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Original poster

Do you regret moving in retirement?

155 replies

Gangangoose · 21/12/2024 13:01

DH and I are both retired, mid 60s. We have 3 children, one lives in a city around 30 mins away and two live a 1.5 hour drive away (different places).

We live in the fairly big four bed we raised our family in in a friendly but quiet village. We get on well with our neighbours and have local friends, although our closest friends are a drive away. We are very reliant on our car. The nearest high street with a cafe, a few shops and a doctors etc is an hours walk away and the nearest station and supermarket is at least 20 minutes in the car.

DH is keen to try something new in retirement and he and DC1 (who lives in the city half an hour away) both think we should move to this city. We’d be able to swap our house for a 2/3 bed terrace and could walk to our grandchildren, as well as to a supermarket, leisure centre, cinema, cafes etc. We could also walk to a station with a good connection to London which would be very useful for visiting DCs 2 and 3.

I can see the value in moving somewhere with more to do and where we are not reliant on our cars. I can find where we live a bit boring and cliquey. However, it is also where we raised our children. We know so many people here and have such a safety net. I love our house and would be very sad to see it go.

Has anyone else made a similar decision? Did you regret it or was it worthwhile?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 21/12/2024 13:04

Place marking as me and DH are in pretty much the exact situation, except the Dr is a 15 min drive away. No buses here apart from one on Thursday morning that returns 2 hours later. Not even long enough to meet someone for lunch in the City it goes to.

Original poster
Gangangoose · 21/12/2024 13:17

@thenightsky It is very hard. We were recently without our car for a week and realised quite how reliant on it we are. We do have buses too but not hugely regular and they stop pretty early in the day.

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 21/12/2024 13:18

We are approaching retirement. We live in DH's hometown which is on the outskirts of London. We are within walking distance of our jobs, the pub, the doctor, the dentist, even a small hospital. A lot of DH's (and now my) mates still live here as well as some of DH's family and we've lived in this house for nigh-on 25 years as have our neighbours so we have a real network. I have a car but it gets used so rarely we had to buy a battery charger for it!

We've talked about it a lot but eventually decided to stay put.

We did live rurally for a few years for work but although we loved it and had lots of friends, I couldn't wait to get back to streetlights!

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MumChp · 21/12/2024 13:19

My parents did two years ago.
They are so happy they did!

Papyrophile · 21/12/2024 13:20

Another placemarker as we wonder similar thoughts. Interested to read all the responses.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2024 13:24

I am not a million miles off retirement. DP has gone part time. We moved from a small market town to a small city a couple of years ago and I wish we had done it sooner. City centre shops are 8 minutes walk away, doctor is a 5 minute drive / 20 minute walk, cinemas, theatre, restaurants, museum, library all 10 minutes walk away. We absolutely love it. I will mention that we have a LOVELY local pub that’s 5 minutes walk away- and that’s not even the closest!

my car hardly moves from one week to the next and DP is selling his. We walk everywhere and feel fitter for it.

Obviously that’s only my experience but we don’t regret it for a second.

twistyizzy · 21/12/2024 13:25

My parents did this. We settled a 2 hour drive North from them and DD is their only grandchild. They had a 4 storey Edwardian house in a rural area and needed to downsize due to cost of running it + at 70yrs old my mum was diagnosed with Parkinson's. A bungalow near them was out of their price range so during lockdown they moved to a bungalow a 5 min drive from us. Walking distance of shops, doctors etc and on bus route for larger towns.
They haven't regretted it at all, it has eased their older years and mum's deteriorating mobility. We see them weekly and it gives me peace of mind that they are close by.

rookiemere · 21/12/2024 13:25

I haven't done it, but I think it's an incredibly smart move to future proof yourselves for when you are older so you don't need to drive and have services and shops within walking distance.

Facecream24 · 21/12/2024 13:25

I’m the child of someone who chose not to move at that point in life and I wish they did as now 10 years later DDad is dead and DM living alone in a house too big and too far away. Can no longer drive and is pretty isolated other than a couple of neighbours and extended family. I’m an hour drive away and see her every couple of weeks but if she was a 5 mins walk away this would be a lot more and if she’d moved 10 years ago she’d already have built up a community. If your kid is likely to stay in that city and not move I’d be moving there in a heartbeat and trade the safety net now for one that’s likely to be much more needed in another decade.

