To ask why some mothers insist on breastfeeding despite weight loss?

[doodahdayy]

I follow a group on Facebook of babies born during the same month as ds2, and a few mums have had problems with babies dropping centiles along with hospital admissions, formula top ups etc. Despite all this they seem adamant they want to continue breastfeeding. I know bf is optimum when it works, but surely sometimes you need to admit it's just not working? Is it really that rewarding to the mum to keep trying through all the issues? In a few years will it even matter?

I am always surprised when people post to say there was lots of pressure to breast feed particularly if from health care professionals. I barely saw them except for the bare minimum post birth visits. I felt totally unsupported with my first, no healthcare professional seemed bothered at all, in fact the only suggestion I got was ‘you could always give a bottle’. It was only my own motivation (mainly for the cost and convenience) that got me through.

My DDs weight dropped and I was pressurised to top up. However all I really needed was proper advice on how to breast feed. Thankfully I worked it out myself despite the lack of support and after a month my baby was drinking enough breast milk.

Milk doesn’t come in immediately, that’s quite normal and natural, that’s why BF babies do lose weight initially.

This can be managed without immediately resorting to FF. That’s fine if what the mum wants, but support with cup feeding and encouragement that this is normal and will pass would make the world of difference to someone wishing to BF.

Objectively - breast milk is best. But if you can’t breast feed for whatever reason, formula is perfectly adequate. I say this as someone who really struggled and did have to use formula. But denying science and nature to make yourself feel better isn’t right either.

I didn’t get any milk for four days. No amount of ‘support’ or ‘encouragement’ would have helped.

That's how it works....you don't really feel/notice colostrum, my milk didn't come in until day 4 either. BF mine exclusively no issues, they didn't lose weight that week (although it would have been fine and normal if they did).

Everything you said was spot on!

Because it's the physiologically normal way to feed a baby? And most weight gain issues can be overcome without introducing formula, so I'm not sure why it's surprising to you that many women will want to persist if at all possible. Unfortunately often the support isn't there, and many will end up stopping breastfeeding prematurely against their real wishes.

But most women's milk doesn't come in for 4-5 days that's what colostrum is for! Didn't you get any info from your antenatal classes or midwife??

I remember going to bed on night 4 with my normal 32A flat chest and waking up in the morning looking like Dolly Parton! I knew it would happen, but it was still quite a shock to see two hugely inflated boobs sticking straight out of my chest

It depends on the area you live. In my part of London there's loads of bf support groups available. Not sure what it's like in smaller areas though

Because I hadn't bonded with my child and I felt like I needed to persevere. I topped up with formula so he didn't lose weight. Who knows why I felt like I had to continue. All the bloody pressure about bonding and instant connections and rushes of love that don't come in the first 24 hours for everyone.

Im stubborn so that's probably part of my reason, but I had formula pushed on us on day 2 because of how much DD lost. Eventually gave in on day 5 and topped up with formula. She didn't pick up fantastically. Long story short she has CMPA and only when I gave up dairy (and some other stuff shes allergic to) did she start shooting up centiles. So good job I didn't give up really or she would have been worse off on way more formula with dairy in before she was swapped to dairy free. Also breastfeeding has SO many more benefits than just nutrition, for mum and baby. So that's why I carried on

It’s actually really depressing that in the world we live in, with unlimited information at our fingertips, people dont know this?! 🫣

C section. No info from MW. There was nothing at all including colostrum, but I never intended to bf in any case so perhaps MW never bothered. It’s not something I was interested in.

Yes the inflated boobs kicked in and there’s no chance anyone was going near them- far too painful.

Agree. Can only assume ppl just think it’s natural and will be easy? Preparation is really important. Knowing what to expect, that it’s challenging, takes hard work and time and that it’s very normal for a newborn to feed constantly and that doesn’t mean you’re not producing enough milk.

Draining boobs when they’re full is precisely what brings relief. Ie feeding baby

C section. No info from MW. There was nothing at all including colostrum ? but I never intended to bf in any case.

You don't see colostrum, there's very little of it, it doesn't leak. You wouldn't know if you had it if not, very unlikely you have none.

When they inflated and got painful, that's when the milk came in, you feed baby colostrum until the milk comes in. A very special substance.

because i know factually breast is best so i chose to persevere

While I totally understand it's not possible for everyone, the benefits of breastfeeding are not marginal, they are huge. I persisted through the first difficult weeks and ultimately bf both kids for around 3 years age, so it was well worth the early persistence.

I struggled loads in the early days with DC1 - he only lost 4% of birthweight (up to 10% is normal) but gained really slowly and dropped centiles (though didn’t actually lose weight beyond the initial drop), and I had loads of pain. The (clueless) midwives just told me to give him a bottle if he was hurting me that much.

But I kept going because I believed it was the best thing for my baby. And my mum had breastfed me and was a big cheerleader - telling me that I could do it, which gave me confidence when at my lowest. I’m sure if she’d been suggesting formula I’d have gone for it.

Anyway we found out dc had tongue tie and when it was sorted feeding was a dream. I ebf and carried on until he was 13 months. After the hard start it was so easy, convenient, free, a lovely way to comfort him. I just loved it. Also bf DC2 for 18 months. So happy that I persevered.

I love that your autocorrect changed ‘autocorrect’ to ‘autocarrot’ when you were clarifying the previous autocorrect mistake! 🥕

Your previous post is so helpful, btw x

My son lost weight during the initial days of BFing. With help from my local hospital including an overnight stay, I was able to continue with confidence. Feeding your baby is the most beautiful, nurturing experience, whether from breast or bottle. The women who persevere through breastfeeding, sore nipples, pumping, problems with latching, babies weight loss are amazing! The women who preserve with finding the right formula, changing measurements to figure out the right amount, pace feeding, extra winding etc. are also amazing! We should support women with both because both can be extremely challenging and present different issues.

Maybe mum's who have already breastfed? I don't think I would have minded much if I couldn't breastfeed my first easily, but after experiencing that bond I think it would be weird to have to bottle feed so can see why some are hoping there's just a temporary issue and that it will start working.
Particularly if planning to feed for a more natural length of time, a couple of weeks of getting the hang of it early on isn't much.

FF would have been an absolute last resort for me. With my first she had a missed tt that I eventually worked out for myself after she dropped from 75th to 9th centile and paid to get snipped privately. I think the training into bf that hcp get isn't nearly enough and back then I hadn't heard of LLL etc.

With my second I knew I could do it and there was no way I wasn't doing it again!

It's such a shame there isn't proper bf resources/help in all areas. There seems to be so many free groups and drop ins where I am in London.

I could have been the mum Glitchy mentioned. Just over 20 years ago I was so pushed into believing that if I just tried hard enough I could bf. I can’t. I’ve tried with both my kids. Fuck how hard I tried with my first. For months. Weeks and weeks of stress and pressure and failing (with all the best advice in the world).
Fed is best. I couldn’t bf. Pics of my boy in the first weeks and months of his life prove that. Midwives and society need to stop pushing the lie that it’ll work if you just try a little bit harder.

When I have a body party that isn't working, my preference is to do everything I can to get it fixed and have it working properly again before I accept that it's just not going to work and I need an assistance device or to stop using that body part permanently. That applies to my breasts in the same way that it applies to my knees and my pelvic floor.

Formula is great, but it should be for parents who don't want to breastfeed, or who can't breastfeed, or to support those who have trouble breastfeeding while their problems are sorted out.

I really don't think it's ok that problems with feeding and lactation are seen as a lifestyle issue rather than a medical issue that is worth investigating, diagnosing and treating.