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If you live in a different country to your birth - cultural norms you find odd?

327 replies

Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 09:29

I am South African originally. As I was dropping DS (13) at his activity last night at 7pm, knowing I'd be picking him at 8:30, I was thinking how I just don't think I'm ever going to get used to the lateness of things for children in this country. I honestly don't think i was out of the house after 6:30 on a school night, ever, until I was about 16!!! Admittedly, we also started our days much earlier - school start was 8:05 I think.

And I admit, I find it even odder because you change your clocks so that it gets light earlier and dark earlier. And certainly where we are (SE England), everything happens LATER, not earlier. I'm also from Cape Town though so to be fair, it gets light much later so getting up in the dark was a pretty normal event in winter for us.

Does anyone else have anything like this that they find odd? Light please - I'm not looking to bash any other cultures just note the differences! Grin

OP posts:
ACatNamedRobin · 13/12/2024 09:34

Coming from Continental Europe - a former communist country where women and men worked equally (e.g. maternity leave of 3-6 months, fully state sponsored crèches): SAHMs (stay at home mothers) in the British isles.

I remember reading this - the word - at 17 - and thinking "but why ? We are all people, we work, in a society? What is the difference between women and men in this country that we don't have at home??"

Latenightreader · 13/12/2024 09:43

I lived in Canada for a little while (Vancouver) and I was completely thrown by people driving 3+ hours to go shopping for a couple of hours - then driving home afterwards! The sheer scale of the country took a long while to understand.

Babbitbaddit · 13/12/2024 09:44

Wearing shoes inside the house. I think it’s gross

LadyAmroth · 13/12/2024 09:54

Pillows are crap where I live. I have to order from the UK or buy in a third country. It's like people here want to be uncomfortable.

SplendidUtterly · 13/12/2024 09:57

Babbitbaddit · 13/12/2024 09:44

Wearing shoes inside the house. I think it’s gross

It is gross.

turkeyboots · 13/12/2024 10:08

Funerals. As an Irish person I'll go to funerals of friends parents, colleagues family etc. My mother has sent me to funerals on her behalf and I'd know none of the other people. It's totally normal here, not so much in England.

Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 10:10

Latenightreader · 13/12/2024 09:43

I lived in Canada for a little while (Vancouver) and I was completely thrown by people driving 3+ hours to go shopping for a couple of hours - then driving home afterwards! The sheer scale of the country took a long while to understand.

Funny, I have a version of this here - I find it mindblowing that Devon, for example, is not exactly a milliion miles away but it FEELS like it is. I used to drive almost 1000km to uni, and we'd come back for weekends! Grin

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 10:12

turkeyboots · 13/12/2024 10:08

Funerals. As an Irish person I'll go to funerals of friends parents, colleagues family etc. My mother has sent me to funerals on her behalf and I'd know none of the other people. It's totally normal here, not so much in England.

Oh yes, I find this a bit odd too. that you have to be invited to funerals often. I find it quite hard to navigate as I'm at that age now where sadly some of my friends' parents are passing away. At home, I woudln't think twice about turning up at the funeral of a friend's mum, even if I didn't know her well, as a way to support my friend. Here it feels like a bit of a minefield navigating it appropriately.

OP posts:
SharpLily · 13/12/2024 10:15

I live in Spain and have done most of my life but wasn't born here. Spanish people dress for the calendar rather than the weather. If it's January, for example, they will wear full length fur coats and furry winter boots even if the thermometer reads 28C. It's not to do with being accustomed to hotter weather, it's just the cultural norm that your clothes are dictated by the calendar rather than the circumstances.

MiddleAgedDread · 13/12/2024 10:17

turkeyboots · 13/12/2024 10:08

Funerals. As an Irish person I'll go to funerals of friends parents, colleagues family etc. My mother has sent me to funerals on her behalf and I'd know none of the other people. It's totally normal here, not so much in England.

oh gosh, I worked in Ireland for a while and we used to get emails around the entire company (think hundreds if not 1000 people!) with funeral notifications for the extended family of a member of staff. In the UK it would be for a member of staff only.

MademoiselleFrenglish · 13/12/2024 10:19

LadyAmroth · 13/12/2024 09:54

Pillows are crap where I live. I have to order from the UK or buy in a third country. It's like people here want to be uncomfortable.

Are you in France? 😂 I always have to buy mine on Amazon. I just can't deal with the square ones, I need rectangle!

Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 10:24

MademoiselleFrenglish · 13/12/2024 10:19

Are you in France? 😂 I always have to buy mine on Amazon. I just can't deal with the square ones, I need rectangle!

Or Germany.

America on the other hand... oh my god, the pillows are amazing. To this day DH and I regret not taking our hotel up on the offer to buy new versions of the pillows in the hotel. And we can't remember what hotel it was to track them down! Grin In retrospect, I suspect they do that because of all the Europeans who turn up going, "oh wow, this is what a pillow is supposed to be" and it's a nice little additional money spinner for them!

