Urgent help and advice needed - being harassed by neighbours

[MimPimMim]

Hoping to get some practical advice on what to do next and the type of solicitor I might need, if anyone can help?

In short, we (my husband and I) have been subjected to a campaign of harassment by our adjoining neighbours (live in a semi). I can’t go into too much detail as it will be outing but essentially there was a civil issue at the beginning of the year (a fault on their side, which they were adamant was caused by a fault on our side and they wanted us to pay for. Chattered surveyor - paid for by us - and environmental health proved this was not the case) that they got very nasty over. Their behaviour has escalated more and more, including multiple malicious reports to social services. Police have been each time and concluded that there is no issue.

On police advice, we have been ignoring them. I’m frightened of them, my two young children are frightened of them (thumping and shouting at the kids through the walls). We have taken police advice on safety measures, including a personal alarm and CCTV.

Neighbours not happy that they aren’t getting a reaction from us and their behaviour is continuing to escalate. They know that we have reported them to the police for harassment and have increasingly made up lies to say we say we are harassing them. Police were initially supportive but now say that it is a ‘he said, she said’ situation and they can’t do anything unless it turns physical.

Neighbours not happy with my children’s (who are 5 and 3) perfectly normal noise. 3 year old had a tantrum today and they recorded it - then reported me to the police for child abuse. We know this because they then sent a message to my husband telling them the children scream all the time when he is out and the police have assured them they will investigate for abuse from me to the children. They have also said they are engaging a solicitor because we are harassing them.

We are at a loss about what to do now but think it may be time to get a solicitor involved. Does anyone have any advice? Or know what sort of solicitor would deal with this or what we should ask them to do? Thank you - the whole situation is incredibly stressful. Tempted to speak to the estate agent and see whether it’s worth putting the house (even though we love it and thought this would be the house our children would grow up in) on the market, but doubt it’s even sellable thanks to the disputes we’d have to declare. I’m just so worried and sad.

You need to apply for a civil injunction, ideally you need a solicitor to do this for you.

If their behaviour is causing you alarm, nuisance and distress, it can be classed as antisocial behaviour. You can approach the local authority ASB team or police and with enough evidence they can issue community protection warnings, which if breached progress to a community protection notice.

Keep reporting and logging with police and keep saying what the behaviour has caused you/made you feel. Because you need to convey the level of risk you feel.

If you get nowhere with Police you can look at an ASB Case review (Community Trigger) if you can evidence you have made 3 separate reports of ASB within a 6 month period. This is usually done on the council's website, but some areas have it raised through the Police themselves. This means an outsider looks at the police response to see if there has been failings.

Alternatively, you can make a complaint to the police as well.

But your best option is evidence, evidence, evidence, diaries, recordings etc.

Completely normal family noise - kids aren’t particularly noisy but do occasionally have tantrums (as 3 year olds do!). These don’t go on for long but latest from the neighbour was to record the tantrum - all 50 seconds of it which we can see from the recording - and then report to police for child abuse, saying it wasn’t an isolated incident and that they hear screaming all day, every day. All completely made up. Kids are happy, loved and well looked after - they are also both asleep from about 7.30pm to 7am every night!

The malicious reports started when they tried to bully us into taking reponsibility and paying for the defect on their house and then have been periodically when we have ignored their attempts to provoke. The latest one seems to coincide with not getting anywhere with rounding up neighbours to complain about our cctv.

Pre-kids, we used to live above a family with three noisy kids in a two bedroom flat - it was on the louder end of noisy and in a small space but kids make noise and we’d never have dreamed about complaining, much less making malicious reports to police / social services. We remember now what that was like so have always tried to be considerate but don’t ask the kids to walk on eggshells in their own home.

Thanks Moose, that’s really helpful. I think we do at least need to speak to a solicitor and understand our position better, so that we can make an informed decision about next steps. This is all really impacting my mental health, I’m concerned about my physical health due to my disability and I don’t feel safe either in or outside the house. This can’t go on. We had hoped that our neighbours would get bored by now but, if anything, they are constantly looking for ways to step it up.

This - I paid for and had sent a cease and desist letter.

Yes you need a civil litigation solicitor. They should be able to help with an initial letter and a Protection from Harassment Order too.

Thanks Fluff and Spiralling. For those who did send a cease and desist letter, did you try mediation first? I’m not sure I can put myself through mediation (nor do I believe, given their conduct, that our neighbours would enter into it in good faith) and I’m not sure it would resolve anything - we have nothing to do with them and, if they were so minded, they could completely leave us alone but, as I said earlier, perhaps it would give them an outlet.

No, I didn’t attempt any mediation, she was too batshit crazy for me to even entertain that idea. A firm warning from a reputable lawyer is what you need. It may cost you a few hundred.

