Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

unpronounceable jumble of vowels"

My name falls in this category 😆😆

Interesting that the pets boards are said to be supportive. From what I have seen on there I wouldn’t dare post if I was struggling with a puppy. So many people accused of not doing enough research and generally being selfish and unfair on the puppy for considering having one in their family. In fact I am nervous just writing this that I will get shot down on this thread for supporting people who aren’t expert dog trainers in taking on a puppy.

I think there are lots of supportive corners of Mumsnet but also lots of unnecessary pile ons which can come a bit out of the blue.

I'm fairly new to mumsnet. My first post had some comments that could be considered 'harsh', especially as it was a sensitive topic but I really appreciated the advice from all perspectives and so I wasn't upset.

For the record (as you can tell, I take things to heart!), I checked back and it wasn't you who lifted an actual full on tweet and phrased it as their own idea. So, all is well, I hope. I think us two have conversed very civilly on HE and other boards.

There's another one, mind, that can get wild! Heaven forfend anyone post and ask for info about studying, eg law at eg Lincoln. Or has a DC who wants to study the Arts. Or do A level Media.

Nasty gits come in all shapes, sizes and ages being argumentative isn't age restricted.

I don't post often but when I do I find its a mixed bag of;

Keyboard warriors
Those who genuinely want to help and give honest and balanced views
Those who shoehorn their opinions, opinions that are often influenced by their lived experiences and lifestyle choices
AI generated tripe

Its a matter of ignoring the nonsense and sifting through the genuine responses to figure out if any of that information is valid or not and that can sting if you're not built for it or threads go unnecessarily unkind.

There was a post at Christmas about Sophie Ellis-Bexter and I was genuinely sad that women were having a go at a hard working mum because they didn't like the way she danced. Men don't do this and women need to be better at championing and supporting women imo

I find the baseless accusations of 'transphobia' really, really yawn inducing and now frankly just boring. They are never backed up with you know, actual examples of transphobia. Just 'you called that man in a a dress a man in a dress!'.

Not wanting biological males in women's spaces and sports due to the biological advantages and the statistics of men being the more harmful SEX class, or being forced into believing what is fundamentally an ideology, isn't transphobic.

It's a man problem, not a trans problem.

Not giving housing or employment or serving someone in a shop = transphobia. You know, discriminating them based on the rights they already hold. Not giving them additional rights to things one isn't entitled to isn't transphobia.

Just because you are okay with it doesn't mean other women have to accept men into their spaces regardless of how they identify.

Sex based spaces exist for a reason. Reddit is a cesspit so by all means, cry about transphobia over there.

Calling transphobes bigots on this site is definetly not the pattern, unfortunately. Racism, homophobia sexism and of course the old favourite classism is also rife. You’re offended by an agenda that doesn’t exist.

@Peeeet What agenda am I meant to be offended by?

@Piggywaspushed fair enough! Thanks for clarifying. All good!

I do think it has changed. There have always been differences of opinion, and people who project their own issues onto the discussion. But it is also increasingly clear that there are people here who do not just have the intent to be part of a forum, but who are just here to rip into someone. Also seem to be a lot of right wing posts which all sound similar from posters who dont have a lot of history- seems the bots are also out.

Agreed, including the transphobia.

It's usually the first commenters who are the meanest.

Also if people listened to Mumsnet for relationship advice, the divorce rate would go up to 99%.

My issue with Mumsnet recently is it suddenly feels like Twitter.

All a bit goady and Botty.

I have mostly lurked and been a member for a good while .

Yes I agree you don't see the genuinely funny threads much any more .

Sadly I do think a lot of people are really cruel and spiteful in their posting and attack the Op .They also don't bother to read any updates and others have said pile on when it is a popular thread .

I do my best to be kind and supportive . I appreciate that the poster could be a troll , but unless I was genuinely convinced of that, I wouldn't report .

I take the view that there might be lots of others genuinely in that situation , who are reading as well .

I think if you post on a public forum , you have to accept that you will get a lot of different views and not all will agree with you especially if you are specifically asking an opinion on a particular topic .

But I think it is how nasty and judgemental that some people can be that is the biggest worry . They do especially in the relationship boards love to post about how perfect their relationship is and the OP is a loser and responsible for her own situation because she didn't do what they did / didn't do .

There are also others who love to take over threads with their own agenda and have forgotten that there is someone posting who may need support .

I think people should start off trying to be kind at all times . If they can't , don't post . That doesn't mean they need to agree with the OP .

I do think it can be awful for those who are going through a difficult time in their life and may not have real life support . They can be desperate and vulnerable and very sensitive to further criticism of them . But those more nasty posters don't think of that and want to make a point / criticise just to get a kick out of it . Quite often the Op will then leave the thread , and have no support at all .

Not sure what the answer is and I do think there are loads of lovely , kind and supportive people on here .

That's such a good point about the humour. I wonder if that's a reflection of the times. Comedy is very censored at the moment and generally a bit rubbish for fear of offending and it's affecting what we say in public.

I genuinely remember pissing myself with laughter on here years ago, tears rolling down my cheeks. That hasn't happened for a long, long time.

Yeah its been bad on here and getting worse, I really think there must be a lot of people who just lurk on here 24/7 looking for an opportunity to be nasty and cruel to anyone and everyone. Its actually rather sad, they must be very unhappy people with deeply miserable and empty lives.

I think all of social media on the internet has become very, very toxic. So much for a kinder world after Covid, it's horrific sometimes.

Same. I suggested a few family names which I think are nice. The level of vitriol was awful.

It's the same when people post on a "RIP xxxx' thread, you'll always get those who say they have no clue who they are then go on some rant about how a pop star is getting all this attention when there's wars going on. If you really have no clue why post on a thread about them just to wind people up.

I don’t why that would be a bad thing.

I am gobsmacked by the shit women on here put up with.

"It's usually the first commenters who are the meanest."

This is true, IMO.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
There are some where LTB is absolutely the right answer, but a huge number where there is nuance. No one appears to like nuance though. There is a default assumption that every man is a cheat, and that any whinge about a minor irritation or a blip for a couple of weeks is symptomatic of a failed relationship. Or posters who expect an OP to post about a problem at lunchtime and are berating her by early evening if she hasn't made a life changing decision.

Unfortunately that seems to be the way with (un)social media. I tell myself that other young women and girls (l'm 20 and several of my friends and acquaintances are teens) wouldn't be so nasty as to reply to posts as many people do on here.
Which leads me to believe that particularly nasty (and sexist) men or boys are infiltrating the boards. I know for sure that happens at another social media site.

BUT we all know that women CAN be as nasty, so I'm guess I'm deluding myself.

(Will this be taken down?)

There is always someone to give you a proper, good old ear bashing (in writing).
It's OK.
They probably have some trouble with themselves.

I find the MN quote 'first answer nails it' to be pretty accurate