school not taking dds period pains seriously

[canigetarepp]

my DD has very very heavy and painful periods. she is 14 now and her periods have always been like this since she started aged 11. she takes iron tablets because otherwise she becomes anaemic. she is prescribed the same medication that I used to take before my hysterectomy, for adenomyosis. GP tries to encourage her to go on the pill, but she doesn't want to.
she has also had burst ovarian cysts, for which she was hospitalised in the past.
yesterday she went to 3 different teachers at school because of her period requesting to come home. they refused to call me. one of them even mocked her and asked how she was going to cope in the real world if she can't cope with period pains, teachers can't go home when they get their periods etc etc

I'm really cross. I need to be able to trust that they will look after her. what am I supposed to do, just keep her home when she has her period so I know this won't happen again, that seems extreme. I know this was in the press recently so it's obviously fairly common. how do you/your dds deal with school, regarding periods?

As for "managing symptoms" - as DD said "Once I stop vomitting and fainting and manage to get up off the bathroom floor I am sure that a bit of mindful colouring in followed by going for a run will sort me right out"

Cause a huge fuss about it so they have to treat her well. My niece broke her ankle at school and they treated her like she was being a naughty kid who was faking it and didn't get her help. It is NOT acceptable.

Has she tried ponstan? It was a game changer for me, I used to actually faint from the pain before getting it.

Women can be guilty of misogyny, too!

Don’t these teaching staff ever read the newspapers? I’m thinking in particular of many recent pieces highlighting how common endometriosis is and how under / late diagnosed. Of course your daughter may not have it, but anecdotally so many women who do, have excruciating pain. I’ve seen lips turn blue and girls vomiting with it. My oldest friend used to be curled up in a ball with period pain.

You will need to write formally and explain she has a medical condition/ disability need and tell them (not ask) how it’s to be dealt with. Any backup documentation from a sympathetic GP ( and some of them are equally ignorant/ uncaring about female pain (a question to them about whether they’ve read any of the studies showing doctors routinely underplay female as opposed to male pain can be helpful)) will help.

I guess in a place like Samoa, 25% of the staff could have T2 Diabetes & in a place like NZ something like 12% of adults have asthma so those teaching staff would have insight. The ideal situation is to have good strategies to manage health conditions, it is not mocking sufferers to aim for minimal life disruption. If 480k days of school are lost in NZ due to childhood asthma, for 1/7 NZ children with asthma, 860k school kids total so 123k school kids with asthma, that works out as 4 school days lost each one per year due to asthma. I wondered if OPs kid will only lose 4 days of school per year due to her health condition. Hopefully.

yes I appreciate this, but I can't force her to take medication that she doesn't want to. she has some SENs and it isn't always that easy to get her to do stuff that you would think would be obvious. but I'm not very keen on artificial hormones anyway, having had bad experience with the pill myself

Honestly please do not force her to go on the pill. I'll be called a conspiracy theorist or something so I invite you to do your own research but the effects of starting the pill young and staying on it for years can be really damaging.

yes, she takes mefenamic acid which is the same thing

yep, I agree. I am in my 50s and it was really common when we were teenagers to go on the pill. ALL my friends had to come off it at various points, due to the mental health effects. there is a lot written about it. but still the GP (young) denied that there was any risk with it

More damaging than the crippling effects of regularly tapping out of life because of debilitating period pain, and regular rupturing ovarian cysts? I had to start the pill at 13 and I’m SO glad my parents were supportive of it. I’d have literally missed a tonne of my life, and spent much of it in agony. I’m still on the pill 30 years later. Sure, maybe the side effects will come back to bite me later, but at least I’ve had nearly 30 good years!

I can’t imagine any pill being worse than what your daughter is currently suffering. But, you can’t force her. If she would prefer to go through it every month and then have regularly rupturing cysts, there isn’t much you can do other than treat the symptoms.

There are really two issues, aren't there. One is the pain, and she seems to need something stronger for that, so back to the GP I suppose.

And the other is the teachers' attitude which is appalling and needs addressing, this isn't her fault. Is it possible to speak to the SLT at all? She can't be the only one. Poor kid.

the GP said that she suspects endo, but they wouldn't investigate at her age because it is too intrusive

I was once in a meeting after my (former) school brought in a no toileting during lessons rule unless you had a medical pass. Male technology teacher asks the female SENCO

"If a girl tells me she's on her period and can't wait till break I feel uncomfortable saying 'No' obviously I have no direct experience myself so can the girls wait, is it as urgent as they say it is?"

SENCO: The girls are fine and will need to learn to manage their periods, they are just making a fuss.

A school that had 20 toilets available to 400 female students only open during lunch and break, most that did not have locks, toilet seats or loo roll. There were many, many issues with the school and I ended up leaving but I couldn't believe that response.

I would ask for gynae anyway, they will start with ultrasound and MRI

The only reason I say that and it's worth speaking to the GP is that gynae wait lists are horrendous - she would likely be 16+ by the time any actual work was done as such

I have deep infiltrating stage 4 endo and adenomyosis and have been 14 months so far into this and still waiting for urgent surgery

If she's in this much pain, then intrusive may well not be worse than that. And as @fivebyfivebuffy says, they'd start with things that aren't intrusive, scans.

Time to get pushy with the GP.

If the alternative is pain, vomiting, bleeding through clothes and missing several days of school a month then it may be worth any potential downsides.
Going on the pill at 15 saved my sanity and I came off it aged 50 (gaps for babies ).
All medications should be carefully considered and the risks and benefits looked at.

This!

No you cannot force her but a big part of growing up is taking responsibility for your own body and health. Nobody wants to be on the pill. But it is prescribed for a reason, and burst cysts and crippling pain are two of those reasons. Being stubborn won’t make the problem go away and school/employers can’t just make allowances if she refuses to engage with medical advice.

It’s not intrusive if it’s impacting her life this much - and it would help enormously to have a diagnosis. Do you have funds for a private paediatric gynaegologist?

Her body her choice. She’s not refunding to engage with medical advice. She listened, considered the options and made a decision.

It's not always misogyny - as a pp said, it can be women who don't suffer themselves, or suffer only mild, manageable pain, who are the worst for dismissing severe period pain.

women can be misogynists too, we see it on here all the time.

Agree with pp: go in to the school.

Of course it is. She can’t be forced. But then she has to accept the consequences of getting through school in agony.

I agree. I once read a study which showed a good comparison between bad period pains and labour pains.

My periods were terrible as a teen, cramping, upset stomach and throwing up if the pain was particularly bad. I’d miss school and later work. So I went on the pill and it was amazing.

I am so sorry your daughter and you are subject to this lack of empathy. I know it is hard but keep pushing the school to as another poster said manager her chronic pain condition. For your daughter, she might be interested in learning more about the physiology and I found Jen Gunter very englightening https://drjengunter.com/ She suggests using ibuprofen as it not only lessons blood flow but prevents cramps - was a revelation to me as someone who had regularly fainted and vomited due to the pain. I am not sure if anyone can recommend another book specifically for younger girls? If not there is defin a gap in the market. We shouldn't just sit back and accept pain just because it is gynaecological. Is there anyway you can have a consultation with a private doctor if the NHS is not helpful?

Don't you think there are mental health affects from what she's going through right now? And how will she catch up on school subjects when exams are coming if she regularly misses lessons? I would understand stopping taking it if she tries and it doesn't work, but it's such a standard solution for what she's going through right now I can't understand your attitude at all.