To ask why some mothers insist on breastfeeding despite weight loss?

[doodahdayy]

I follow a group on Facebook of babies born during the same month as ds2, and a few mums have had problems with babies dropping centiles along with hospital admissions, formula top ups etc. Despite all this they seem adamant they want to continue breastfeeding. I know bf is optimum when it works, but surely sometimes you need to admit it's just not working? Is it really that rewarding to the mum to keep trying through all the issues? In a few years will it even matter?

This was my son, he had a cows milk protein allergy that was worsened by the formula top ups. It took months for a diagnosis, while I was predominetly breastfeeding he wasn't as bad as when he had the formula.

Once I figured out what it was ( and his doctors insisted i was wrong) I could alter my diet. It took me months to get to see the pediatric dietician who was horrified by how dismissive my GP was.

YABMU

I’m one who persevered for a couple of weeks despite challenges and then did combi to 4 months

I wanted to make it work because:

1. it’s best for baby
2. its most convenient for me - no sterilising, no waiting for kettles to boil, no worrying about feeding them out and about or when travelling, no going to the kitchen in the middle of the night
3. it’s cheaper - formula costs us £30+ a week
4. Weight loss benefits
5. the oxytocin boost really made getting up in the night easier for me

I was willing to deal with short term pain for long term gain regarding the first few weeks but unfortunately I have insufficient breast tissue and was gutted to have to accept combi feeding. It worked out though and that had benefits for us too.

Guess it depends on the overall weight loss and the trajectory. Ie is loss slowing or starting to gain? I’m sure they think they can get support and turn it around…..and most of the time that’s correct. Also remember some initial weight loss is physiologically normal.

will it matter in a few years? Yes, breastfeeding has lifelong benefits for the mother and child. Lower cancer risk, lower allergies, lower asthma, lower eczema, lower obesity.

So my personal, very painful response to this is - there is so much fucking unnecessary pressure. Everyone reacts to it in different ways, but lots of mums I know take it to heart. Add the fact it's the 'best thing to do for your child!' Plus sleep deprivation, plus a high level of judgement for stopping, possible postpartum...

I knew, personally, breastfeeding wasn't going to be for me. I let the pressure get to me anyway and all I remember for the first month after DS was born is crying, endless feelings of failure, and at times hating the small thing mangling and dangling off my boob 😬 It was the worst time of my life mentally, I missed so many lovely moments I started having when I finally gave in and went to formula, and with hindsight I really regretted it. But even when he was losing weight and I was crying my eyes out to the HV, the pressure was still there - from 2x HVs and a birth clinic - to keep trying as it was the best thing for us. It absolutely, categorically was not and looking back that advice was pretty dangerous.

I persevered in this situation. It was tough but it meant a lot to me and I’m glad I did . It got much easier and I breast fed for 10 months.
I loved that bond and the convenience of being able to feed your baby from your own body without having to make bottles in the night.

When my baby started dropping centiles my GP and Hv both advised to keep bf.

firstly because introducing formula often messes with supply so babies actually get less than fully bf. The focus should be on feeding more and techniques to improve bf rather than jumping straight to formula.

secondly because formula top ups etc can artificially cause weight gain, masking any underlying problem.

so instead of messing with formula and top ups I was referred straight to paeds, who that often crossing centipedes is percieved as “weight loss”, when in fact it’s a perfectly normal baby just not aware it should be following a line of a graph. That the centipede are averages and not every baby, especially bf babies, follows a nice line.

so many people I know had a lot of intervention trying to “fix” bf issues that didn’t need fixing. My baby’s chart looks like steps- where the curve flattens then jumps up during a growth spurt.

both my go and hv actually prefer not to weigh and use clinical judgement instead. The numbers don’t mean much without the clinical picture.

Your post sounds quite judgemental. My son lost weight. I continued breastfeeding because there was no lack of milk, he kept vomiting which i assumed was the main problem. Eventually found out he was allergic to cows milk, so if i had switched he would have got worse.

Because mums want to do the best for their babies and find the strength to persevere - for some this works out

Autocarrot! Centile not centipede!

There’s a big aspect of not knowing what the problem is.

It’s not like switching to formula feeding magically solves all weight gain issues. It can sometimes, and sometimes it solves one issues and introduces another. Same with any switch in feeding.

If breastfeeding works for you and your baby then it’s massively cheaper and easier in the long run. And has the immune system benefits. So it’s worth persisting through a tough start for many.

It’s similar to how you’ll almost never hear ‘they’re struggling with reflux / constipation / wind so I’m going to try breastfeeding’. People generally want to try and fix the one they’ve gone for. Not change.

@LittleRedRidingHoody your experience completed resonated with me. I felt like such a failure, like if I just tried hard enough it would work. The hormones and the messaging was a brutal combination. I remember we got sent back to hospital and there were posters everywhere about how breast is best that I had to walk past while the midwives told me to try formula. It was awful. I ended up pumping for months because I was desperate to make it work, it was terrible for my mental health and I never produced enough. A few years later when I was pregnant with my second, my friends all commented on how much I'd put myself through. I laughed and said I'd learned my lesson and would definitely go straight to formula if bf didn't work out quickly this time. Cut to three days postpartum and I was a sobbing mess again, unable to listen to logic and reason.
There should be more support to help mums do the best they can and more training in hospitals about what that can look like.

