Do you try and educate your daughters the reality of life with a man?

[WTFisgoingon987]

I have had a few honest conversations with my early teen daughter about men, what some of them do to women. Some more serious decisions but mostly about the mental and physical load of running a house. Do others do similar? Any topics I should cover? I am disgusted with the men of the world at the moment. I feel like I need to bubble wrap my child to protect her.

Not all men are the same? Surely it's not a given more like "if it sounds like someone else always does his washing and cooking, he may well expect you to do that in future so bear that in mind when picking a life partner".

Surely it depends on the man. My DH does about five times the amount of housework I do.

I've spoken to my adult dd about sharing the load from the get go and not becoming the default grown up.

So sad - I have a brilliant dad and Dh is amazing too as are my sisters husbands. So it would be odd if I started telling our teens how awful men are as it’s just not our lived experience - plus would be pretty hurtful.

I don’t think it’s healthy to be filling your daughter’s head with negative thoughts about men from her early teens. There are many decent men out there too. At the same time it’s important to talk about sex and consent etc when she’s old enough.

No.
My daughter sees what a healthy and balanced relationship and home life looks like from observing me and her dad.
Just like I did, my first partner didn’t treat me the way my dad treated my mum so I got rid.
No discussion needed.

I talk to my male and female children about healthy relationships.

We talk about 'traditional relationships' and myths relating to how relationships are more equal now.

We talk about misogyny and misandry, and how false claims of misandry serve to uphold/sustain misogyny.

We talk about financial independence / dependence and managing finances within the context of relationships.

We talk about the concept of 'til death us do part' versus 'for as long as we make each other happy'.

We have lots of open discussions / debates, rather than me 'telling them'.

I had pretty good role models growing up in terms of how men treated women and what women expectations should look like. This had a huge influence on me in terms of what I should expect too.

I do hope that DD sees at home how a relationship between two partners work. I neither want to make a fuss out of it nor do I want to belittle it.

We talk about consent, what a healthy relationship is and how to set boundaries and ensure she is respected. But the most important thing is that she sees how this is lived at home.

I also have these conversation with my son. Yesterday I taught him about mental load. He's still a tween so no idea if it was effective. Results in a decade.

I would stress the importance of financial independence and security. You never want to be in the position where you are financially reliant on a man because it puts so many women in terrible situations. Women need to be free to leave bad relationships without worrying about the financial implications.

Like PPs, my daughter and son have had good relationships modelled for them since birth.

Great grandmothers, aunts, grandmothers and me all married to good men who, especially in DHs case, do more than their fair share and treat women well.

I think this is far more effective than trying to tell them what to look for in a partner or how to treat one.

It’s definitely an ongoing conversation, a lot based on what she sees in the media. The main thing I talk to her about other than consent is having a career, and always being able to support herself.

I have had conversations about consent with both my son and daughter. As my son went off to uni I focused more on drunken consent asking him to try and wait until the next day and check a girl still feels the same before doing anything.
As I don’t feel this is something that can be picked up from role models.

I agree the role modeling is the most important. I had terrible role models, and as a SAHM I feel like I have not being great.

I haven't yet. My children are 14 and 12, son and daughter. I think it would be a good idea to talk to them both about relationships in general. I wouldn't start from the position that men are often shit, because to be honest, that hasn't been my experience in life. But I'd have a chat with them both about healthy relationships and what they should look for in a partner.

I think kids learn more from what they see and experience than from what you tell them. It's important to model supportive, balanced and equal relationships where both partners pull their weight, and not just talk about them.

If children grow up in a loving and respectful environment where the workload is split equally, they will regard this as the norm and expect no less. If you teach your child about equality but don't insist on it in your own relationship, then they will draw their own conclusions.

TBH with my DD it isn’t about chores and sharing mental load. It is about maintaining her independence, ensure she works, always have her own money and if she did decide in the future to sah ensure she is married, has a pension and not place herself in a vulnerable position. Value herself and don’t tolerate or accept shitty behaviour and ensure her bar is set high

DH had a dad who did the bulk of childcare & house stuff because his mum was the breadwinner. This has made my life so much easier because it’s completely normal for him to share the load.

Definitely to be financially independent

I have two DDs ( 24&20) and my DH has always been a great husband and father so no I haven’t warned about men. They are well aware there are different types of me out there but they have had the best example and that is the best experience that will colour their outlook. Funnily enough we were talking over dinner about split of chores . I said I was happy to do more when I was a sahm and then part time but as soon as I was full time it’s 50/50. DH always came home from work and got stuck in. If he was a twat he wouldn’t be my DH.
DD1 lives away and is fully independent and DD 2 is still with us but working and being financially savvy with her money( pensions and investments).

I think this is far more effective than trying to tell them what to look for in a partner or how to treat one.

Humble brag..! What if a family aren't in that position?

Mines only 3 so it's not really appropriate. But what I do is model healthy behaviours in a relationship. Her dad (my DH) does the same. We show her what she should be expecting from a relationship. When she's older we'll talk about what she wants from a life and what she needs to do for herself and look for in a partner, should she want one.