Do you try and educate your daughters the reality of life with a man?

[WTFisgoingon987]

I have had a few honest conversations with my early teen daughter about men, what some of them do to women. Some more serious decisions but mostly about the mental and physical load of running a house. Do others do similar? Any topics I should cover? I am disgusted with the men of the world at the moment. I feel like I need to bubble wrap my child to protect her.

This is why teaching girls to be financially independent is so important. It doesn't prevent bad relationships but it definitely makes it much easier for them to walk away.

Don't you think we should be educating sons not to be dicks like this rather than telling girls that they are going to have to suck it up because 'thats just the way men are'?

Talk about self harming.

Not everyone is able to find work which pays enough to support a family and a mortgage on one income. That’s really what being financially independent means.

So you tailor your life to one you can sustain yourself if necessary.

Not everyone can but teaching girls to think about what they want fir themselves and making choices about education and employment gives them a much better chance of having a reasons income in later life.

Yes, I know that's what it means, I'm not sure why you feel the need to explain it.

And yes, I have encouraged my dd to think about how she can be financially independent, as I have been, and her chosen career will probably facilitate this. I do appreciate that this isn't easy for everyone, but we can at least help our children to think about the choices that they're making and the likely implications of these.

We were watching a film the other day, I forget which, but DD turned to DS and said "don't you dare ever treat a woman like that". I replied to DD "and you never accept treatment like that!".

So I guess never a sit down lecture, but everyday comments, maybe.

About relationships in general, including friendships, to quote Taylor Swift, ‘Puttin’ someone first only works when you’re in their top five.’ If you prefer Maya Angelou, ‘never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.’

Not about specific men but about being a woman in a world that was built to work for and around men and their needs, always protect and promote your financial interests because for women, money = freedom. That message has come down through my grandmother and mother too and it’s stayed relevant.

As a mum of boys I educated them about the reality of being a grown up. We had no man in the house for most of the time so no bad examples. It's fair to say that all 3 of them do equal to slightly more of the life admin stuff, support their wives/ gf in everything, from careers to health, equal parenting for the 2 that are parents, and basically do what men are supposed to do.
Their daughters will never settle for less, whether their partners are male or female.

Same.

@fishyrumour "I talk to my son about fairness. He does a lot of the cooking and housework, for instance. He also voluntarily started paying more of the bills with his girlfriend when his pay went up. I'm very proud of him"

The fact that you're proud of him means that most men are not like this. Which kind of proves the point.

Found it depressing how women have fawned over Dh who basically behaves like a decent person and pulls his weight and prioritises his family. Like pretty much most women basically but a women behaving like this is expected and unremarkable.

Oh god yes to this! My DH is considered superman by some of the school run mums........because he does the school run 60% of the time which includes our toddler 🙄

I have no idea why some women's expectations are so low!

I'm not disagreeing with you at all. It's just that a) I think it's as important to bring up boys as decent humans as well as teaching girls to spot red flags and b) his dad hasn't been like that but it's still possible for the next generation. I don't want the OP to think it's entirely hopeless!

My mother told me what to look out for in a man..

1. Lived on their own or with friends and was capable of cooking and cleaning

1. No gambling

1. But equally not tight - wants to share his money or resources with those close to him

And I followed her advice and am happily married to a man that has all of these qualities.

Not all men are lazy and useless and even though it's good to warn your daughter of those who are it's equally important not to paint them all with the same brush.

Dd has seen what life is like as a married couple for her whole life, from me and dh. She has also seen and experienced relationships via other family and friends.

Fortunately, the majority of those relationships are healthy happy ones where both parties take an active role in the household and treat their partners with mutual respect and love.

Dd, as a young adult, is aware that not all men are nice - obviously. I haven't hid that from her and, both dh and I, have tried to ensure she knows what she should be looking for in her relationships and the types of behaviours that are unacceptable.

. Some more serious decisions but mostly about the mental and physical load of running a house.

I have always involved my sons in all aspects of household support, in an age appropriate way.

They also had a Dad who did 50% of all cleaning, household admin, buying presents for children’s parties, calling school when necessary, sick days, caring for neighbours etc etc. My boys would never imagine another way of living.

And if I had a Dd she would know that we don’t choose men if we have to accommodate any ‘reality’ of life with men. Or women, for that matter.

@Scottishskifun it isn't always that their expectations are so low it's also their lived experience.

The amount of women who give DH the "oh what a good dad" face just because he acts like a parent and not like he's doing mum a favour is amazing. Makes me wonder what they put up with at home.