I persevered in the early days despite struggles. Glad I did. Fed DD1&2 until they were a year old and my DS until he was 3. I genuinely think they thrived on breast milk, so I was glad I persevered.

Because breast milk is far superior to formula, formula will always be there but if the BM dries up that will be that, so those mums are doing all they can as they feel it is best for their baby.

What are you getting at that you think the mum is doing it selfishly for her own reasons? All I ever wanted was for my children to get the best, it was hugely stressful, conflicting advice everywhere, no mum is doing it for a medal if that's what you think.

I wish I’d persevered and gone with my gut. My DD didn’t gain weight quickly and after a few weeks was pressured into formula feeding . Guess what, she still didn’t gain well! By that point my milk had gone. Although she’s now a healthy (still very petite) teenager, I’m still annoyed at the ‘professional’ advice I was given.

Well this happened with both of mine and both had CMPA DC1 was diagnosed at a few months old although he was gaining weight well by then just in constant pain. DC2 at a few days old, she wouldn’t have survived if I had switched to formula.
fed each child until
they were 3 once the initial issue was sorted

Just to clarify for any new or insecure mums who are bombarded with "breast is best" opinions everyday, breastfeeding is not the best option. Fed is best. Formula, breast milk, both, whatever. As long as your baby is fed, you're doing the best and right thing.

I guess I’m one of those people who just didn’t realise the scale of the problem.
DS and I were discharged at Day 4 after an EMCS for failure to progress.
I had always just assumed I would BF.

It was just before a BH weekend, he’d naturally lost weight after delivery as all BF babies do.

I’d struggled at home with him fretting but it still came as a shock to be told that he’d lost 20% of his birthweight and needed admission to hospital.

He had to have an Nasogastric tube passed and be fed with formula. Once that was out I was cup feeding him expressed BM.

I sent my DM out to buy everything a FF baby would need but happily a MW came in to my room that afternoon and said “right, this baby is going to feed” and stayed by my side all feed. We were both just struggling with the latch and the lovely MW showed me how I need to do it.

Didn’t need any of the FF equipment after that and he was EBF and stuck at it for over a year.

I was willing to stop if required but knew that BFing was going to best if possible and am very grateful that I got the help I needed to persevere.

He’s a 6 foot lump now so don’t think the experience caused him any lasting damage. 😁

In the majority of situations it is actually clinically advised and wholly appropriate for mothers to continue breastfeeding even if there are issues which mean their child isn't gaining weight on track with centiles. Often the issues is with incorrect latch, tongue tied, parents still learning baby feeding cues, underlying issues which cause baby to exhaust quickly, reflux or GERD which can be resolved with medication... The list goes on. Supply issues can be resolved with power pumping, medication, many other things.

Breastfeeding works on supply and demand and often new mothers are anxious they are not producing sufficient milk and get scared by misinformed people like you. They introduce formula and their supply decreases. Combi feeding is very hard to sustain and kudos to mothers than manage it.

Your post is incorrect and misinformed and I am extremely disappointed to see so much false information and overly judgy posts on here, where tired and worried new mothers may see it. Please, if anyone is seeing this and believes they need to introduce formula to help their infant gain weight- know that this is not true. You can see support from the infant feeding midwives, the breastfeeding helpline, LLL amongst others.

Being a mother to a new baby is hard, but no mother intentionally puts their babies health at risk. Get a grip.

I kept giggling through your post at the centipedes, whilst simultaneously appreciating the sensible advice you were giving

I should add the provision that my above post applies where it is the mother's wish is to continue breastfeeding. Obviously there is no need to shame those who chose formula or feel formula is their only/best option, even if it wasn't their first choice. I'm making the point that its rare that breastfeeding strictly needs to cease for baby to gain weight.

Don't tell lies. Breast IS best, this is a simple fact. Fed is best is bollocks, fed is the minimum standard of care. If you want to FF, do, it's a perfectly acceptable choice,but there's no need to lie about it.

Had a friend who was starving her baby by continuing to bf because ‘breast is best’ when she was producing barely any milk.
I’m going back about twenty years but the midwife told her that they weren’t allowed to tell her to stop trying, but were very relieved when she did.

I already decided I wasn’t going to bf before I had DD- just as well as I didn’t get any milk for four days. No amount of ‘support’ or ‘encouragement’ would have helped.

A slightly judgemental question title. You could also ask “why do mothers insist in formula feeding even though their baby gets a tummy bug”.
Any way you might feed your baby can have ups and downs and the solutions can vary and might involve switching feeding methods or might not. Most mums are just trying very hard to do everything they can for their babies however they are feeding them.

That's absolutely normal. Your milk comes I between days 3-5 on average.

You could equally ask why so many formula mums persevere with it despite their babies being hugely constipated and uncomfortable.

I was amazed when women (usually readmitted from home jaundiced and dry) were given the choice of being admitted to a ward and cup / NJ tube fed formula as an emergency whilst remaining with their baby vs. admission to special care into an incubator with an iv drip and phototherapy ………chose to continue declining formula.