Does anyone else love being a working mother and have no guilt?

[AnonymoosePoster]

I have four kids and have worked full time throughout their childhoods. For each I took 6-9 months maternity leave then went back to work. DH works full time too.

People say it’s hard, they don’t know how we do it. The truth is it’s brilliant. I love having kids, they are a total joy. I love my career that interests me and motivates me and pays for a good standard of living. I love the variety in my life.

I actually think I would find it much harder to be home full time or to work and have no kids and potentially no boundaries about ending the day and going home. Having both balances everything out. I cherish my time with the kids but sometimes breathe a sigh of relief when I get to work after a manic family weekend.

Does anyone else really quite like the life of full time working mum and disagree with the stereotype that it’s hard and you cannot “have it all”?

Well someone has to ask the obvious question. How can you love having kids if you hardly see them?

Same here. I don’t understand the guilt. I can’t stand being a SAHM. I love working and I love having my own money. Earning is empowering.

I don’t have it all though. I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies. I don’t do elaborate elf on the shelf. I can’t drive DC to sports competition (some sports have all week day term time competitions). I don’t go on most work trips so I spend more time with kids. It’s all about picking the right balance for me.

So true. Women are the greatest supporters of other women when those other women are covered in guilt or finding life difficult. Not so much when the other women are thriving. It’s sad to see and needs to change.

I find this really interesting, as I have just quit my job to be a SAHM to my 2 year old.

My work was so demanding and my son was just miserable being in FT daycare for long days (8am-5pm).
I was short and happy with this tantrums because I was already exhausted from work.

Mind you I had a nanny and a cleaner....

So I'm not sure what I did 'wrong' that I couldn't make it work... but I do admire you in some way.

Both of my parents worked full time too and I don't look back and think it would have been better if they hadn't.

I also don't work to be a role model to my kids, I work because I enjoy it, find it challenging, and it's well paid which is great for all of us

That’s nice, I prefer to work than be a SAHM,
occasionally the mental load get very real as does the huge washing pile and household day to day though

Do no men love having kids?

Do women who have to work to buy food on the table not love having kids?

Of course you can love kids who you only see for breakfast and dinner and at weekends and holidays. I can confirm you can adore them and enjoy them and be very close to them!

You didn't answer the question though did you?

I agree. I have always worked, part time and then full time when the eldest started school. I have always enjoyed working, social interaction and financial independent has always been very important to me, both my kids have the same ethic. I know I have been judged but really done care. My kids are wonderful young adults, both at a RG uni living their best life lives. I have done a good job raising them.

What do you mean hardly seeing them? I work full time and manage to see my kids every morning and evening and all weekend. Full time work doesn’t mean out of our house all day. I used to commute pre covid and kids were at childcare. Now I see them more and I am at home 4 days a week when they get back from school.

When I say we can’t have it all. Of course you can’t have a high powered big job like being the prime minister and be a very present parent. But there are a lot of other careers that give you a lot more free time.

I have always loved having my lovely DS (and his two older, now-adult half-sisters, my stepdaughters, whom I brought up). And I have always worked more than full-time. It's possible, you know, and insulting to say it isn't. There is more than one way of being a parent. You do have to prioritise outside of work hours, sure.

What a load of guff. Stupid question.

Part time at the moment as they are under 5.
I think it depends on the person.

I tend to be on the go a lot, so far I have found rushing around and doing the balancing act beneficial. I find I am not very good at shutting off, if there isn't something to be doing. (Playing with kids, cleaning, working etc) I just start ruminating and overthinking. For me I find switching my mind between roles keeps me focused and present which like you mentioned makes me a better mum with a better attitude. If I was a sahm, I think I would stress about achieving perfection and drive everyone mad. I am also a worry wart, so I run the risk of being a helicopter parent 😅 so having that shift at work and time outside the home tends to recenter me and put things into perspective.

I always envied the sahms that just looked liked they did it all effortlessly and never seemed phased. But we all have to accept we are different people with different strengths and weaknesses and all we can do is our best and play to our strengths.

I always struggled with low self esteem, so my job is that focus on an activity that is about me. Not my looks, my clothes, being mum. It is a part of me I can indulge that builds my confidence and filters into the other areas of my life.

Also I was classed as disabled for my youth. I was living in care facilities. To have a good job and family is like a big middle finger up to those who said I would never be able to live normally and essentially gave up on me. So working for me personally makes me very proud 😅 I really wouldn't want to go backwards towards any semblance of the life I used to have..

Would love to read the kids POV now and in 5-10 years.
i never believe any posts that portray a perfect life whether it’s a career woman or a SAHM. Nobody can have it all and something has got to give and/or you have tons of help (paid or unpaid). Just don’t understand the point of your posts? You are amazing and manage it all while having four kids?!

@kiraric that's interesting, I do also think we get naturally programed to do what we know.

I think Christmas traditions are a good example of this, every year we get the "my family didn't do father Christmas and I didn't miss out /never had a stocking and didn't miss out".

I think it's a sign if the capitolist society we live in when time with parents is less important than the money they earn.

You want me to answer “how” I love them?

I love them by taking time to chat to them, by being interested in what they do, by hugging them and laughing with them, by planning nice activities that reflect their desires when I’m with them, by making short calls in the day to check in on them, by regularly telling them how proud I am of them, by not being on my phone or staring at the TV when I’m home with them, by planning regular holidays where I’m with them 100% of the time doing things we love to do together, by eating two meals a day at the kitchen table with them and finding out about their days, by listening to them, by checking in about how they feel about our lives, by just bloody loving them because they are great kids.

Don't worry about the negative feedback here OP. Plenty of SAHMs here who equally love to gloat and make working mums feel bad for using childcare.

I don't think it's as binary as that. I honestly felt like I got plenty of time with my parents, it wasn't about thinking money was more important than time with them. My dad in particular was very present with me when he was with me, really focused on me.

Last year my mum and I had a conversation where she casually mentioned that she had been a SAHM for a year when I was 8 (my dad had a transfer to a different city so we had moved away from her job). I genuinely didn't even remember this at all..

" which is well paid which is great for all of us." you said it.

God I just wish there would be a time where these posts didn't gain any traction.
People's reactions to the 'I love being a working mum / SAHP, my life is great' would be 'meh!'

I was explaining part of the reason why I work. I didn't say it was more important than my kids

I’m not a mother but I salute all of you working mums and applaud those who have no guilt. As you say - when do men feel guilty?

I worked in education and a lot of the most switched on engaged and involved parents were working full-time and had bright well-adjusted (seemingly) happy confident kids. So were Some of the kids of SAHP as well of course. But my point is I didn’t see that children of SAHP had an edge Merely by virtue of having a non-working parent in the house.

It's the only reason you have put down as to why it benefits them.
Look it's your post not mine.
It's nothing to do with me I'm just observing that I find it interesting how we get programmed easily by how we were raised and what our parents did.

I wish I could do part-time hours if I’m to be totally honest.

I love my job and don't feel guilty about working (also privileged to have a term time only role so I do spend the holidays with my kids) but it's hard work. DC are 8 and 3. We're all out the house 7.30-5.30. It's a rush to fit in a healthy dinner, extra curriculars, housework, life admin. Weekends go by in a blur. I feel like we never get chance to properly relax outside of the school holidays and everyone is exhausted. So whilst I don't feel guilty, I do feel really bloody tired all the time