I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

Sounds horrendous regardless of age. Can’t you just say ‘I can’t do Paris but let me treat you to a lovely birthday meal out when you get back?’

Extra celebration, what’s not to love? If she’s a good friend she won’t be offended surely. She must understand that trip is a big ask and not everyone’s idea of fun.

I’m 15 years younger than you and this sounds like an awful trip 😅

Do you live down south or something? I can't imagine going to France for the day. Can you go for longer and just join them for the Disneyland bit and then just enjoy paris by yourself for a few days so it's not as rushed?

Op i think you need to be honest.

'Sorry it's not something I would want to do. It sounds exhausting, and a lot of money to spend more time travelling than actually enjoying the day'

I'd offer up alternatives if it's the rides she wants to do then look at the other theme parks in the SW. But if she really wants to do Disney then I'd look at options for a weekend away, flying Friday night back Sunday. Assuming you could both afford to do that.

I wouldn't go. It honestly sounds like my idea of hell and its too much if you know you won't enjoy it. Going along and then trying to sit out would put a dampener on things, especially as it's only for a day (albeit a very long one). I would be honest and say that its a lot for you, but you would like to arrange something else another time to do with her. Its not about being precious, and in her shoes (as I have been), I would much rather someone said no thank you, then have them dragged along not enjoying it.

Hell No

It's a long day, but doable
But Disney? She's 50 not 5!
That is my idea of hell, why would I want to queue up for ages to go on a load of kids rides.

For the people that asked where we live to attempt such a journey, yes we're in Kent. Mainly in the Romney Marsh area (those who know it). We'd be getting on a coach to the Eurotunnel terminal, then on a shuttle bus to Disneyland at the other end.

My friend has only given us approximately timings, but somehow I think we'd be setting off earlier and returning later than she thinks! She's invited 6 of us.

I don't want to be that person who says yes now and then bails in 3 months time, so I'll find a way of saying no, but suggest something less strenuous we could still do together.

I don't think I sound '82' at all, as someone said!! I love going out and socialising, but I pace myself!

Love Romney Marsh, nice cycling roads.

Anyway, its a big ask OP to go on a trip like that, do you know if the others are just as excited as your friend or are some dreading it too?

It's one day. You suck it up for your friend.

I thought about traveling the day before, solo, and staying over but they'd probably see that as strange, and it would probably cost an extra £150 or more.

Yes, the meal out is in Disneyland itself. If it was closer I'd happily just meet them there for the evening without dashing around all day, but not really possible!

Winterysun

I get what you mean about not like going out straight from work etc. I’ve found having a little freshen up, face wash, hair brush, deodorant before the evening bit starts really helps.

How about Eurostar there for the evening and travel back with them?

Christ almighty that sounds awful. I’m 43 and also couldn’t cope with a day that long and all the walking. No way would I go to this. No no no.

its the MN favourite. Invitations are just that, not commands. If she is a good friend she will understand that its not something you can do and if she isn't a good friend then it won't matter.....you might use the spoons analogy which I belive most people know now....to say that you just don't have enough spoons for that but you wish her a lovely time. It started off to help people explain illnesses like M.E. but people use it now for all kinds of reasons https://www.thebraincharity.org.uk/whats-spoon-theory/

you don't have to!

No but you make an effort for your friends, it isn't always about you.

50th birthday at Disneyland? Sounds like hell on earth. It was bad enough going when the kids were little.

What a patronising explanation

Its not necessary. OP doesnt have health issues and even if she did, its enough to say, its too tiring for me to do all that in one day, no need for a load of wank about spoons.

Erm no.

Time is precious.

My wellbeing is precious and life is short .

I actually wouldn't do this if you paid me.

I’d hate to think a friend was ‘sucking it up’ even if it’s only a day. Personally I would have spoken to all my friends (group chat) and agreed together what we’d all enjoy, even if it is my birthday outing.

I get that but sometimes you do things that aren't your favourite purely because it's your friend's special occasion etc. That's life, obviously there'll always be people who are too selfish to do a thing for others.

@Theimpossiblegirl depends where you live. For us we'd have to allocate 5ish hours to get to/from the airport, so a substantial chunk of the day gone already.

I don’t think the ones deciding not to go along with this outing are the selfish one’s, tbh.
Demanding your friends accompany you on a day trip to Disneyland when you’re 50 years old seems to be self absorption personified.

I don't mean this specifically, just in general. The types that won't do a thing for a friend just because it isn't their favourite thing to do.

Which is why I’d discuss it first with my friends. I don’t want them to ‘endure’ it even if I don’t know that’s what they're doing.