OP posts:
FranklyMyDears · 13/12/2024 10:26

I lived in different parts of England for almost 25 years (not originally from the UK). Things I remember registering are

many English people seem very uneasy around death and bereavement, as though it's a somewhat embarrassing thing that only happens to an unfortunate minority. I was really shocked in a couple of workplaces by people not condoling with someone just returned from leave after a parent died, and a neighbour saying people crossed the road to avoid her after she'd lost her dad because they 'didn't know what to say'. See also 'children not routinely at funerals', which must encourage this tendency

anthropomorphising pet animals

approval of the royal family: I'm particularly bewildered by visibly poor people camping out overnight on royal wedding/funeral/coronation routes and waving little flags and buying souvenir mugs, when anger and disbelief would seem a more natural response. (I understand that they're just a longrunning national soap opera, too, but surely it would be possible to have debates about adultery and turnip toffs and pegging etc without subsidising them quite so heavily?)

attitudes to emigration: it seems to be seen as a selfish and weirdly anomalous decision, and to always be about choosing a sunny climate over your family and friends. In other countries I've lived in, living abroad for an extended period of time is an entirely usual thing, and not some unilateral decision that the other country is 'better'

a slightly odd attitude to general knowledge: perhaps because A-levels involve you specialising so young, and dropping what would be core subjects in other educational jurisdictions. A significant minority of people seem to lack a lot of basics in terms of things like broad-outline history and geography, and then say 'Oh, we only did the Tudors and the Nazis'

class: people seem very invested in denying it's still a thing, but I don't see politicians like Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg as having the careers they did/do without being 'eccentric posh boys'. There is no possible WC version of either.

education: there's a real cultural anxiety about 'good schools'. Elsewhere I've lived it's been the norm for everyone apart from children with SEN to just go to the nearest school and receive an education that's broadly 'fine' and in line with other schools nationally. No Ofsted inspection reports being pored over, no private options, far less anxiety about it all.

property ownership: I absolutely understand that this is to a large extent because renting is expensive and insecure (I only bought a flat in England because I hadn't been able to stay longer than a year in anywhere I'd rented), but the expression 'the property ladder' always strikes me, because of the way it implies something you're supposed to climb to get somewhere, and the way it seems to damn those who haven't even managed to climb onto the bottom rung as not having arrived in life.

so many of you are incredibly critical of your own country: I get that it's currently not in a good place in many ways, but I generally thought it was a great place to live in many ways, you punch above your weight culturally and always have, and London is a wonderful city, and the network of field paths and rights of way was a total delight and something I still miss.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/12/2024 10:28

The driving culture in America. My fil will drive from one shop to the other in a strip mall to avoid walking. We lived there for a while, going for a walk is a 'hike'.

greenblueredyellowviolet · 13/12/2024 10:32

LadyAmroth · 13/12/2024 09:54

Pillows are crap where I live. I have to order from the UK or buy in a third country. It's like people here want to be uncomfortable.

Are you in Germany???

Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 10:33

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/12/2024 10:28

The driving culture in America. My fil will drive from one shop to the other in a strip mall to avoid walking. We lived there for a while, going for a walk is a 'hike'.

Actually, this is something we do in Cape Town too and that I really like about England. Having lived here for 20+ years, I'm constantly shocked by how Cape Townians can, on the one hand, go surfing at 6am, hike Table Mountain and hit the gym 4 times a week... but when out shopping will drive up to the door of shop A, then get back int he car and drive round the block to shop B. And no, it's not a security issue due to SA being a bit more dangerous in the sort of context I'm talking about.

Similarly, I drove 1000 km to uni, sure, but if I want to meet up with friends locally when we visit, I have to think carefully about where because anywhere that's more than a 15 minute drive will have them all in palpitations! Grin

OP posts:
Epli · 13/12/2024 10:36

turkeyboots · 13/12/2024 10:08

Funerals. As an Irish person I'll go to funerals of friends parents, colleagues family etc. My mother has sent me to funerals on her behalf and I'd know none of the other people. It's totally normal here, not so much in England.

Same in Poland. Funerals are still usually held in churches, they are open for anyone to attend. It is common to go for example to a colleague's parent funeral.

Other things which I needed to get used to:
-CARDS!!!! Brits love cards :D The only reason I buy cards is to put money in when I am giving a gift lol (usually a wedding one)
-CAKES - as above :D amount of cakes people bring to the office here is mind blowing :D
-Weddings are shorter and usually ceremony is more private than the actual party - again different in Poland where sometimes more people are invited to a ceremony that to a party (and party lasts from ~3-pm until early morning, usually has open bar)

lillylallylu · 13/12/2024 10:37

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/12/2024 10:28

The driving culture in America. My fil will drive from one shop to the other in a strip mall to avoid walking. We lived there for a while, going for a walk is a 'hike'.

lol, I do this at our local retail
park in the UK!

