Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

Why would it be?

The worst thing I find about MN is people who don't understand/believe that someone's life experience may be different to theirs.

I've been called ignorant and that I mispronounce words just because I have a regional accent.

I haven't been on Mumsnet long so can't say whether things have got worse, but I do notice a few trends. On childcare people get quite polarised and see everything through the lens of their own children and their own parenting philosophy. People get defensively dismissive and aggressive at those who take a different view. I always tend to think the answer lies somewhere in the middle so I find the bun fighting unhelpful. I also notice that some threads can just take off and develop a crazy life of their own - usually when it's a LTB thread. I once posted on one of these where the op had misunderstood a crucial detail. I tried to point this out to tell op not to jump to a conclusion too quickly, But the thread was going down the road that he was financially abusing her and she should LTB and she did, live in the thread. I got absolutely mauled and was told by one poster to 'pull your pants up your misogyny is showing'. I have no idea what this means but anyone who knows me in real life would laugh at the suggestion that I am misogynistic as I am quite an outspoken feminist. There is quite a lot of projection and a need for easy, certain answers. Complexity is usually lacking and human weakness roundly derided. Sometimes it seems that everyone is very certain and clear about other people's lives and it makes me wonder what their own lives and relationships are like. Sometimes it's helpful that people can see others' mistakes more easily than their own but there is a very toxic side to this when the person is being unsympathetic as if they live perfect lives.

MN has always been snotty about regional accents and dialect.

I notice people also go on an attack or get upset if the poster does not take their advice. When infact the advice is not suitable due to other factors such as what's available in their area . Or waiting lists criteria ect.

I have also noticed some posters will blow things out of proportion I guess that's a form derailing or causing upset to the OP also posters will hunt down the ops history and come back with a half truth . Well 3 months ago you said bla bla

I don't know why some posters do that

If this isn’t an example of what is wrong with MN, then I don’t know what is. Absolute word soup.

I think there are quite a few angry keyboard warriors on here. I would never post about anything personal because people are so mean.

My own name is not well-loved on here (to say the least 🤣). Some extremely mean comments, but I still like it!

You're right though.

Totally. There seem to be more about complete and utter non issues and when people say so it’s ’that Is so mean’.

I’ve also noticed an increase in hyperbole and extreme language to make a point ‘my kids know what wasn’t chosen for the lead in the nativity in reception class. I am devastated and heartbroken”.

I come away thinking a lot of people have very small
problems Al that are pretty easy to self fix.

However I also see some amazingly lovely posts about women who have been abused for example and others are hugely supportive and helpful.

Maybe there is a correlation on the meanness to the type of post?

No one appears to like nuance though.

this

Nasty gits come in all shapes, sizes and ages being argumentative isn't age restricted.

I never said otherwise but it helps if you read the context of my replies...

I told my friend to post here for advice when she was going through something terrible. Her daughter’s dad had gone to prison for an awful awful crime. His mother asked for contact with her grandchild. My friend didn’t know what to do, nor did I, so I said ‘someone on mumsnet will be able to help’. So she posted, was abused, called a troll and her post taken down.

Out of pure nosiness… what was your advice to your friend?

Your post is a bigger problem than PP's.

^^ This...
I can't remember when I "joined", must be well over 12years plus..

Posters thinking they're 'edgy' by being downright nasty mostly.

But you see, I believe in Karma 😉

Oh, here we go…
I’m not going to get into on an online argument with you,

I read some of the abuse threads with tears in my eyes. I know from experience that it isn't easy to leave so I try and be helpful.

But no matter how hard it is for me, I always think if my experience can help someone even to know they aren't alone and there is life after they leave, then it's worth posting no matter how hard it is for me to go over it again. I've had a lovely PM from another poster in the past who also went through it.

I'm afraid the "please comment on my house listing" ones always go badly as you're basically giving people licence to slag your house off under the guise of giving you helpful advice.

OP- "why does no one want to come and view my house?"

200 MNers- "Could you maybe move all your ugly furniture out and buy new? The kitchen is too small and your bedroom makes me want to throw up. Have you tried having less horrible stuff? Alternatively maybe knock down and rebuild??"

(Correct answer- it's always the price.)

I agree entirely, also been here 20 years on and off.

I've hidden a couple of threads today, I am really not interested in competitive drama, 'my situation is worse than yours, how dare you suggest X Y and Z'. Money too - always a problem when someone asks 'how much do you spend on your hedgehog, baby, teenager, daughter, insert word.

I don't tend to spill my guts on here, you have no idea of what most people have actually been through.

It was quite supportive ten years ago, I even met a small group of people from mnet and two of them became people I would meet up with with DCs when I lived where I did at the time.

It's vile. However it has helped me to let things go.

You said her post (which I enjoyed actually) was an example of what's wrong with the site and word soup. You can't (and I'm sure didn't) expect to be that mean and critical without being called on it. No moral high ground for you on this one.

I didn't think it was "word soup". I thought it was a fair description.

The ‘liberal echo chamber’ and ‘TDS’, clearly

As long as I’ve been on mn there have been periodic posts about how it’s changed/how it’s got worse.

for me it does feel a bit meaner lately.
it also feels like there’s a flood of me (34F) and partner (32M) Reddit style posts, AI generated posts and more Americanised ones.

Oh you’re so right with this

I naively posted my house as I thought I’d get great advice. I really regret doing it. The abuse my house got along with the most bizarre reasons, one told me that it was my sons football scarf that was stopping the sale, it was like people wanted to find fault in tiny things instead of actually looking at the house as a whole. Scruffy and council like were two words used but also clinical and cold.

I did get some lovely advice and really useful but it’s such a shame that it became overshadowed by people being really rude. I just wish there was a way of filtering it out so the good advice didn’t get lost by the people coming across like playground bullies.

Its the same on the relationship threads, so many DTB but truthfully we are only getting the one side of the story so surely it’s better to try to help the poster in discovering what they want to do or just let them have a rant instead of just DTB.