My ds doesn't want to go to grandparents because of their dog

[blowuptiger]

Ds is 5 almost 6. He used to live going to grandparents until they had a puppy 18 months ago, at first he loved the puppy (he loves dogs in general) but then the pup got over excited and used to snap at ds face. Once drawing blood just under his eye!
It's really scared ds understandably. The pup even tho almost 2 years still gets excited when he sees ds and bounds towards him and jumps to his face. I've taught ds to be firm and say 'no' with a hand up etc but he just panics.

We haven't seen grandparents for months now and seven arranged to go over today (Boxing Day) but ds is really not wanting to go and it's making it very hard.

I've asked grandparents to come here without the dog but they won't leave the dog at home alone!!!! So I thought best thing would be that we go there and can come away when/if ds gets too upset.

Grand parents just dismiss ds worry and say that Ddog is a good boy/he won't hurt you/don't he silly etc etc. it doesn't help with ds worrying.

If they're unwilling to put their grandchild above an untrained dog then they don't deserve to see him.

This.

I normally say you just need to teach the child how to be calm around dogs but if it's snapping and drawn blood that sounds like it's untrained and fairly dangerous.

I wouldn’t be taking my DC if they were scared of the dog, it won’t be a nice visit for them.

I don't think you should take him. I assume the dog is at face level for your son? Imagine how it would feel to have a creature as tall as your face snapping at you. No thanks.

They need to put the dog in another room while you visit and train it not to jump up.

The dog bit your child’s face and you’re still thinking of going round to its home? That’s mad. I love dogs, but I’d never put a dog before my child/grandchild.

I don't think your DS should be made to visit with this dangerous dog around. It has already bitten him and drawn blood.

used to snap at ds face. Once drawing blood just under his eye!

I don't blame him. As his parents why aren't you taking responsibility for the decision to not want to go to the grandparents instead of leaving it up to him?

Grand parents just dismiss ds worry
Who's parents are they? Whoever parents they are needs to tell them you're not coming because you're worried it's not safe for your ds.

Honestly this.
And i have a dog and love dogs.

They are being willfully obstructive and i cannot believe they NEVER leave the dog alone as their lives would be so restricted. Its also bad for the dog. If they are set on this "rule" they need to visit you individually while someone stays with a bloody beloved dog.

I would not be exposing my son to this. An alternate solution needs to be sought.

Dear dog is a good boy he’s only once drawn blood 😳

i would say it needs to be in another room or they visit you . If not then thanks very much we’ll try again next Christmas. Rinse and repeat

Thank you for the replies. I'm made to feel like the one in the wrong here when I speak up for ds when he's scared. They seem to think it's my problem and I'm too soft on ds but I do get really annoyed they just dismiss ds feelings.

Constantly reassuring us that Ddog is a very good boy etc but never once said that they understand how ds feels.

I have a dog who is very excitable and likes to jump up. We’ve worked hard on the jumping and I have a set up so she’s behind a stair gate if I have visitors who are nervous of dogs. I only let her through if the visitor is happy; she’s small enough to carry so sometimes I’ll carry her in to say hello to the visitor first.

Your DS is not being unreasonable given past behaviour of the dog. I would spell it out to hi s grandparents. ‘No matter how much you say the dog is “good”, DS is scared because of the previous behaviour. We will not visit unless the dog is contained when we arrive. You are welcome to come to us without the dog. It would be a shame if you miss out on seeing DS because you won’t compromise about the dog but we need to put his feelings first.’ Reasonable dog owners would put safety precautions inn place 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t go unless they’d agreed the dog be kept outside for the duration of the visit. As soon as the dog came in the house, I would leave.

Exposing a young child to a dog who’s already drawn blood on his face and isn’t rigorously under control will only make your DS’s fears more ingrained.

Your parents are irresponsible and selfish to prioritise their thoughts about their young dog over the ease and safe Tig their grandson.

Your child was bitten? They have not trained the dog after the incident?

No way I would go.
They could visit us without the dog. .

You need to point out how dangerous it was having the dog biting near your child's eye, and that if the injury had been more serious they would have had the police round. If they can't control the dog when you're there, they need to shut it in another room. As matters stand they are effectively saying they value the dog more than your child.

Don't make it about your ds then. Make it your /dp's decision.

"We don't want D's to get hurt by the dog so please put the dog in another room/ visit us without the dog/ meet at a restaurant etc

My dad's puppy is exactly the same with my 9 month old son I tell my dad to put the puppy in another room otherwise I won't come. The puppy could have scratched your son's eye or even worse, I wouldn't like it either if I was your son, you need to be advocating for him.

Puppies play with, or at least tries to, humans the same way they play with their litter mates and it’s very rough at times. So that part is normal and doesn’t mean it’s a dangerous dog. He just hadn’t learnt how to behave in a human world yet.

What I would have a problem with is that they are completely dismissing your son’s fear and that they are unwilling to train the dog. Eventually the dog will get less excitable around visitors but they are many years away from that point if they choose not to train it. I do think it’s important that your son doesn’t develop a fear of dogs because of this though so maybe suggest you meet up for a dog walk or something else where your son isn’t in a confined space with the dog until he feels more comfortable.

Why are you more worried about what the grandparents think of you, than about your sons safety?

My child wouldn’t be going near a dog that had drawn blood below his eye. And if the grandparents made me feel like I was in the wrong I’d make them feel it right back.

It's not about your DS, it's about the dog.

The dog has previously bitten your child and still is not trained.

Are they your parents?

Stop talking about your DS being scared, instead talk about how you are not willing to tolerate the dogs behaviour any more. Just state your adult position.

Set some boundaries. If you want to visit without the dog then you'll be welcome. If you can't leave the dog you can visit separately. I'll visit your house without DS as I'm not comfortable with the dogs behaviour around him, given he bit DS before.

Children shouldn't be scared of all dogs if possible, but it is completely sensible to avoid a dog that has previously bitten.

Don't force him to go. Just tell the grandparents you are not coming as the dog has already once hurt DS. If they choose their dog over DS then that's their choice. Just like yours is to protect your DS.

I would not go. Ur DP needs to.explain why and explain how to facilitate a visit if they want u there.

Did you not tear strips off your parents when the dog injured your child?

I'd be raging.

And I would be very stern either way them about visits when the dog is around. Absolutely no way.

Perhaps your dd doesn't feel like you have his back in this.