I would not move at all! This is you family home, you have done nothing wrong, so stay put. All the cost and stress of moving, trying to maintain schools, showings, all that for what?
Keep ignoring them, find your inner bad bitch and instead of being intimidated, be dismissive.
Head up, calm, set the example for the kids
If they escalate, report, otherwise keep documentation (recording of them threatening, texts threatening, etc) in case.
Find help to stay if you need it, but don't let shitbags like them win.

i don’t want to put the dampeners on the get a solicitor to write a letter idea. But I know in the case of my warring neighbours the letter from the solicitor made no difference in fact if anything it made it worse just adding more fuel on the fire.
My neighbours might have been an extreme situation I’ve never encountered or know anyone who’s ever encountered anything quite like it.
The positive was that 3 years in it just fizzled out I guess they both run out of energy to go around attacking each others property/lives. It must be such hard work to keep up that level of animosity day in day out, the local police must have cracked open a bottle of champagne when they finally stopped as I suspect did all the neighbours in the vicinity

Could you find somewhere to rent, and then rent your house out for, say, six months? To give yourselves a break? Just a thought.

@MimPimMim this sounds VERY similar to our old neighbours. They harassed us. Police involved. They made MANY malicious reports to children's services about me. They rang 999 MANY times maliciously trying to insinuate the same thing. Each time they came out because they have to.
They were VERY aggressive and intimidating. They filmed my child MANY times. Banged on the walls. Like you, tried to say we made too much noise. This was actually investigated with a noise recorder and it was proved we don't make too much noise.
They also made retaliation reports to the police about us saying we were harassing them as well just like you say!

I had years of it. Police said it's very hard to get anywhere with neighbour problems and can take years unfortunately. You've already done my biggest advice I give anyone which is CCTV.

In the end our neighbours moved out. (Yay!)
I believe this was because they didn't like us (although no real reason to) and also we were the first person who'd actually taken action against them and got CCTV and kept reporting them to the police. They didn't like that.

It is REALLY hard. When I write it in this post it doesn't get across the seriousness of it all and how bad it was. There were of course other things they did.

But yes I ignored them. I actually KNOW that mine were also trying to goad and goad and goad us till I reacted and they could get it on film and get us. But I didn't. I know what we what they wanted.

Keep going with what you're doing. Don't react. Get everything you can on film.

Purple - I’m sorry you had to go through that, it sounds exactly like the situation we are in. It’s awful. I think what’s really put me on edge is the recording my 3 year old having a tantrum and then using that as their ‘evidence’ to
make another malicious report. After shouting at him to shut up through the wall! I’m glad your neighbours eventually moved out. I can’t see ours going anywhere - they’ve done loads of work on their house since they moved in (and not once did we complain about the noise and disruption!). I’m sure mine are trying to goad too - another message from them tonight (blocked now) saying that they are getting a solicitor involved as it is targeted harassment because we are ignoring their messages and won’t communicate with them. Threat that they’ll seek to recover costs from us too. I just feel massively on edge and can’t shake it. Did you try mediation or a solicitors letter or continued to ignore regardless?

Nikita - I think I’d be tempted if it was just us but not sure it’s fair to disrupt our children. Also think that would be the beginning of the end for living here as I can’t imagine we’d want to come back. Which might be the right thing? But a hard decision to make.

Thanks to all for the suggestions and advice - I really appreciate it. It’s helping to just share and offload a bit too. Think I put a bit too much stock in the police being able to help and have increasingly realised that they aren’t interested, despite escalation and aggression (with no consequences) from our neighbours. Luckily we have lots of support from friends and family but I hate living like this and not sure it’s fair on the children either.

@MimPimMim i had meditation suggested to me by a couple of the people who were involved at the time. But there was no easy I was going to meditate with them.I know I wouldn't have got anywhere. They were completely unreasonable people who didn't listen to reason full stop. But the people accepted that and I think they could see that.

I thought about A solicitor's letter but actually in the end I thought out would be a waste of time. I don't think it would have made them stop one bit. They didn't care that the police were involved so why would they care about a solicitor's letter.

I didn't think they'd move. I hardly dared hope! But they did! But of course that won't be the case for everyone.

Ours made threats of legal action too.

It's really sad isn't it. They got a voice recording of our child when she was having a meltdown and sent it to children's services! The whole thing was absolutely awful

You do wonder what the hell is. wrong with people. The energy and time they must waste doing all this shit. My fortunately now ex neighbours would constantly moan to anyone they met in the village about how awful the other one was and how all they wanted to do was “live in peace and quiet”. I just wanted to say to one in particular “for fuck sake if you ignore the other one and stop feeding the situation this will all stop”. Just to reiterate I’m not saying you’re at fault here OP.
Both had full time responsible jobs I just cant imagine coming home from a long day at work and everyday starting all this petty crap, spending you’re weekend going round your property looking for any damage/change that you can accuse your neighbour of doing “oh look a flower pot has fallen over that must be Xs fault I’ll report her to the police”. Or Y’s dogs barking she must have locked it in a cupboard I’ll report her to the RSPCA.