GrumpyMuleFan · 21/12/2024 13:31

We are planning a move too! Very similar reasons but we are c10 years behind you and DC will move to new schools.

Weve decided what suits teens is very similar to what suits retirees. Want to walk into town, doctors, shops, clubs, cinema, coffee shops. Railway station on hand and being part of a larger community.

I think doing this when you have time in hand (hopefully) to enjoy it and make new friends. Has to be better than doing later in life.

Very interesting to see what others’ think.

OP - when you think about the move, what are the negatives that pop up in your mind?

BalladOfBarry · 21/12/2024 13:32

rookiemere · 21/12/2024 13:25

I haven't done it, but I think it's an incredibly smart move to future proof yourselves for when you are older so you don't need to drive and have services and shops within walking distance.

I'm the same. Head says we should move.
Heart says no.
It's a quandary.

Our house is lovely. Spaced away from neighbours, private garden, plenty of parking.

Seeing all the threads on here about parking and horrible neighbours scares me.

Original poster
Gangangoose · 21/12/2024 13:34

Wow thanks for all the replies!

Negatives are mainly the loss of our home and our community. The former is somewhere I’ve loved for many years and where my DC like returning to. It has space to host everyone and a garden we’ve worked very hard on. We feel very safe, have good neighbours and, fingers crossed, it shouldn’t need any major work within our lifetime. The latter is something we’ve built over 30 years. Whilst we don’t necessarily have best friends here we do know a lot of people and have a lot of connections. DH and DC1 point out that we might make even better connections somewhere new…

OP posts:
GrumpyMuleFan · 21/12/2024 13:35

One thing that troubles me is stamp duty. Moving is expensive enough already.

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 13:35

We moved abd its great. I don't need to drive anywhere. Great public transport. Easy to get round the shops loads going on

Original poster
Gangangoose · 21/12/2024 13:35

@BalladOfBarry the thought of bad neighbours worries me too. We live on a quiet road with very nice, conscientious and easy going neighbours and it certainly makes life easier.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 21/12/2024 13:36

Seeing all the threads on here about parking and horrible neighbours scares me.

That's how I feel. We have brilliant neighbours and our own drives onto a small close of just 7 houses. When any of us go away on holiday etc, we let each other know so they can use our drive for visitor parking. All very civilised.

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 13:36

Gangangoose · 21/12/2024 13:35

@BalladOfBarry the thought of bad neighbours worries me too. We live on a quiet road with very nice, conscientious and easy going neighbours and it certainly makes life easier.

Your neighbours could move and some horrible ones move in

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 21/12/2024 13:38

No but like another poster, this house would work for being carless- we are walking distance to the train station, a supermarket, hairdressers and chemist, bus to the local hospital goes from round the corner. It’s one reason we don’t think we will move from here when the kids leave home, or downsize to a flat within this area.

in your situation I’d say do it sooner rather than later and work at building your friendship group.

Middlemarch123 · 21/12/2024 13:41

Facecream24 · 21/12/2024 13:25

I’m the child of someone who chose not to move at that point in life and I wish they did as now 10 years later DDad is dead and DM living alone in a house too big and too far away. Can no longer drive and is pretty isolated other than a couple of neighbours and extended family. I’m an hour drive away and see her every couple of weeks but if she was a 5 mins walk away this would be a lot more and if she’d moved 10 years ago she’d already have built up a community. If your kid is likely to stay in that city and not move I’d be moving there in a heartbeat and trade the safety net now for one that’s likely to be much more needed in another decade.

I can only echo this. I’m the only child of elderly parents, both of whom sadly died. They were both in their late 80s when they passed. Lived in a large four bed house, where they’d been forty years. Spoke since their late sixties about downsizing to a bungalow, but kept putting it off. Dad died first and mum became frail and refused carers or family helping, so relied solely on me. She was adamant that she wouldn’t move to a bungalow, but struggled to manage the stairs. I was living on my nerves and always checking in on her. Anyway, she passed earlier this year, and me and adult kids are still clearing forty years of clutter months later. All of this could have been avoided. I totally get that they were so attached to their home, but it has caused us so much work and stress at a difficult and sad time.
I will downsize myself before my late sixties, rather than put my kids through similar.

ajandjjmum · 21/12/2024 13:46

We're in a similar position and age group - just waiting for our DC to settle before we decide where we might choose to be. It will be within 20 miles of where we are, so friends will still be reachable.

