Big event clash - WWYD?

[everychildmatters]

Just found out a provisional date for my niece's wedding (husband's side) is on the same Saturday as my Mum's 70th. Bloody typical!!
I know all "big" birthdays are special, but my Mum was really poorly a while ago and she honestly never expected to make this milestone. We are incredibly close.
What would you do in my position?
Wedding about 4 hours drive from home.

Who else is likely to be joining your mum's celebrations? If it is just you folks I would go with pp suggestion of all going up to the wedding area for the weekend. Dh and dd going to the wedding, you and mum doing something like a spa/ shopping trip/ sightseeing.

Aren't you all the same family? A birthday celebration can be easily displaced a little, a wedding not so much. I'd aim to do both. 70 plus or minus a day or two is still 70. It's fairly normal to celebrate a birthday at a weekend when others can come rather than a weekday, so hardly a shocking thing to do.

Can't your mum just celebrate the weekend before/ after.

Weddings are pretty important as well.

Do you mean it's your Mum's birthday or an event to celebrate her birthday that's already been arranged?

If nothing has been arranged yet surely you celebrate your Mum's birthday on a different date, most adults ime have parties on weekends regardless of when there actual birthday is

My Mum wanted to do something with immediate family on her big day so I feel gutted as hubby will want to take our daughter to the wedding. I have two other children (with ex) but they are 15 and 17 and would of course be at Mum's party, but my 4 yo is very close to her. Only other person in Mum's immediate family is my brother who is autistic and has no children.

Amazed at how many people are saying birthday

Surely a wedding trumps a birthday, and as some have mentioned can be celebrated near the actual day, sounds like nothing is planned yet, just celebrate the birthday on the Sunday or nearby weekend.

Surely it’s not surprising that a milestone birthday of an immediate family member demands the same consideration as the wedding of an extended family member?

If it's a provisional date for the wedding, flag up your clash straight away. They need to know about it ASAP anyway, and it might be there's another date that would do just as well.

Obviously you can't expect them to arrange their day around you, but communication is a good thing here. You never know, it may just work out.

Ultimately though, Mum's special birthday takes precedence, unless she herself suggests moving her celebration.

Mum’s birthday, as it’s a landmark one. DH to the cousin’s wedding, if he wants to, but without DD. Maybe tell them promptly so the bridesmaid question doesn’t arise. The cousin will have plenty of other family and guests at the wedding, you won’t be missed.

Go to your Mums birthday. As the date is provisional, DH can pass on your regrets with reasoning now. It sounds as though they’re sounding out people’s availability before committing to the date (not saying you’ll swing it one way or another) so give them the info

Why would your husband want to go to a wedding 4 hours away when the rest of the family will be with your mum? Your 4 year old will have plenty of opportunities to be a bridesmaid in the future and she's too young to remember any of it in the future.

I've told SIL. I expect husband will still want to go and take daughter so I'm a bit gutted for my mum as her family is small.

@heyhopotato It is his only niece.

So what, a niece is barely a relative? Or are they besties?

Your daughter will be a bridesmaid for her friends and be old enough to remember it.

Mum's birthday without a doubt

But would your mum not be happy to celebrate a few days before or after.

I would hate to miss my nieces wedding

Is it actually your mums birthday that Saturday? Could you have a big celebration one weekend either side?

@febmayjune87 Her birthday weekend would be out as lots of travel involved so hubby would have to stop overnight (Sat to Sun). I couldn't take days either side as I'm a teacher.

@mitogoshigg Yes. Her birthday is on the Saturday - exactly same day as wedding 😢

But would your mum not understand and be willing to celebrate the weekend before or after. Most people get that weddings are important as well.

Move the birthday celebration to another date.

Can you not explain to your mum about the clash and do something special with her the weekend before?

I think your Mum if told about the wedding would insist you celebrate her birthday on a different day.
It doesn't seem that you have actually made plans for her birthday, nothing is booked / paid for is it ?

If celebrated on a different day then there will be 2 more people there - your husband and daughter, if not then there could only be 3 of you there - yourself and your other 2 children.
You didn't say if your brother would be going to whatever thing you decide to plan.

Wedding. No question.

mum’s birthday weekend before or weekend after .

Let husband go to wedding with 4yo whilst you go to your mums birthday with the two older children and do something like a meal which wouldn’t suit the 4yo anyway. Do something nice with your 4yo and mum another weekend. Your mum is an adult, I am sure she can cope with not doing something with her younger grandchild on the day of her birthday! You and older DC can still make sure she has a special day and not having a 4yo with you will give more options for a day out anyway, you could do a spa day or nice meal or afternoon tea or country gardens or a theatre show etc none of which are massively child friendly.