Do you regret moving in retirement?

[Gangangoose]

DH and I are both retired, mid 60s. We have 3 children, one lives in a city around 30 mins away and two live a 1.5 hour drive away (different places).

We live in the fairly big four bed we raised our family in in a friendly but quiet village. We get on well with our neighbours and have local friends, although our closest friends are a drive away. We are very reliant on our car. The nearest high street with a cafe, a few shops and a doctors etc is an hours walk away and the nearest station and supermarket is at least 20 minutes in the car.

DH is keen to try something new in retirement and he and DC1 (who lives in the city half an hour away) both think we should move to this city. We’d be able to swap our house for a 2/3 bed terrace and could walk to our grandchildren, as well as to a supermarket, leisure centre, cinema, cafes etc. We could also walk to a station with a good connection to London which would be very useful for visiting DCs 2 and 3.

I can see the value in moving somewhere with more to do and where we are not reliant on our cars. I can find where we live a bit boring and cliquey. However, it is also where we raised our children. We know so many people here and have such a safety net. I love our house and would be very sad to see it go.

Has anyone else made a similar decision? Did you regret it or was it worthwhile?

I moved three years ago (I’m 64) to a market town, I can walk to GP, shops, cinema, unfortunately the station is outside the town but with a taxi/car/lift from a friend it’s only an hour to London. I deliberately chose a modern semi with a downstairs loo, rather than a beautiful listed building with narrow steep stairs.

I was able to release enough money to have the house done exactly as I want it, and I absolutely love living here. Everything I’ve had done has been with a view to it being easy to maintain and to reducing my bills in the long-term. Neighbours come and go, yes people post on here about bad experiences, but I honestly think they are a minority; people don’t bother to post about the lovely neighbours they have!

I wasn’t in a rural area, but I had few connections locally as I’d been working full-time. I miss my large garden and apple trees, but honestly it’s a relief not to have to cut so much grass, and think about all the jobs that need doing. I still have a garden, just on a smaller scale.

You do have to make a real effort to get to know people; join local groups, volunteer, get involved in hobbies and so on. It takes time, but now I rarely walk through town without seeing someone I know. I’m hoping to be here for at least 20 years.

I've never lived rurally and am not at this stage of life, but the prospect of living somewhere isolated, reliant for everything on a car I might not be able to safely drive, terrifies me.

ExFiL died two and a half years ago. When he was alive his (second) wife kept badgering him about moving to the country. There's a scheme to give up a house in London to move to a council house somewhere else. ExFiL humoured her, went to see various places but always gave a reasonable excuse to turn them down. (Some of these places were out back & beyond, ExFiL was a born & bred Londoner, he didn't want to move!)

Anyway, he died suddenly and about three months later his wife moved out to deepest darkest Essex. She demands to see our DD, then 16, because they were a part of each others lives for so long. To get to her house meant:

Public transport to Stratford east London from our flat 30 mins
Train to the station: 80 minutes
Bus to somewhere nearby: 20 minutes
Walk for 15 minutes.

She wasn't going to pick us up. DD was too green at the time to make such a journey alone. And a day return on the train for all of us was £110!

Second Wife complained that nobody was visiting, but I said, well, she chose to live there! She would say, it's quiet here, and, I have to go a long way to do my hobbies, and I thought, you had friends and a community in London & you chose to give it up for somewhere that doesn't know you, why are you surprised?

I do think that the old idea of retirement in the country is old hat now, when you can access everything you need as a senior in a larger town or city which much better ease. Good luck with your move, OP.

I've been gently suggesting to my parents to maybe move closer to us (we're an hour away). They are both early 70s. They do live in a town, but the garden is big so becoming unmanageable and my sibling will be moving a long way away. They were considering it.

Unfortunately another relation has just had a major, sudden, downturn in health and my parents are having to support them completely. And the relation lives an hour further away in another direction. Any plans they may have considered are very much on hold for the foreseeable.