However, we have three elderly family members - a couple who moved in to a retirement estate in their early sixties, which they have loved. However it is isolated, and with their various health problems now their mid 80's, neither of them able to drive, they are left with a bus once a week into the local village - otherwise they are reliant on lifts and taxis.

My 90 year old Aunt moved 2/3 years ago from her home of 60 years, into a retirement property (the dreaded McCarthy and Stone - I know we'll have the hassle eventually!), and she has settled into her little one-bed flat beautifully and made lots of new friends. It is a joy to see the quality of life that she has in her latter years.

DaphneduM · 21/12/2024 13:47

We'd lived in the same cottage for 30 years - in a lovely rural village. It had a very large garden with an orchard, and there was no way you could manage unless you drove everywhere. Our only daughter lived two hours away at the time.

Mid-sixties we started re-appraising things and coincidentally our daughter also asked us if we'd consider moving nearer to her. We've now been at our new location for five very happy years. Modern, light, spacious house with a small garden. In a lovely village with pub, shop, fish and chip shop. Buses to the nearest city virtually outside our house. GP, dentist, supermarkets all within a short bus journey too. Our daughter is now 20 minutes away (they're in a very built-up urban environment which wouldn't have suited us). I get to see my grandchildren regularly, are on hand to help out when needed, we have lovely neighbours and most importantly have peace of mind that as we get older we will have our family near.

I have a wealthy widowed friend who stayed put in a very rural area and is now struggling. I feel very sorry for her son who has the responsibility of trying to keep her show on the road while he is London based - nightmare.

I admit to a pang of nostalgia when I saw Monty Don juicing apples on Gardeners World - that used to be us!!! But I don't miss driving through windy narrow lanes, doing the annual battle with various rodent types trying to infiltrate the house or my very unpleasant neighbour!!!!!

It was a win financially too - a move to a much cheaper area which liberated some cash which we gave to our daughter. So relieved and happy that we accomplished it.

Lillixyng · 21/12/2024 13:52

I would do it in a heartbeat. You are young and healthy now and have plenty of time to find just the right place. I have excellent transport links, GP, Hospital, shops and country park all with in 5 minutes. We gave up our car when we reached 70. Now approaching our 80s we are relying more and more on Uber.

My health has deteriorated in the past two years and I am more confined to where ii can go. My advice would be ‘do not make being close to family the top priority. They could move away and there is a lot of truth in the saying a ‘ a little distance makes the heart grow fonder’. Instead find an area where there are plenty of leisure things to do. Cinemas, theatres, good shops, public transport, leisure centres and open spaces.

2ndtimefinances · 21/12/2024 13:53

I keep thinking about this, down sizing & moving, I want the coast but Wang good transport links. Releasing equity & being able to retire sooner (early 50's) as I will always be a carer as well, but other child is still at uni & obviously doesn't know where they will settle. By the time they do settle anywhere I won't financially need to relocate - going round & round in circles

AmusedMaker · 21/12/2024 13:54

Similar situation but we have decided to stay where we are.( London suburb )
Amenities are very good, transport great, etc etc.
plus I’d worry we wouldn’t like it once the novelty had worn off.
But, we have our children very close by which of course makes a difference.
Down sizing would free up so much money though I totally understand why people do it.

RandomMusing · 21/12/2024 14:02

PIL are mid 70's and have just done this, it's been hard and probably would have been better to do it 5 years ago. However, both are really pleased they've made the move. They are putting themselves out to join clubs and activities like the university and fitness groups so are finding some friends locally. If you didn't do something like this I can imagine it would be quite isolating. They moved as the public transport wasn't great, now they're central and can reach most things by foot.

My parents have left it too late to move and are stuck in a house they can't manage.