school not taking dds period pains seriously

[canigetarepp]

my DD has very very heavy and painful periods. she is 14 now and her periods have always been like this since she started aged 11. she takes iron tablets because otherwise she becomes anaemic. she is prescribed the same medication that I used to take before my hysterectomy, for adenomyosis. GP tries to encourage her to go on the pill, but she doesn't want to.
she has also had burst ovarian cysts, for which she was hospitalised in the past.
yesterday she went to 3 different teachers at school because of her period requesting to come home. they refused to call me. one of them even mocked her and asked how she was going to cope in the real world if she can't cope with period pains, teachers can't go home when they get their periods etc etc

I'm really cross. I need to be able to trust that they will look after her. what am I supposed to do, just keep her home when she has her period so I know this won't happen again, that seems extreme. I know this was in the press recently so it's obviously fairly common. how do you/your dds deal with school, regarding periods?

Those would have likely been 1st generation pills with much higher doses than now.Please don’t discount help for her because of your experience from
decades ago. I’m younger and I don’t know anyone who had to come off the pill because of that. But going on it did give me pain free periods and I could also skip
them. There is also the mini pill which is likely to get rid of periods entirely.

If she doesn’t want to take anything then she will just have to get on with the pain. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Every time we take a medicine we have to face the fact that there will be good and bad effects - it is about balancing the pros and cons. If your DD is struggling so badly then the minipill might be appropriate - she should certainly be taking the doctor's advice.

There will be girls who try it on at school to avoid lessons, but if you go in and make the medical issues clear then the school will have no excuse to treat it as a con.

I wish someone would cancel that bloody word "resilience" - it has become a catchall word and an excuse for avoiding normal human empathy.

I have tried to persuade her to try it, despite my experience

I am very clear with school that she has no resilience.

she has SEN and MH issues, so this is an ongoing 'discussion'!!...I know resilience is important but let's try keeping her in school first huh 😬

There are other treatment options and no guarantee that she won’t have debilitating side effects from the proposed medication.

I would see about trying the progestogen only pill (such as cerazette)
It doesn't contain estrogen which can cause side effects for some women, and can at times fully stop periods.
I've used it on and off for about 15 years and whilst it doesn't fully solve issues it reduces pain and bleeding significantly and also almost stops the mood changes I get off the pill (very low mood and easily frustrated leading up to period when off the pill).

Is it worth her writing a pros and cons list of a) carrying on as is with pain and b) taking the pill, so she can see the arguments written out in black and white? While reassuring her that of the pill doesn't work she can stop any time, it's not a life long, life changing commitment? Sometimes writing things down can clarify stuff.

Heartbreaking.

Go into the school, email further up the chain. Say she will not be in when she has bad periods.

Teachers' behaviour is totally disgusting. I wouldn't tolerate that for my own daughter as well. Can your Daughter take an ibuprofen just before going to school? and she can rest when she is back home. It might help her managing pain while you sorg it out with pills and GP.

It's mental
I am so resilient but sorry when you feel like you would rather remove your own ovary and pass out than face any more relentless contractions (because that's what they're like) despite vast amounts of morphine I feel like asking the "resilient" people if I can pass the pain over for a bit because it's been 4hrs and I'm TIRED of it

Agree with this poster and had the same hellish experience. It's so sad that this is still a problem for teenage girls today.

I suffered hugely the same as this poster describes and vividly remember 25yrs ago putting my hand up in a secondary science lesson to tell the teacher I was feeling unwell (I recognised the feeling and knew how quickly things changed for me!) and wasn't allowed to leave or even go to the bathroom. I remember my friend sat next to me saying you don't look so well (I'd gone all white and pale suddenly) and they also stuck their hand up to tell the teacher for me and then they ended up shouting out for help just as I fainted, fell off my stool and subsequently hit my head. 😢

Definitely encourage you to get a letter from DDs doctor and take it along to meet the school HOY. Is there a pastoral team at the school? Ask if they can provide support by means of a card or lanyard which gives your DD permission on medical grounds to look go to the toilet or medical room/office if needed.

Don't you think she is picking up on your attitude to the pill?
She could avoid school when she's in pain, or have an arrangement to come home when it happens that is enforced. But both of those still mean her education suffering and it being harder for her when she returns after each absence.
So finding a medical solution seems a better way forward.

