school not taking dds period pains seriously

[canigetarepp]

my DD has very very heavy and painful periods. she is 14 now and her periods have always been like this since she started aged 11. she takes iron tablets because otherwise she becomes anaemic. she is prescribed the same medication that I used to take before my hysterectomy, for adenomyosis. GP tries to encourage her to go on the pill, but she doesn't want to.
she has also had burst ovarian cysts, for which she was hospitalised in the past.
yesterday she went to 3 different teachers at school because of her period requesting to come home. they refused to call me. one of them even mocked her and asked how she was going to cope in the real world if she can't cope with period pains, teachers can't go home when they get their periods etc etc

I'm really cross. I need to be able to trust that they will look after her. what am I supposed to do, just keep her home when she has her period so I know this won't happen again, that seems extreme. I know this was in the press recently so it's obviously fairly common. how do you/your dds deal with school, regarding periods?

It’s time to go in and say everything you’ve just said. They need educating. Women’s health is so ignored, meaning a lot of people assume their own female experience of eg periods is the universal experience.

And your DD really needs to reconsider the pill. I bombed at a university interview as it was the wrong day of the month - just couldn’t think through the pain.

You need to arrange a meeting with her head of year to discuss properly what is going to be put in place to help. Can decent painkillers be stored in school for her if needed? Can she have somewhere quiet to have time? And of course home if needed.

i do think you need to encourage her to trial the pill and see if it helps. Maybe agree a three month trial and if it doesn’t help go back and see what else is offered.

She could try the mini pill, which is safer. It stopped my periods and has hugely improved my life.

First going on the pill did nothing for one of my sisters or me no help whatsoever and ended up gaining weight rapidly and both of us after 6 months stopped it and went back to normal. As for the pain it seems we have to suffer, I used to actually faint in school and it was always laughed off like I was messing around, probably didn't help small school and head and over half teachers were male. Anyhow I became so miserable dreading each month my parents decided to keep me off and on recent years they tried to fine my parents with another of my younger sister's but failed when a drs letter was obtained stating they can't fine because they would be discriminating a serious health problem. I wish there was a cure because even after 4 kids of my own I dread periods I'm lucky if I get 2 a year I can manage on codeine the other times codeine,hot water bottles and still agony. I hope something can help your daughter

I would contact the school and explain the condition your DD has, so staff can be informed. Can she take pain relief? It's not perfect that she was not taken seriously, but I guarantee that there will be loads of students who'd try this on as an excuse to not be in school or a lesson.

They were probably trying to build resilience, albeit in a clumsy and unsympathetic way.

My dd 19 is having a laparoscopy for endometriosis next month. She has suffered for years extreme pain. Losing a week a month to it

She went on the pill six months ago and tho not cured it's much more manageable now. Till she gets the surgery she isn't calling in sick or missing out on social things

I'd def give it a try.

It’s obvious when the pains are bad. The teacher who mocked your daughter needs to apologise. I’d say to go to the school for a meeting with the head teacher. Can your doctor write a note explaining the actions that need to be taken when your daughter is in pain eg parents called, a place for your daughter to stay, pain medications carried by your daughter and taken at a noted time.

Talk to them about medical misogyny. A boy would not be made to suffer in the same way. I’d be wanting further action to be taken against the teacher who mocked her. That’s disgusting!

It is a medical condition - get in touch with the school and ask for a health care plan to be put in place. This formalises her difficulties as medical, not "just" period pains.

Address each of the symptoms - is it only pain, or are there other issues such as fainting / flooding? Does she need a toilet pass / excusing from PE / additional pain relief at school? All of these can be added into a care plan if needed.

You need to be clear to school that this is medical condition and should be treated as such, not dismissed. Have a look at assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf for further information on what schools.should.be doing....

I feel your pain. My daughter was regularly mocked by teaching staff for her asthma. Put in danger more than once.

Go and speak to the Head, and if that doesn't change things, the Governors.

That would make me livid, the comment about coping in the real world. It shows ignorance and a total lack of empathy to a 14-year old child. Not everyone suffers the same pain (clearly) and the extreme problems that some women have to suffer - in silence - has been in the news recently.

Have you discussed the problem with the school? They need to understand this is above and beyond normal period pain and your daughter’s history of cysts etc. The poor thing… I hope she can get some relief.

My teen daughter gets terrible pain too and has fainted with it on occasion. She’s been prescribed Mefenamic acid, which offers some relief.

I really feel for your dd op

It’s so incredibly depressing though to learn that teen girls are still having to put up with the same mocking ignorant and dismissive attitude that I encountered at school 45 years ago, in what are meant to be far more enlightened times.