What it has highlighted to me is when the shit hits the fan family pull together.
Friends can play a good part and help, but it's family that step up in most cases with when it's something extremely serious.

A difficult dilemma OP and I do sympathise.

However, you say on one hand you’ve got a safety net in the village you’re in but on the other hand you say it’s cliquey, This is ever so slightly contradictory. If it was a true safety net you wouldn’t have an issue with cliqueyness.

The thing I’d consider is this - you like the village now - it’s pleasant enough. But say in 20 years’ time when you’re in your mid 80s - will you look back and feel while it’s ’nice’ enough - and a lot of people would be grateful to live there - it’s also a bit stale and you wish you’d moved to the livelier place your DS1 suggests - which’ll bring broader horizons and new challenges?

i mean I’m sure it’s pleasant enough in your village now - but 20 more years of it ?

This. By observing others, parents included, there seems to be a smallish window when you are keen and able to move. That moment can pass as soon as health conditions appear.

Advice from a GP in North Wales: don't move to am area where you have no friends. As soon as one of you does you'll be alone on a strange place.

This GP has lots of patients who are very lonely and regret moving to the very beautiful area.

Moving near family is also problematic. What if they move?

Being near shops and people you know is useful! A smaller house might be smaller but consider energy ratings and layout for comparing heating costs.

My mum's concern was getting to an age she couldn't drive safely and how isolated she'd be where she lived as shops all disappeared. So she moved to be nearer shops and people.
It's not ideal but works. She has one odd neighbour but other people on her street are friendly.

This is so true

I saw this happen with my Dad. He made noises about moving to a different city and selling a large 4 bedroom house - so presumably would downsize

However - he was 80 when he considered this - didn’t manage the move and this was the age when his health was on the turn

He then let the large house get neglected and very unpleasant to be in - cooker doesn’t work / garage door doesn’t work / smelly /unhygienic , and ended up going into a care home aged 82 after a fall

when I said to his friend - “you know, I feel if Dad had moved to a smaller flat. he couldn’t lived independently for longer” - as smaller accommodation = less mental stress

his friend replied something like - … “the move would’ve been beneficial when he was younger, perhaps. but not at the age and health stage he was at”

From everything I read on here they are great for the person that lives in them but then can be very hard to resell and carry on racking up large service charges every month.

This is a very useful and interesting post. When I was sorting out my Dad’s admin after he died. I’d noticed he’d written a letter to his GP to get his opinion on whether he should move 200 miles to be near me! I was surprised at this because I thought - why on earth is he asking his GP to help him make a lifestyle decision? But that was naive of me - I now immediately see why.

when my Dad was thinking of moving I was thinking what you’ve mentioned - what if I moved with a job etc ? But then I would think that parents would factor that risk into the equation

My parents and my in laws have done this recently. In-laws was more to downsize n sent. My parents was to move into the big ish town from a remote location. Both are so happy. It’s exciting for my parents to be able to walk to a restaurant and to church. Both houses are newer, smaller and easy to heat and clean.

Your very vlast sentence sums up how much less stressed my Dad would’ve been if he’d made the move

@AmazingGraze depends what you mean by transport links and where too ? It's on the train so you can get to Bath /bradford on Avon/ Bruton/ Salisbury / - London ( although longer than Bath connection ) - it's on bus to Bath every40 minutes and other places too - you can get the bus back at midnight from Bath to Frome etc!! Driving , it's either up via Chippenham to M4 or A303 ( very close) if going to London/Devon etc

It's not as convenient and well connected as Bath or say Chippenham but also you get a lot more for your money -

We have retired but are young retirees in our fifties. We plan to move though we live in an ideal ex mill/market town with everything within walking distance and brilliant bus routes at the end of our road. But we want to actually move house and there is hardly anything that ever comes up that we like. Our area has become gentrified and also has a fast train line to London so prices are crazy, our house has gone up 400%. If we move around 30 mins North we get far more bang for our buck plus it does mean we can still see local friends. One spanner in the works is DS had his entire future planned with his long term GF but she finished with him a couple of weeks ago. How much do you plan round your children as they can move. Both DH and I relocated and more than once. It’s when they have they own children they are more likely to settle. DS is not at that life stage yet and is now further back.

