My ds doesn't want to go to grandparents because of their dog

[blowuptiger]

Ds is 5 almost 6. He used to live going to grandparents until they had a puppy 18 months ago, at first he loved the puppy (he loves dogs in general) but then the pup got over excited and used to snap at ds face. Once drawing blood just under his eye!
It's really scared ds understandably. The pup even tho almost 2 years still gets excited when he sees ds and bounds towards him and jumps to his face. I've taught ds to be firm and say 'no' with a hand up etc but he just panics.

We haven't seen grandparents for months now and seven arranged to go over today (Boxing Day) but ds is really not wanting to go and it's making it very hard.

I've asked grandparents to come here without the dog but they won't leave the dog at home alone!!!! So I thought best thing would be that we go there and can come away when/if ds gets too upset.

Grand parents just dismiss ds worry and say that Ddog is a good boy/he won't hurt you/don't he silly etc etc. it doesn't help with ds worrying.

A. Listen to your child B. Be a responsible parent. Don't let your child near this untrained dog. You shouldn't need your son to tell you this!
Fuck the family. If they don't have your child's best interests at heart, they don't deserve to see your child. Be clear about the reasons, and leave the door open so they can always visit you dog-free.

This, unless DGP's agreed to put their untrained dog into another room. My dogs would never jump at a person. They have been trained to sit if a child comes to the house and wants to pet them and if I tell them to go to their baskets they go. It's not hard to train a dog, unless it's a cockapoo and they are often wild and dopey.

The grand parents don't sound very sensible/kind. Keep the young idiotic dog on a lead/in another room/muzzled if it cannot behave properly without any issues.

It is really unkind to blame the young child for being nervous!!

Oh my gosh. There's no way I would want my child anywhere near a dog that had already bitten them before, for safety reasons, regardless of how willing my child was.

Your too soft on your son after their dog drew blood.
What type of dog?

Turn it around op, your too soft in the dog. They don't sound like they are too interested in seeing him so I would stop pushing it.

The dog bit your DC in play and excitement, but nonetheless it did damage. The GPs should have it clearly explained to them that if they want their grandchild to enjoy visiting them and come to like the dog, they need to train the bloody dog and control it in the meantime.

The dog has already bitten your DS, and on the face.
You or your DH need to tell these people no you will not be attending as the dog has bitten your child on the face.

The dog needs some training at the very least.
What breed is it ? Is it likely to get much bigger ?

@blowuptiger grandparents are being very unfair to your young son!! they have obviously not trained their dog well at all if he is still snapping at son's face. they should be able to leave dog at home for a few hourse while they visit by now! I would not go to grandparents if they are not going to keep your child safe by keeping their dog confined to a room or a dog cage!! your child is more important than a dog! it is their loss!

Someone else has asked upthread - but whose parents are they? The parent who is the child needs to say - firmly - that you won’t be bringing DS unless the dog is put away. No messing about; just a firm message. And then it’s up to them….

I would consider giving them the benefit of the doubt that possibly the dog, now that much older, may be calmer and better trained than on your last visit.

I would make plans as follows:

Drive there and on arrival one parent goes in alone and scopes out how things are. Does the dog seem to be calmer and quieter? does it immediately obey if told to sit/lie down? Or if not is there a crate it can be shut into?

If all is well and the situation is ok, the rest ofcthe family comes in but you are all prepared to leave if the situation deteriorates

I would find a nice thing to doin the vicinity that you can go to if the grandparents house is inappropriate. Something that one grandparent can join in with while the other stays with the dog

https://www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk

Warn the grandparents that this is the plan and you will only be coming in if the dog is either obedient or crated.

I wouldn't go back to a house where a dog had bitten me in the face.
I certainly wouldn't expect a child to, either.

I would tell them; "No, we're not coming to your house any more because your dog has bitten my child in the face".
And leave it at that.
No further discussion.