I am actually in my 50's and I don't know anyone who had to stop taking the pill for MH reasons.
I am not saying it doesn't happen but as suggested my and my DD's mental health WAS being negatively impacted by pain and nausea every month and going on the pill made things so much better

I wasn’t bursting into glorious song about my then 12/13 year old daughter taking the pill to control her symptoms (or attempt to) as I was worried about side effects from that, but there seemed to be little alternative and the agony, vomiting and the shocking amount of blood loss takes its toll so she was willing to try anything to just lessen the symptoms.

For full disclosure, my daughter is also on antidepressants for anxiety and depression, maybe that’s linked to the pill, maybe it isn’t. I definitely think the endometriosis hasn’t helped and both depression and anxiety would probably be even worse if she was still spending days in bed unable to eat or shower, go to school or see her friends. It’s not a fun choice and it’s up to your daughter but I fully supported my daughter’s decision and I would have chosen the same thing.

OP, I'd completely ignore all of the (mostly well-meaning) advice about what medication she should be on - that is between DD and her doctors so all you can do is advise. That is also completely separate to the school's unacceptable response. Her consultant is happy to write her a note for school so I'd get that done and arrange a meeting with school. They must not refuse to call you when she is in pain.

Teachers aren't doctors. We are also not mind readers and should not try to guess if a child is trying it on. That is up to parents to investigate. If parents are happy to support their children in missing school then it is the parents' fault if/when a child underperforms. The only way to stop teachers and schools overstepping is to put the responsibility for attendance squarely on to the family, with schools only responsible for offering (not forcing) support when parents are struggling.

Please look into possible endometriosis investigation - although currently the only diagnostic and treatment is laparoscopic surgery, it is extremely common and under diagnosed.

I was 37 before I was finally treated for moderate endo - after years of periods so painful I couldn’t stand up or function at all. It can also play havoc with your reproductive ability so I would recommend you and her considering this as a possible cause. My heart goes out to her though, absolutely shocking that her teachers don’t understand that severe period pain is debilitating.

So sorry to read this. My DD also has very painful and heavy periods occasionally resulting in vomiting and/or fainting. Her school were good about it- she was allowed a toilet pass so she could quickly go and sort out her sanitary protection when needed. She took some prescription painkillers in which were stored in the school office and she was allowed to access these when needed. They let her come home for a shower when she had leaked through her underwear into her tights (she could have stayed at home afterwards but chose to go back into school after her shower and change of clothes as she was in GCSE year). And there were also a couple of occasions when I went to collect her and bring her home as the pain was so awful and she was unable to function well.

So it is perfectly possible for schools to take this seriously and provide appropriate support. I would be asking for a meeting with the Head of Year or Pastoral leadership. Good luck.

Stop putting your own misguided ideas onto her and encourage her to take the pill, it may be transformative.

Another person here to say that Buscopan has been one of the more effective medications for my period pains too. I have also found that hormonal contraceptives have been helpful (the combined pill for years, and the Mirena more recently) at reducing but not eliminating symptoms.

I would definitely be going in to speak to the head of year or head teacher at this point. It's unacceptable that teachers are gatekeeping whether or not you are contacted about her health in school, which is ultimately what is happening if they are not contacting you about her saying she needs to come home. I would be inclined to go armed with some articles for them to read both about medical gaslighting, and endometriosis, which is what it sounds like she may have? If you have any letters from a consultant that your daughter is happy for you to share with them that would probably also be sensible.

I would try and speak to them about what they as a school can do to support her staying in school on these days, whether this a toilet pass, access to medication, somewhere private to go for a rest if needed, as a starting point. I might also suggest that teachers consider undertaking some CPD on hidden disabilities...

I’d get the letter off the consultant who offered one and be polite but firm that you want to receive the phone call when she’s asking to ring you and in pain.

Sorry but id be losing sympathy with her if she isn't willing to consider the pill AND is resistant to the pain relief suggested eg mefanemic acid. She is not doing the things she could easily be doing eg taking safe approved medication.
That makes me think she actualky doesn't want to sort this out just wants to go home from school.
I suffered with horrendous period pain as a teen and i was so incredibly grateful for the pain relief offered, id have tried anything to make it better.

Agree. Of course you can totally sympathise with any female with horrific period issues but the drip feed coming through indicates that she is very stubborn. The problem won't fix itself - only medication will and she is refusing. Only she can do something about this. Mum is trying, doctors are trying.

No Medication does not fix some women’s menstrual issues and even where it helps some women find the side effects untenable.

The OPs posts indicate that she has some SEN and MH issues and victim blaming is unacceptable.

OP is correct she cannot force someone to take medication they don’t want to. We do not live in a totalitarian state.