school not taking dds period pains seriously

[canigetarepp]

my DD has very very heavy and painful periods. she is 14 now and her periods have always been like this since she started aged 11. she takes iron tablets because otherwise she becomes anaemic. she is prescribed the same medication that I used to take before my hysterectomy, for adenomyosis. GP tries to encourage her to go on the pill, but she doesn't want to.
she has also had burst ovarian cysts, for which she was hospitalised in the past.
yesterday she went to 3 different teachers at school because of her period requesting to come home. they refused to call me. one of them even mocked her and asked how she was going to cope in the real world if she can't cope with period pains, teachers can't go home when they get their periods etc etc

I'm really cross. I need to be able to trust that they will look after her. what am I supposed to do, just keep her home when she has her period so I know this won't happen again, that seems extreme. I know this was in the press recently so it's obviously fairly common. how do you/your dds deal with school, regarding periods?

You've never googled 'best pain relief for period pain' to find options to try?

Prob because they've actually offered up serious prescription meds that would be even more likely to be effective....

The point is she could be doing something to improve it all - taking the pill. The right pill reduces cysts occurring, reduces heavy flow and risk of flooding. Shes choosing not to - and is that because if the problem is less severe or even fixed, she won't get to go home.
Im not saying she is faking im saying perhaps it suits her not to improve her symptoms because right now they enable her to go home.

I think your line needs to be that you wont collect her from school unless shes tried taking mefanamic acid, in front of the school nurse, and giving it half an hour to see if it helps.

Well The GP and Nurses sure as Hell didn't
Gynae did though

Also get her to start whatever meds she will take the day before she is due on (use a period tracking app to get a rough idea)
At home she might like a plug in heat pad

Women can be misogynistic. They internalise the misogyny of the wider society. When a woman dismisses another woman's pain because she doesn't suffer the same way, it's because dismissing women's pain is acceptable.

THIS!

Get on the waiting list asap.

And make life hell for the school staff who mocked your child.

And that’s ok, she’s 14. She has combination of physical and mental health issues and some SEN. Resistance to medication for a variety of reasons is not uncommon, even in adults. Whether you have sympathy or think it’s acceptable or not, thankfully others take a more enlightened approach.

Those are factual points. Not mocking. Factual observation and question.

It depends on how it is delivered doesn’t it lljkk?

If it is said in a supportive sympathetic manner with a follow up suggested sit down meeting then fine.

But op described teachers as dismissive and one teacher as mocking, with them refusing to even call her. That doesn’t sound very understanding to me. It sounds like they were blaming and disbelieving.

No, but sounds like she is discouraging her.

Period pain is very often used as an "excuse" to be sent home or miss lessons. I can understand the school being firm on not calling home It's not an emergency. Unfortunately the 'naughty' kids mean it's not treated as thoughtfully as it could be . If she was that bad you shouldn't have sent her in. Also if it's so bad why won't she consider the pill which really really helped me. I was crippled with period pain before.

Your poor DD. As a teenager, as well as my 20s, I suffered from horrendously heavy and painful periods. The pain would often be so bad that I'd start throwing up and passing out. It was really bad for a long time, and even well into my twenties I would get periods like that every 6 months or so. I wasn't diagnosed with anything and no tests/scans have ever picked up a reason why I suffered so badly. It was just unfortunate. I was put on the pill eventually and it really helped. I would still get those nasty periods every so often and still get bad cramps, but they were manageable with pain relief.

I totally get why your dd doesn't want to go on the pill because I didn't either. I think I suffered until I was 16 (so 4 years of dealing with this each month) and then I finally decided it was time to try the pill.

The problem is a culture.

Op can speak to someone but how can they make sure all the teachers are in line? They will project their own views on ops dd.

What about a doctors letter without perosnal details but something about the pain and discomfort and how she must be taken seriously and also with DIGNITY

yes, I am imagining that she will eventually want to take it. it is a big thing to be thinking about aged 12/13 isn't it

Your poor dd. My dd2 has suffered enormously too with period pain - they now think it's endometriosis. The pain - even on 3 packs of pills back to back, s9 only one bleed per 9 weeks - was agonising during her week off and a few days either end of it.

I would definitely push for referral to a gynae clinic if she's not already on that pathway.

When we eventually saw the gynae consultant, she put dd on a different pill (she'd tried several before), this time a mini pill to be taken continuously with no break. I am so cross that it took years of pushing to get to this, but for dd it's been a lifeline. Would your dd consider a trial period of the pill?

If all else fails, my dd found the Myoovi (mini tens machine) very helpful. On max level, and combined with max doses of ibuprofen and paracetamol, it enabled her to cope with school most of the time, though her GCSE exams were hugely affected as she ended up in agony for more than half of them.

Mefenamic acid worked slightly better for her but wore off quicker, so she opted to stick to ibuprofen but that could also be worth a try.

Finally, I would definitely be taking it up with school - as others have said, they need to be aware of the situation and sensitive to it, it's clear when someone is in genuine pain and it's outrageous that they haven't taken her seriously. X

PS DD1 (and I) resisted the pill for ages but she needed it too and it made hers more manageable, though still v heavy. By the time dd2's pain levels showed themselves, it was so severe so quickly that we had to get our heads round it - and anaemia was becoming more of a problem too. You might find she feels better about trying it soon, mine started it from age 14 and 12 respectively.

@lljkk i guess the point is she's currently in the real world experiencing real pain. I imagine if the teacher was asking her kindly does she need additional support so she can continue to do nice things etc it would have been better. Also perhaps not expecting a 14 year old to manage her health is also an option. That's probably more the tone I'd expect her to use with the students guardian except it's easier to be (factually) an asshole to a child.

People are expecting an awful lot of a child in pain let alone one with some special needs.

As an adult I find it incredibly hard to weigh up the pros and cons of different medication and whether I’d be better off with being on the meds or not. It’s complicated and often views differ. It’s a lot to expect of a scared child.

I don’t think it does. She’s just more sympathetic than the uncomprehending views here.

How but surely that's why the child should take on the advice of her medical professional.

In my school we would send her to the school nurse who would have her medical information and so know how to support her or know to send her home. If you have not let the school know the full extent yet then they would try to get her to be resilient especially as you say she already had attendance issues (though obviously there shouldn't be mocking her). When you contact the school check everything above is in her medical information and shared with her teachers as your chat with the HoY might have not achieved this.