What is the most miserable biscuit in existence?

[noblegiraffe]

DH and I are not eating sweet stuff for January and today he commented that he was so fed up with it he would even want to eat a really crap biscuit, so we were debating what that would be.

He reckoned the worst biscuit would be a Nice biscuit, but I think I would much rather eat one of those than a Garibaldi.

Is there a biscuit even more disappointing, that you would be less likely to accept an offer of than a Garibaldi biscuit?

I have a bunch of questions about this:

1. Balled? There's more than one image that springs to mind.
2. What does melting one in a microwave prove? Surely the scientific method would require at least melting one of each?
3. Photo of results or it didn't happen. (Can biscuits melt in a domestic microwave?)
4. What would be illegitimate?

Must go off and take my medication...

All this talk of Lincoln biscuits makes me want to try them as I don't think I ever have, and apparently they've been discontinued in the UK but are still available in Ireland from Jacobs? And they have to be bought online as UK supermarkets can't sell Jacobs products? What the hell.

Custard creams 🤢

Love a Gariboldi personally...we used to call them 'dead fly biscuits' when we were kids 😆

Anyone got a good word for this lot?

https://batholiver.com/

Yes, why do they still make Marie, Nice, Lincoln and Garibaldi, given that they are either incredibly dull or universally hated? The only time any of those ever find their way into my house is if they come in as part of a biscuit selection box and they are the ones always left in crumbs at the bottom of the tin that no-one eats unless they are desperate. No-one actually buys whole packets of any of those, do they?

I mean I suppose somebody must, but who?

No. The Bath Oliver is the love child of the oat cake and the Cornish wafer. Both awful.

Rich tea one dunk and the biscuit is f*ed and a bourbon, makes me dry gag.

So many dull biscuits only exist to be bought by professional caterers and old people's homes and things.

Bourbon creams, nice, awful dry jammy dodgers ( jam creams are tasty though), garibaldi are all yuk. I had never heard of a lincoln biscuit - I am very curious to taste one now!

Jaffa cakes 🤢
Wafers 🤢
Jammie dodgers 🤢
Fig rolls 🤢
Wagon wheels 🤢
Rich tea 🤢
Ginger nut 🤢
Shortcake fruit 🤢
Hobnobs plain 🤢
Party rings 🤢

Chocolate digestives 🩷
Custard creams 🩷
Viennese melts 🩷
Cookies 🩷
BN 🩷
Shortcake 🩷
Shorties 🩷
Coconut rings 🩷
Chocolate hobnobs 🩷
Chocolate malted milks 🩷
Short bread biscuit 🩷

Oreo biscuits I don't get.... my kids love them but I've never been WOW'ed by them.

What is a BN biscuit?

Google it, as a kid I will always remember the tune on the advert! 🤣

Fair enough. I was sent the Bath Oliver link by a distraught friend. Haven't eaten one for years.

Although, given your user name, has anyone mentioned Twiglets yet? Not sure if they're biscuits, and I like them, but I know peeps who don't...

Jammy dodgers

Garibaldis always remind me of Reginald Perrin: Garibaldi - he made the biscuits run on time.

While I'm here, and I don't even like biscuits or chocolate, but was transfixed by this article:

https://www.theguardian.com/thefilter/2025/jan/18/best-chocolate-biscuits

Rich Tea are perfect with a blob of clotted cream on them. Otherwise dull. As a Devonshire child this was what we had with morning coffee. Or possibly on a Marie biscuit.

Can't stand Fig Rolls.

Tim tams

I have an Australian relative who invariably brings these over as gifts for all relatives.

They are like a much cheaper penguin. They taste of vegetable oil, dust and regret.

I'm thrilled they are now available in the UK as i can tell her "no need to bring tim tams!" On her next visit.

I HATE bourbon biscuits. Yuk.

Joining the party late here and swooping in with another controversial one - jammy dodgers.

Fucking grim.

I also don't like bourbons , Viennese whirls or custard creams. Rich tea are pointless.

Where do we stand on rusks?

Quite the staple where I live. But they have to be dunked imo otherwise you shall have no teeth.

We even get peanut butter flavour now. Along with buttermilk (the original), museli and even condensed milk. Even in different types of cuts. Rusks are a serious business.

There seems to be a rule that they are had first thing with your coffee. And mutliple in winter.

These are not the baby rusks. They are proper solid rectangular shapes, designed for dunking.

This is the good old chunky. There is a more polite sliced version as well.

Sadly yes. A quick Google just showed there are a few brands and I now feel a bit nauseous. Who the hell buys those abominations.

Wafers just end up everywhere apart from your mouth ! Most biscuits taste different these days I think , not as sweet

I just looked those up, the wiki page indicates an interesting origin!
They look like sort of blander nutless biscotti. So, true biscuits, being twice baked? Most U.K. 'biscuits' are really only uni-cuits.