If you live in a different country to your birth - cultural norms you find odd?

[Triffid1]

I am South African originally. As I was dropping DS (13) at his activity last night at 7pm, knowing I'd be picking him at 8:30, I was thinking how I just don't think I'm ever going to get used to the lateness of things for children in this country. I honestly don't think i was out of the house after 6:30 on a school night, ever, until I was about 16!!! Admittedly, we also started our days much earlier - school start was 8:05 I think.

And I admit, I find it even odder because you change your clocks so that it gets light earlier and dark earlier. And certainly where we are (SE England), everything happens LATER, not earlier. I'm also from Cape Town though so to be fair, it gets light much later so getting up in the dark was a pretty normal event in winter for us.

Does anyone else have anything like this that they find odd? Light please - I'm not looking to bash any other cultures just note the differences!

Yes about reading books, I still can't get my head round that one. Honestly, I don't think the education system here is anything to shout about. Kids seem to be on the scrap heap if they don't make it to Gymnasium. Many of the teachers seem really uncaring and apathetic too. Having said that, my kids are in the German system and doing OK.

It does seem a bit like Gymnasium is the be-all and end-all, but there's a good Berufsschule system and many places are crying out for trainees/apprentices - and there are ways of progressing to higher ed after that - so there are opportunities, it just takes a lot more initiative to take them (and I do think non-Gymnasium secondaries can be quite tough environments).

There's definitely much less support/handholding at university than in the UK. And students are much more part of 'normal' adult life - halls generally aren't catered, many students live in flatshares with proper long-term contracts, social life happens somewhat less exclusively with other students - rather than the student bubble that I think can happen in the UK.

The feverish speculation about whether or not Prince William was shagging a Norfolk neighbour and what his rumoured sexual preferences were. (Part of the extended royal soap opera that has included, Charles, Camilla and the tampon, Prince Philip and his carriage driving partner, the queen and Porchy, Diana and her various amours, Harry and Meghan's Oprah love-in etc etc, and which probably extends back through Wallis Simpson, Queen Victoria and John Brown to Edward II and Hugh Despenser.)

After living in Sweden for 25 years I automatically take my shoes off after entering someone's home. A couple of times the people I'm visiting have raised eyebrows, and one even said in a sarcastic tone "Yes, please do make yourself at home." Which I translated into meaning she thought I was being cheeky taking my shoes off and walking around her house in my socks.

I'm English but wasn't born or raised here. Now that I live here as an adult this thing that always stands out to me is how utterly terrified people seem to be about passing each other on stairways. Even in cases where it is plenty wide enough for two humans to pass each other with no fear of collision, all parties spring to the side and awkwardly wait for someone to go first. Last week a colleague positively smashed herself into the wall to allow me to 'pass'. I then had to thank her for this bizarre and entirely unnecessary act.

I really want to tell people that we can do it, I believe in us, we can walk in opposite directions on the stairs and no harm will come. But of course I just politely nod and smile.

Cards sent for any occassion. Shoes worn inside houses. The whole 'how are you' thing when nobody really cares

Agreed. The drinking culture was a shock. I walked around for two years thinking everyone was an alcoholic.

As an American that threw me when I first came on MN. In the US your fanny is your arse.

Although the UK has been home for a long time, I'm originally from a southern African country where people are very direct.
"Why aren't you married yet?" "Why did you get so fat?" "Why don't you have children?" "Why are you in that wheelchar?" would all be perfectly acceptable.

I obviously knew not to be quite that blunt but I did seem to offend people by asking why they'd been in hospital or how their loved ones had died.

I also had to learn that no level of staring whatsoever is the acceptable amount.

"I dont think it's gross i think it's weird.
I have in door shoe's.
As i was raised not to where outdoor shoes inside because of all the negative energy's we walk in.
Who wants that in doors."

So much to comment on in this post that I'm just going to 🤐

I'm curious as to what constitute early bed time but that also allows for late activities at 7-8pm?

My young kids go to bed at 8-8.30pm, I have never found a school/kids hobby running at this time in 16 years and they get up between 7.30-8am. Seems standard among the parents I know.

@housethatbuiltme I think it's young children who go to bed very early in this country compared to some others (not SA). So by the time they're 10 or 11 bed times are later, but until then it can be early. As is supper. And then there's this switch and suddenly pre-teens and teens are at activities until 8:30 at night, going to bed late!

And I agree, even in SA where I think we do tend to have early bed times because of early starts, I don't think children waking up at 5am every day is normalised in the same way it is here.

Am from a pakistani background. I don't understand camping. Why would you want to pretend to be of no fixed abode?

It's a superstition that passing on the stairs brings bad luck

It's something I was brought up with (among others) that I've tried hard to get out of my mindset

@Triffid1 being a fellow Saffer I know you will get this.