Resilienceisimportant · 13/12/2024 10:40

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/12/2024 10:28

The driving culture in America. My fil will drive from one shop to the other in a strip mall to avoid walking. We lived there for a while, going for a walk is a 'hike'.

But on this note why Brits live roaming around the countryside.

Also, living rurally here is favoured and posh. Where I’m from if your lived in the country you were either a farmer or poor.

Locking doors was strange for me.

A cup of tea will fix everything - I find this a bit funny.

You alright? I hear this and check to see if I’m bleeding.

Buying a house - why can you pull out and change your kind (I know that doesn’t happen in Scotland). Stressful and bizarre.

Two tier health system. Why should people with money get faster or better service.

The shocking cost of dental treatment.

The awesome cheapness of travel to Europe.

So many…..

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 10:55

attitudes to emigration: it seems to be seen as a selfish and weirdly anomalous decision, and to always be about choosing a sunny climate over your family and friends. In other countries I've lived in, living abroad for an extended period of time is an entirely usual thing, and not some unilateral decision that the other country is 'better'

I'm not sure about this, I think because of the empire we have a long history of emigration culture and still have high levels of emigration. It's only in the last 30 years that imigration has overtaken emigration. I grew up in rural northern Scotland, all my siblings have worked abroad for a few years, several of Mum and Dad's cousins and my Mum's best friend from school emigrated, and in my grandparents generation there were several who emigrated, in fact my grandfather worked in Canada and only came back because his father died young so Grandad came back to take over the farm and look after his younger siblings. DH's family were much more urban but in each generation I know there have been multiple people who have emigrated or worked abroad for a few years. It's been completely normal to emigrate for generations.

JC03745 · 13/12/2024 10:57

I've lived in the UK 20yrs and am still amazed by regional accents. How a place only 1km away can have such a different accent. Where I was born, I might be able to tell someone lived rurally, but I wouldn't be able to say which city/region they were from.

The term poorly. I assumed it meant they were poor not ill.

British teeth!

The fact so many people, even young people, use imperial measurements still! Its 59yrs since changing to the metric system, yet speed limits, milk etc are still in imperial. Some people have no clue about anything metric. I'm in my 40yrs, ALL schooling and uni was metric, but I now have a reasonable understanding of imperial since moving to the UK.

FranklyMyDears · 13/12/2024 10:57

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 10:55

attitudes to emigration: it seems to be seen as a selfish and weirdly anomalous decision, and to always be about choosing a sunny climate over your family and friends. In other countries I've lived in, living abroad for an extended period of time is an entirely usual thing, and not some unilateral decision that the other country is 'better'

I'm not sure about this, I think because of the empire we have a long history of emigration culture and still have high levels of emigration. It's only in the last 30 years that imigration has overtaken emigration. I grew up in rural northern Scotland, all my siblings have worked abroad for a few years, several of Mum and Dad's cousins and my Mum's best friend from school emigrated, and in my grandparents generation there were several who emigrated, in fact my grandfather worked in Canada and only came back because his father died young so Grandad came back to take over the farm and look after his younger siblings. DH's family were much more urban but in each generation I know there have been multiple people who have emigrated or worked abroad for a few years. It's been completely normal to emigrate for generations.

I agree with you that this is entirely normal, but I never lived or spent substantial time in Scotland, and the attitudes to emigration on Mn (I don't know if we have any stats on which countries UK Mners are from, proportionally) seem to me deeply anomalous and 'individualistic'. And sometimes quite angry.

evtheria · 13/12/2024 10:58

Living in the UK as a born-abroad Brit (so I grew up with some of the culture via family/friends), the things that stood out to me here:

• the drinking culture
• houses that aren't built for the climate
• you can go to a carvery and have a full roast any day of the week, it's brilliant*
• kids' parties mostly outside the home & a strict 2hrs long
• a general lack of knowledge about other continents or countries. I know we give Americans a lot of shit for it, but it's pretty bad here too.
• the number of different british accents*
• lack of swimming classes for all kids
• the amazing public libraries, great and small*

*Edit: These are positive things, but I was unprepared for them!

FranklyMyDears · 13/12/2024 11:00

You alright? I hear this and check to see if I’m bleeding.

An American friend who moved to Ireland was very puzzled when buying vegetables at a market, by the stallholders saying 'Are you all right?' to her. They meant 'Are you waiting to be served?'/'What can I get you?' and she heard it as an enquiry about her health, said 'Yes, fine, thanks' and wondered why they then moved on to someone else. 😀

evtheria · 13/12/2024 11:03

@Resilienceisimportant
'Yawrigh?' I happened to move to the NW first, where this is definitely the standard greeting. I was so confused by everyone constantly asking me this, assumed it was my RBF!