It’s outrageous really. And although men are pretty clueless, ime it’s women who didn’t suffer themselves who were the worst, They simply couldn’t grasp how another woman’s experience could possibly be different to their own! Whether they were stupid, cruel or lacking in imagination, I don’t know.

No one understand the excruciating pain, the fatigue, the fainting, nausea and vomiting, the bowel issues, the sweats. The fear of flooding, It was hellish.

My periods were so bad that when I came to give birth, it felt fairly easy in comparison!

I think you need to get a letter from the doctor op outlining your dd’s symptoms and then take it to a meeting with her HOY. And I agree about the mini pill. If your dd is missing a lot of school, or will potentially miss a lot, it could improve things for her considerably,

How much information have you given the school about your daughter's medical history with this pain and how much has been shared with teachers?

I would have a meeting with the head of year, explain the situation so they can put a note on your daughter's file with the instruction that you should be contacted if your daughter is saying she is in excruciating pain.

With respect, teachers are used to students trying to 'bunk off' school so have been told to be strict. Obviously your DD has a real issue here, but the teachers will not have known that.

My DD (14) has an implant. It has made her periods longer and irregular but pain free.

Her school were great and understood that one day a month she needed extra care - the pharmacy also suggested painkillers with caffeine as this helps with blood flow to cramping muscles.

I hope you find a solution soon, it is awful that horrendous pain in women is dismissed so easily.

It's not always misogyny - as a pp said, it can be women who don't suffer themselves, or suffer only mild, manageable pain, who are the worst for dismissing severe period pain.

Men fall into several camps - the dismissive 'it can't be that bad' type; the 'it's women's problems so I'll just take what you say as read because I'm too embarrassed to discuss it' type; and those who genuinely do understand, often because their mum, sister or partner has suffered severe pain so they've seen the devastating effects not just at work/school where there might be accusations of malingering, but completely destroying leisure and social time too.

@Mulchadoaboutnothing12 and @handmademitlove are spot on with their advice.

I had the same issues with heavy bleeding lasting 11 days, pain that made me vomit and I passed out a few times. Painkillers did nothing as I’d vomit them up half dissolved. The pill was an absolute lifeline (I had no issues or weight with it at all but I know others have had. I gained a tone of weight on the depo injection). Mild cramping and about 4 days of light bleeding in the break week and I could ‘timetable’ my period if I wanted by not taking the break (you actually don’t need to take the 7 days break). Holidays etc were much easier. The mini pill gives you no period at all and has less hormones if she’d prefer that. Why is she reluctant to try it?

...asked how she was going to cope in the real world if she can't cope with period pains, teachers can't go home when they get their periods etc etc

Those are factual points. Not mocking. Factual observation and question.

What is the long term plan, can she move away from being disabled by her health? Presuming she can never plan to get better, is there a way for her to lean to manage her symptoms better so that she doesn't have to miss school and presumably other commitments and fun things such as jobs, social occasions, trips, travel, etc.

I took DD to the doctor about her period pain and she was prescribed mefenamic acid as an alternative to going on the pill.

This is disgusting.
Do they have a school nurse?
I would ask the GP to write a letter, sebd it to school and request a meeting with her form teacher/ teachers/ head of school. I would complaint about this and demand I am called when my child is unwell.
The minimum I would expect from them is to call you to check with you, offer painkillers if allowed, or for your DD to be allowed to have her own.
The idea is to manage her condition to keep her in education. They need to adapt. I think your DD needs to try the pill, there are several of them, including implants. Maybe further meducal checks.
I hope she feels better soon.

And to add that this feels like a regression to me. Alongside the refusal of allowing teens to go to the toilet in schools. In my times, ages ago, we beared our pain, but if it hot too much, and of course it did, we would speak to the teacher. They would send us home, allow rest time. And they many of them were male facing this. They took it seriously. They allowed us to go to the toilet. Why has this changed, I do not get it. It has gone backwards, all the way to the stone ages.

You need a meeting with the head of year and whichever teacher it was who wouldn't let her out. Be non confrontational but give the facts and make a plan for what to do each month. Some schools give kids with anxiety a card saying they can leave the classroom which they can show to teachers - something similar might work if it's a big school, so she can always go to the loo or to reception to get painkillers.
And they need to understand that sometimes she'll be ill enough that she'll need to go home. In that case there should be a plan for catch up work.
At least one of them should have experience of kids with chronic illness and what to do in these situations.

I highly recommend you look into the effects of long term hormonal birth control and do not go down that route.

If she was my daughter I'd tell her to call me herself if the school refuse.