DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

OP - you sound a very kind and considerate person and I hope you come to a solution that is tolerably satisfactory for everyone

The OP has been sleeping on a sofa bed and gave her step son her own bed before this.

You can't make 3 children comfortable in a two bed house, especially not with that age range. It's not going to work and the arguments will only get worse.

Can you post a floor plan of largest bedroom to see if we can devise a partition plan with a stud wall?

@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone

has anyone suggested you and husband have the biggest room with the 2 youngest with bunks in with you?

Then DSS can have an independent space.

Obviously, purely as a temporary measure.

Honestly shocked at the fact people are still ignoring the fact that poor DSS never had a bed till now. 7 years without a proper place to sleep. But, Yeah OP, you sound so lovely! Jesus Christ both of you are awful.

Shocking parenting from the both of you.

Can you get on a waiting list for a council house due to your overcrowding?

They gave up their bedroom for him whenever he visited!

There are some really nasty, unpleasant and bitter people on here today. I guess some of you are venting due to your own circumstances?

Pathetic. If you're that angry get some counselling rather than take it out on someone genuinely asking for advice.

He isn’t a spoilt brat. He is a child that needs a suitable bedroom and sharing with two little bothers is not suitable. You need to use the sofa bed downstairs permanently and give him your room.

No wonder the poor lad is angry. By the sounds of it he’s been completely uprooted if he’s having to change schools to make a move away from friends and a potentially unstable parent. This really will be weighing heavily on him. If he was staying in your room eow when you had him that’s what he’s been used to so you can see why he might not be delighted to be with younger children. It might look nice (to you) but you’re not a 15 year old whose been uprooted and had their world turned upside down.

You made a choice at some point to rent a property where he couldn’t have his own space or room. unfortunately it’s not really viable if he’s going to be with you for a few years.

OP your feelings are important.
What demand will you be bowing down to next?

There's going to have to be compromise here, including from DSS, he needs to realise he can't just move in a start making demands.
You and your DH shouldn't have to sleep on a sofa bed nor 4 of you be squeezed into one room just so DSS can have a room to himself.
It's unbelievable that a 15 year old, or anyone would stand by and watch that happen, unless of course they're that controlling and to selfish to see beyond their own needs.

I'm sure his half siblings would love rooms of their own too but it's just not possible and for now your DSS needs to understand that he's more than welcome to live there but he does need to be told that you can't produce rooms from your hand bag, he knew the room situation before he moved in and demanding to have you move out of your room isn’t something he should be doing.

If giving him free time of the study where he can get away and do his homework is the making tge best of a bad situation then so be it.

Remember it's also yours and your own 2 DC's home.

That's not a thing anymore in most areas. Even when in actual council housing, much less when renting privately. Plus the council considers the living room as an extra bedroom/room .

My neighbours have 2 kids (12f, 8m) in a one bedroom flat. They're just told to keep bidding, very low priority and they're opposite sexes, with one going through puberty.

He's had his life turned upside down; of course he's kicking off.
In this situation, I'd turn the front room into a bedroom 'til I'd saved to move to a 3 bed.
It's a lot of upheaval for your children, as well, so I'd choose the path of least resistance.

Yet another “blended” family where new kids take priority even though there is no space, they have more dc ignoring the dc who already exists. It’s so bloody selfish but all too common.

One of the most apt user names I've ever seen on here.

It's very likely the poor kid just wants a space to cry and rage in privacy and without being overheard. There is a lot of trauma at play here , and yes it can make people (especially kids) hyperfocused on one thing. That’s not being selfish. That’s being too overwhelmed by all the other shit going on.

And? A child who is there so frequently deserved his own bed. Not someone else’s bed. He’s not a visitor. He lives there. He deserves his own space and to not be treated like an inconvenience.

But it’s okay! Because his dad did not know about him! Despite him deciding to have another kid even after they knew about him thus prevent him sharing with his brother…

Honestly OP and his dad have let him down so much. Horrible.

I think the Op is getting unwarranted ranting in response to her ask for support. She clearly wants to support her step son!

I’ve possibly missed this in your posts, but do you own your home? Is an attic conversion feasible in the longer term?

I don't really get all these people saying 3 children of different ages cannot share. Of course it is not ideal, but lots of larger families have 3 in one room. I know families in London renting, both privately and Council, with 5 or 6 children in 2 or 3 bedroom homes. These children share with wide age gaps and nowhere to study. At least the OP can offer a study space.
Many families are overcrowded with today's housing crisis.

Yep, and there is actually people here who are feeling sorry for the parent/stepparent despite them not even giving him a permanent bed for 7 years.

I think you’re right to try to ignore the rudeness, it sounds like he has been through a lot, poor lad.

You sound like you’re trying your best to make him feel welcome and secure, which is exactly what he needs at the moment. I’d go ahead with the plan for the study for him. Hopefully he’ll then feel happier and the rudeness, which is very likely due to what he’s had to deal with, will stop.

It sounds like a difficult situation for you all. Good luck.

I am on the fence. Fundamentally I think blended families are very tricky. I would find it so hard to put up with other people's kids.

No things or storage space either evidently. Real dedicated dad though.

@Octalinx 4 days a month is frequently? I dare you to find one resident parent that agrees with that assessment.