Ugh, my in laws had a very excitable dog. First time I met it (at their house) it would NOT stop jumping up on me no matter how many times I told it down and it completely ignored its owner's commands too. I had a 1 year old at the time (who was at home when I first met the dog) and I wouldn't go round to theirs with my 1 year old after tha. The dog couldn't be left home alone either. In fairness perhaps this was normal/natural behaviour on the dog's part (I don't know anything about dogs, we were never allowed any pets growing up and my friends generally either had cats or no pets) but given that the dog didn't listen to its owner I wasn't willing to risk it as I'd either have to be stood holding my 1 year old the whole time we were there or not be able to intervene in time & risk an injury to my child. To me the intention of the dog (so to speak) was irrelevant I only cared about the risk to my child. Everyone (including DH, although he backed me up despite disagreeing & said we wouldn't visit because of the dog - he hadn't met the dog at this point) thought I was overreacting. As it happens they had to rehome the dog 2 years later because bit one of its owner to the extent a hospital visit and stitches were needed. The other IL wanted to keep the dog despite the stitches but luckily the bitten IL said no it has to go.

Hold firm and don't go. They need to control their dog.

This 100%. Please put your son's mental health above your parent's obstinacy. You are his mother after all

Your son is using his instinct, so good for him. Why would he actively put himself in danger with a predatory animal when he's a small child and has been injured before? How selfish are his grandparents?

All these dogs are a recipe for repeated disasters.

Mental? It's his physical health!

I wouldn't be seeing them again unless it's without the dog. It's pointless them saying "he won't hurt you" when it's already hurt your DS. I'm not surprised he's scared of it.

Are you afraid of your DS grandparents? I do not understand why you are even considering a visit when their dog has bitten your child and drawn blood. He is a small child. You are responsible for his well being. Act like a parent and listen to him.

excited pups are one thing excited dogs are another no matter how big or small. I know a chihuahua and i have one can be as bad as a great Dane. if they cannot and will not train and restrain their dog then they do not deserve a visit

Dog is now 2 and apparently untrained and can’t be left?! What is wrong with the grandparents? Either they come to you sans dog or they don’t get to see your child. What a completely ridiculous situation, no way would I take a child near the dog.

And when your child tells his teacher he’s scared of a dog that made him bleed and you made him see it again, will you be ok with that or a social services referral?

And likewise - God forbid - if the dog hurts him again and you’re getting him medical treatment will you disclose that it’s happened before? How do you think that will feel as a parent and what do you think social services and the police will think about it? Your child’s safety and wellbeing come above everything else including offended family who prioritise an animal over him.

The barest of minimums that should have happened when the animal bit your child's face was an immediate apology and intensive training for the dog, and it never being around a kid again.
Advocate for your child, these people have demonstrated they don't give a shit about him, so no need to visit them. Repeatedly remind them that it bit your kids face, to drive the message home.

Some people seem to completely lose the run of themselves when they get a dog. PIL's got a dog and all was ok as, although it was untrained, it was small and not too intimidating. Then they got another dog. Again, it wasn't properly trained, but it was also bigger, broader and more excitable. By turn, the first dog started going bonkers when we arrived, triggered by the other dog. DS2 (about 4 or 5 at the time the new dog was introduced) was utterly terrified. He was jumped on and scratched a couple of times and his grandparents made him feel like the fact he was frightened and physically injured was his problem. DP was not supportive at all because he has issues with trying to please his parents due to childhood trauma. The result was that DS2 became more disengaged with his grandparents and now they can't be arsed with him. It's basically love me, love my (fucking mental) dogs. I started dropping DP and DS1 - who was able to tolerate the dogs' behaviour in order to see his grandparents - at the house and taking DS2 to the park or the shops. Someone had to be on his side ffs.

Don't put this on your DS for being scared. Although he has every right to be scared - the bloody dog bit him.

You put this firmly on the dog. No way are you visiting - the dog is dangerous. It has bitten your DS and you aren't willing to risk putting DS or yourselves in danger.

No way would I let my ds anywhere near a dog that had bitten and drawn blood

grandparents need to put their grandson first not the dog

One of my DSs has a difficult relationship with excitable dogs due to being chased by one when he was very small. I actively encourage him to learn to interact with dogs rather than just cry and run away however if any dog actually bit him that would be a different story entirely.

Take a big stick to hit it with if it goes near your son - or get GPs to lock it away. Insisting you are a good girl and the GPs are being too soft with the dog etc