@helpmyback Missing the point of the thread but I am intrigued how you can walk to a high street if you live in a village? Is that a long walk through the countryside?
Villages vary. Mine is tiny and has nothing but a church.
The next village is big enough for a pub, doctor surgery, takeaway and a couple of shops. The bigger village has a "high street".

A few comments on the cost. In most areas bungalows cost more than houses. I live in Lincolnshire in an area where houses don't sell very easily but bungalows are snapped up.
I wouldn't want to move from a 4 bed detached to a tiny flat or bungalow and we wouldn't be downsizing to raise money, more to age proof our home. So not so much a downsize as a sideways move. I would hate a city so my ideal would be a larger village or a small market town. It needn't be a bungalow but a ground floor shower room or scope to put one in would work. Enough garden to enjoy but not to be overwhelming as my current one would be.

@FrenchandSaunders I don't think my DC would mind what we did, in fact they encourage it, but they don't have children. I guess for those who do childcare it would be a factor.

I know someone who was a carer for a while for the elderly. The area she covered was quite wealthy. Many of her clients lived alone in huge houses where they only used a few rooms. Many of them had no family living nearby . The rest of the house I imagine was left to get damp and the running costs must have been enormous. I also have a friend whose father died in his nineties still living in the large family house. He refused to countenance leaving it and managed to live there with a cleaner until he died . His daughter managed lots of things for him though and that made a difference . You just can’t tell how age will take someone.

I live rurally - car essential as nearest shops around 5 miles away and no public transport. I feel emotionally tied to where I live, the space, lack of close neighbours, wildlife, etc. But without outside help it wouldn’t be possible in later years, and it would be sad not to maintain or enjoy things or see things go to ruin. Just started to contemplate a move but when I look to see what’s available, everything I like is way beyond price range. Heart vs head as a PP said.

We live in a bungalow on the outskirts of a smallish market town and need our cars due to lack of public transport and pavements to walk safely on. Our plan is to move closer into town into a smaller place, ideally a flat with no garden to maintain and be able to walk or use a mobility scooter to get to where we need to go. The difficulty will be finding a flat that isn't a retirement flat with obscene service charges!

Some great tips here. I do want to add though that friends of my parents moved from rural to market town near great amenities and didn’t need to use their car much. They soon lost confidence with driving, particularly long distance/motorways.

I hope my mum moves to my small city in the future. She lives about an hour away but I don't see her as much as I used to, due to me working more hours and her not wanting to travel as often. She's in her early eighties and fit and healthy and she has friends where she lives and no friends where I live.
However, she says she doesn't see those friends as often now, and some of them have declined in health. I won't be able to meet with her and help her as much as I'd like to unless she moves, as she'll be heading towards 100 before I retire!
I think you should do what feels right - perhaps now is not the right time but you'll know when that time comes?

I never understand why retired people buy houses and not bungalows, we both retired a year ago fit and healthy - a year later both knocked for 6. Thank God we are single story.

Bungalows are in very short supply in many areas and cost more than similar sized houses.
I'd prefer a bungalow because you can use the rooms flexibly. Bedrooms can be sitting room or study. Obviously you can do the same in a house but it's not quite the same.

Strangely the health service might disagree with you - keeping going up and down stairs is great for elderly health and the vast majority of people won't "need" a bungalow

But moving now rather than when you can no longer drive seems very sensible !

My mother says she believes once you stop using stairs you decline fast. It’s worked for her.. so far.

Yes definitely not Macarty Stone. Very hard to sell plus an institutional type lifestyle isn't for everyone