrate with her own friends and family, including her daughter, than her son in law’s family.

Go with your mum. Your husband can take your daughter to the wedding if she is a bridesmaid