I would consult a solicitor. You have taken the view, entirely reasonably, that responding fuels the fire, but it seems that isn’t working here. So you need, in my view, to be doing something different. You are right that this dispute would have to be revealed on a sale of your house (or theirs). I’d ask about orders preventing them from any contact (tho I don’t think you can prevent them contacting other people). I’d also as suggested contact your MP-not about the neighbours but about the lack of support. Presumably you have documented the police saying it is harassment but they can’t help unless it gets worse? Can you get that in writing? It’s a terrible situation, really stressful and hard to understand what is really going on in the other people’s minds. You might not want to take legal action (yet) but you could do with understanding what your options are, I think.

Just sending support….

We moved after a similar experience. After the police said they couldn’t do anything ( although they were very supportive and could see my neighbour was awful) we decided to move. I wish I’d moved earlier. Nothing is more important than you and your family feeling safe in your home.

Ours started over a building issue, so to get over the declaration when selling we said - difficult relationship with next door stemming from building issue, resolved on 1st Oct ( ie the date police said no further action )
We did not contact the police again from that date. We had it checked with our solicitor. I know you don’t want to move, but it can be done.

Honestly, try to move if you can. We had a decade of harassment from a neighbour's son and it was escalating towards the end and we moved. We owned our home and I'd spent virtually all my savings on upgrading it, but moving was the only solution. I wish we'd moved sooner tbh as it was never going to improve. I think harassers have personality disorders and just get off on bullying others. Go and see a solicitor regarding how to handle the information you need to disclose if you sell.

We moved in the end and we weren't dealing with half of what you are.
It was the only way and we didn't have a board or anything so on moving day they were shocked but left us to it. Best thing we did was get away

Write to the police, a short letter detailing what you want e.g.:

”in the past X years we have made X reports to the police regarding our criminal harassment by Y. The offences have occurred on X occasions and comprises of X abusive texts, X abusive interactions, X malicious complaints. Y are using the police as a conduit to continue their campaign of criminal
harassment

despite our complaints, the police have failed to protect us from harassment and the threat of violence and so we seek reassurance that this matter will be investigated and taken seriously”

Secondly you’re under no obligation to respond to their DSAR, GDPR excludes domestic use.

This happened to us.

The police were absolutely no help whatsoever. It was the first time I'd ever needed the police in my life and I was taken aback at how completely useless they were.

We had plenty of evidence. We never retaliated, not once because we had a toddler.

For us it started with shouting at us and escalated to fires and violence.

I had to wait until my dh was finished work every day and we had to meet up and come home together as I was too scared to come in to the street on my own. Well, with dd.

You are never ever going to change them. They aren't going to stop. The only solution is to move. We had to borrow money in order to get on with it.

I’m the same - genuinely thought that the police would be able to see what’s happening and would at least try to help. But nothing. How can a woman saying that she’s frightened for herself and her children, because of men, go so totally unheard these days? I’m really worried about how far our neighbours will go as they are obviously trying to get a reaction and we are ignoring them.

Have asked the police to come back to us in writing but no response. I think we go need to investigate our options legally (both with regards to selling and to think about the harassment / civil injunction side of things), so that we at least know what options are open to us then make an informed decision from there.

Yes, neighbours are bullies. This all stems from a defect they wanted us to take responsibility for and pay for - we proved it wasn’t anything to do with us, they resolved it themselves (suspect there should have been a party wall agreement involved but neighbours refused to give party wall notice). We naively hoped that was it but they just won’t stop. So much time and energy spent on it from then that I can only think they are getting pleasure from trying to torment us.

Shouting at my child through the wall and then recording him has really pushed me over the edge. Had been trying to shrug it off before this but finding it really difficult now.

And unfortunately the ICO does say that our CCTV does come under GDPR where this is some unavoidable overspill (all completely legal and data compliant) onto the pavement outside, so we do have to legally respond. Need to work out if there is an intermediary we can go through for this, as we are not entering into any kind of dialogue with them at all. That’s exactly what they want and I suspect they think they’ve been really clever finding something we aren’t able to ignore.

How long has this been going on for you?

This sounds miserable OP. I'm so sorry. I think the best would be to contact a solicitor and discuss options. I think you've exhausted the police process here so best maybe to see what other options you have

Purple - about 10 or so months but really stepped up in the last six. They made their repair in August and that was last contact we had with them, have been ignoring them ever since. It’s escalated ever since then but seems to have gotten even worse over the last month or so.