I was in the UK doing some casual work and I had to call and ask for a copy of an invoice. She said OK she would pop it in the post. I asked if she could fax it (clearly it was some time back 😂) so she said no I will just pop it in the post. Imagine my sheer utter shock to get to the office the next morning.... And there was the envelope. Posted and got to me overnight!!! I've never know a letter to take less than two weeks normally lol.

Not a lot has changed re the driving and distances. As it totally depends on the situation. 😂 This week I had to go to a customer 2hr drive, dropped off what I needed to and drove back. Not even a 2nd thought given about the distance. Then today I had to get some bits and bobs and our local shopping centre expanded so it's quite big now. So I went to one shop on the first side and then drove to the other side and parked up there again. To be fair it is hot as balls at 37 degrees today and there was no way in hell I was walking anywhere I didn't need TO. (And the parking is free)

Which is one more thing that was a bit of a shock in UK. No free parking and the price of it is crazy.

I live in the UK now, but grew up in the US. To be fair, I find American culture completely f@&king weird despite having lived there my entire childhood and early adulthood. 😂 I’m a fish out of water there.

So far, the only thing I haven’t adapted to is the British lack of directness when it comes to specifying cost of something or what time to arrive for something. It doesn’t help that I married Dh who is so conflict avoidant and such a people pleaser that he NEVER asks how much something is before agreeing to purchase it or NEVER asks specifically what time we should arrive for lunch. 🙈 Of course, he then spends all morning before said lunch stressing about how we will be late if we don’t leave on time and works himself into a people pleasing frenzy about leaving early to not arrive late even though he has no bloody idea what time we were meant to come because he won’t ask.

This even extends to houseguests. He won’t ask when they are arriving because it seems rude (often it’s in the middle of the day when we are both still working!) and they won’t be direct enough to say, right coming Tuesday at 10am! And then no one will clarify when they are leaving either, so I can never plan anything or get in enough food because no one will state if they are intending to leave Saturday morning or Sunday after dinner. I have to do a lot of, right then, I’m off to my pre-scheduled thing, shall I say goodbye to you now then?! 😩

I don’t think all British people are this bad, but he is on a more extreme end of a general scale of vagueness about which Americans would be very direct. I’m always the person who asks how much something is on enquiry and clarifies precise timings. This is probably why he married me. 😂

@turkeyboots

I'm English born as where my parents and grand parents but my family prior to that was Irish and my Great Grandma was a staunch and very controlling Irish Catholic matriarch of the family who forced her way on her kids and grand kids.

I have never been to an Irish Catholic funeral, my mam use to lie and send me off somewhere as I got older she was like 'save yourself, I'll take the hit'.

She had some clear traumas around the religion (as does my dad and my uncle in law who had similar upbringing). She utterly hated what she called 'weeping widows' (woman who use to go around all the local catholic funerals dressed in black veils even though they didn't even know the dead person). She found it so creepy and performative/attention steeling.

I have had the misfortune of hosting 2 funerals in my life and honestly I know people say England is weird because we 'take too long' but I couldn't do it any other way. It took a few weeks each time and I NEEDED that time to deal with all the things that needed doing while also in a fog of loss/grief. Its not something I would want to 'rush' to get it over with. I would fall apart if I had to do it in 24 hours like some places.

to be fair, I much prefer being at home for a lot longer than having to go back to work after 3-6 months 😂 I would’ve hated that! Interesting though.

I was in the UK doing some casual work and I had to call and ask for a copy of an invoice. She said OK she would pop it in the post. I asked if she could fax it (clearly it was some time back 😂) so she said no I will just pop it in the post. Imagine my sheer utter shock to get to the office the next morning.... And there was the envelope. Posted and got to me overnight!!! I've never know a letter to take less than two weeks normally lol.

haha, yes, the post BLOWS MY MIND. even now. My dad sends me, via courier, hisi Christmas cards and I post them here.

I sent my brother and his wife a small parcel when they had their baby.... it turned up 4 months later. Registered... but still.

I'm intrigued about 'visibly poor people'. How can you tell?

Short curtains!
double taps!
cold houses
have to plan weeks or months ahead to do something like meeting up for a meal 🤦🏻‍♀️
parties are boring (or maybe I’m now older)

Are you saying you can make no deductions whatsoever about the likely income bracket and/or social class of people you encounter?

Oh come on. I live in Surrey, just outside Vancouver. In 3 hours I'd be in Kamloops.

One of my good American friends was really amused by the fact we wanted to go “for a walk” ok Boxing Day. She kept saying “but a walk where?” And we said around the woods and maybe near the river. The look she gave us was hilarious.

But it’s not that different from the American “What’s up?” is it?

To which the obvious British answer is “Nothing, why?”

I wouldn't be confident in making a snap judgement of someone as being 'visibly poor' or 'clearly on a salary of £90K+' at a casual encounter. Do you mean people you know who are royalists, or people you see on the TV/media in footage and pictures of crowds gathering for royal events? If that's the case then your skills in deduction (I might even say mind-reading/psychic ability) are very impressive.