Ds wants the biggest room.

[I4gotmyname]

Ds keeps asking for a room swap. He's doing my head in . For past 4 days all I have heard is mum let me explain.

He then gos on to say please could we do a room swap . He's asking for A* to have his room . M to have A room and him to have M* room and E stay where he is.

Basically teen ds wants the largest room. I told him no as we have that set up for a reason . Ds has a middle size room. Easy get a double bed. His wardrobes , drawers and snake enclosure, also his gaming set up and still plenty of floor space.

Then he's bugging me but there's no where to put my snake can I at least put it in your room. Me no . Then he gos on and on to get the same answer.

Today its can me and E* at least swap beds . He has a small double . E* also has the smallest room . Again told him no.

Oh and also can i put the stake in the airing cupboard. Its a large walk on one . Told him no again. Thats where I dry my washing.

I don't get his thinking . I get he may ask. But he's spent 4 days going on and on.

Listen its not relevant who is A, which DS wants to swap to what bedroom... etc.

He is boiling your piss by nagging you relentlessly and it needs to stop.

Sit him down and explain why you have the current set up. Them tell him you want him to be clear that no one is swapping anything. No room swaps. No furntiure swaps. NO SWAPS!
You are willing to discuss changes to the furniture / paint in his rool and are happy to work with him on that BUT if he asks again or harasses your siblings there will be a consequence ( no internet for 24 hrs, no pocket money that week whatever) every time.
And follow through woth the consequence every time.

No he does not have asd . But he does have emotional dysregulation. There was talk about bipolar but he's to young to be diagnosed.

He does sound similar to your ds in some ways .but i can't allow him to ask his siblings as he will bully then into the answer he wants

Tell him to re-home the snake if he wants more room.

He does sound similar to your ds in some ways .but i can't allow him to ask his siblings as he will bully then into the answer he wants

It works with ds as he's the youngest, and his siblings are equally as stubborn as him. Dd1 might do it if she was okay with it, but I would be pretty certain if dd2 agreed she'd have got the better of the bargain. 🤣
I did think it might not work with your ds being the oldest because that means a different dynamic.

The other one I have done is suggest he writes his arguments down. Normally that is the end of it because he hates writing. However if he really wants it then he will, so I'd only suggest that if either you are prepared to give in or confident that he won't do that.

This summer he did write 25 points as to why he wasn't going to go on holiday with us. Number 25 was "I promise not to add nor subtract from the population" and number 24 was "Every contract will have a multiple of 5 clauses in it".
He did get to stay behind though, which I was prepared and he made all sorts of promises in the previous 23 which were suitable, well except for one "I promise not to break any bones (optional)".

I do find if I just shut it down totally, then that's generally asking for difficulties as he then feels aggrieved that he hasn't been heard, which is why I do tend to respond with him.

Would he go for compromise? So you offer he stays but some other compromise - eg new mattress topper or something? Ds will normally refuse the first compromise, but often comes back the next day with a modification to it which isn't much, then he feels he's been able to have his say.

Is it possible to have a carpenter build a frame to raise the bed? Just enough to have extra storage underneath (then remove other storage to make more room) or raise enough for the viv underneath, if it isn’t a tall one.

Maybe he could store his clothes in the airing cupboard to free up room in his bedroom?

Most importantly, make it clear that moving rooms isn’t an option. Moving the snake anywhere other than out the front door isn’t an option. But tell him if he can come up with a way of reorganising his room that doesn’t affect others in the house, then you are happy to discuss it. That at least gives him some agency, but he has to do the problem solving without simply taking from others.

He's definitely been listened to he just does nlt like the answer 🤣. I'm just going to say there's no room swapping and that's it. Tell him he can do anything he wants with his room . Its his space to do what ever he likes. But there will be no swapping .

Raising the bed a little could be an option. I'm.not sure how safe it would be to put a snake viv under there though. He definitely can't put his clothes in the airing cupboard . I dry our clothes in there . And keep the towels and bedding in there.

Just wanna make sure youir not my neighbour cos if you have a Snake 🐍 I'm moving. My phobia is strong, I've seen snakes in the wild in India and USA and shat myself each time.

If his boyfriend sometimes stays over, does he have an issue with being in the same room as the snake that DS is trying to solve?

I completely understand why you wouldn't want his snake in your room (shudder)but if it's a case of him wanting more floor space could the wardrobes come out of his room, would that be an acceptable compromise? If anything like my sons they don't really have much that needs hanging, hoodie, jogger, tshirts can mostly go in drawers, one of mine has drawers under the bed.

Look op you have said it several times that is room is large and plenty big for his needs. My 16 year old is in a single bed in a box room, it is what it is. With 5 bedrooms it sounds as though your house is large, would it be possible to put the snake's enclosure in the living room/dining room or even the hall?

I'm not your neighbour 👌

Would it be possible to get a large IKEA Kallax unit 5x5, and then if you don't put some of the internal vertical square sides in the Viv (depending on width and length) could fit in there and the other squares can be used for clothes and other storages if you get the boxes / matching drawers.

Lots of 'Kallax hacks' available online. I think the ones below are for small rodents and are a bit more customised / integrated than what I meant but you get the idea. Or a smaller Kallax unit with the Viv on top which would also give loads of storage.

No he holds the snake . He's fine with it

That would just give him. Less storage. No extra floor space.. I mean he can do that if he wants. He can do what he wants. As long as it's within his space

I was going to suggest to him that he looks at ikea hacks . I will show him this

At 17 this is not your issue to solve.
Let's not release another man into the world incapable of solving his own problems

He is able to think.
He is able to earn money.
He is able to find his own solution

And that doesn't involve anyone else moving room.

This reads like some sort of maths problem, I really can't understand!

A smaller bed woukd g8vebhim Korean floor space for his snake presumably.

A smaller bed would give him more floor space

It sounds like you need to treat him a bit Iike my 9yo. ‘I’ve already answered that.’ ‘Same answer as before’ ‘you are bullying your siblings asking them repeatedly, I’ve told you the answer and if you bully them into saying yes then I will have a list of jobs as long as your arm’ ‘your set up is fine for your snake. If yoh think it’s not working you may have to get rid of the snake as the room allocations are not changing’
and just responding with a chore request; I said no, now could you please wash the dishes. I said no, at 17 and thinking you can order everyone around you can cook dinner too I think, we have all the stuff for bolognese.

You are a better person than I am if you are still even listening to him, I would have started leaving the room every time he asked long ago. Tell him that there will be a negative consequence every time he tries to raise the subject again (you will know what works best), no means no and you will not be bullied by one of your kids. Final consequence if he doesn’t pack it in - the snake goes.

“Listen up DS! I love you but you are not more important than my other 3 children, who I love equally. You do not get to inconvenience the whole family because you want something. When you have your own place, which will be soon enough, you will be able to do as you please. We will not have this discussion again.”

Ask him if he thinks that when he starts work he will get the biggest office, best parking space, highest salary?

Children’s homes are like a micro society. It’s your opportunity to prepare them for what they can expect and what will be expected of them.

I wouldn't that, because if he moves back after uni/college to save up for his own place and he pays a bit of rent, he'll think he can pick which room to rent.