Why are people so down on boys?!

[Choobakka]

I have two boys and definitely won't be having any more. I never had any particular preference regarding the sex of either of my babies. Yet since my DS2 was born 6 months ago I've had nothing but negativity from family and friends, asking me if I was going to try for a girl, videos on social media from "boy mums" feeling sad they will one day be the Grandmother on "Dad's side" and just generally loads of implication that when my boys are grown they will be all in with their female partners' families should they have female partners, and not bother with me or their Dad. Is this an accurate reflection? In this day and age? DH and I have very little to do with his parents admittedly but they're alcoholics! OTOH my brother is married and I would say he and my lovely SIL probably see more of my mum than they do of hers. My sisters' husbands seem to see lots of their own families.

There's lots of stereotyping here, a boys a boy till he gets him a wife etcetc

And lots of posters unhappy at their MILs

Because you don't bring your children up in a vacuum. If there was only me and DH and our kids in a hut in the woods, I'm confident I could raise both boys and girls to be equally caring, emotionally expressive, and communicative. But in the real world, society will influence boys that this is 'girl' behaviour. They are likely to end up less good at these things than girls.
So, when they are adult men and women it is likely that society will have influenced them enough that no matter how I raise them my daughter will get in touch more than my son. She is more likely to be a family lynchpin, instigating messages, calls, and meet ups. She is more likely to pour her heart out to me and lean on me when she needs help. She is more likely to ask me for help if she has children, because she is more likely to do the lion's share of the childcare in the breastfeeding days. It all adds up.

There are many many exceptions to these norms of course, but the likelihood remains that my daughter will be in my life more than my son as adults.

My DH and his Brother see their mum all the time. My own BIL has a great relationship with his mum. Social media mums always need something to post about, this must be the new trend.

I have one boy and no one has every asked if I would have preferred a girl, based on a made up scenario of him never speaking to me again once he becomes an adult 💁🏻‍♀️

Boys are the best 🥰

Who knows. I’ve got one DS and he is lovely. He’s currently away at uni and messages me every other day, we talk weekly and regularly meet up for lunch. He also phones both sets of grandparents at least every other week and goes to visit them when he’s home, remembers birthdays and Mother’s Day. Even does the dishes and cooks when he’s here.

Don't worry, if you have girls people tell you that teenaged girls are all shit and teenaged boys are lovely. My teenaged girls have been fine but apparently that's wrong and they're all crap. Just wait it out

Raising boys is confusing these days.
Things that were traditionally boyish are now looked down upon, behaviour of boys is really scrutinised, ideally they need to be more like girls.
I have to hide how I raise my boys sometimes because it's looked down.
I'm not talking about anything crazy but my young men were raised to be sporty, practical and assertive.
Not all boys are like that but mine are and I allowed them to be who they are.
(They're also respectful, considerate, fair and do chores at home but that's to be expected)

I’ve noticed this a lot, I have a DD and everyone (especially young women) say how lucky I am and that they don’t want a boy. It just stems from really negative stereotypes, I’m pregnant again and we don’t know what we’re having but if it’s a boy I won’t be sad in anyway. Especially not about being the grandmother on the dads side, I’m closest to my dads side of the family so I know everything comes down to individual people and not sex.

I don’t know. I only have one Ds so no other option anyway

Dh has 5 siblings. 3 girls, 2 boys. It’s only dh who ever arranges anything or calls his parents regularly. Dh is sporty, handy, technical and other ‘boy’ typical stuff, but he’s also kind, calm and generous. I think most boys can be both

This thread will quickly fill up with people saying boys are cuddly and amazing and girls are bitchy and drama queens.

I think you pick up on comments against whatever sex you have.

I've got two girls and when I was in labour with dd2 the midwife asked me if I was going to try for a boy for dh, it's nothing to do with the sex, people don't seem to accept that you can be happy with two the same.

I have 3 boys, they are lovely! I had 3 because I wanted lots! Then realised 3 was plenty! I have no worries about the future and being a mil. People are weird. Boys are great! I’m sure girls are too!

It's an interesting topic.

I'm from a family of 2 sons 2 daughters. My brothers got away with murder, and as adults made little effort unless they wanted something. Also did none of the stepping-up for the ageing parents. That was all left to the daughters. Never put themselves out (and were never expected to because of "important jobs" so lots of the usual male-more-important-than-female typicality).

Patriarchy and male entitlement is still very much a thing, and there is issue with lack of (good) male role models, in particular male teachers.

Porn is prevalent and poisonous and girls are experiencing unprecedented levels of sexual assault in schools and elsewhere.

I wish prospects were better for all young people these days - it must be very scary growing up in such a fucked-up world.

My mum and dad are in a different country. My PILs are wonderful and very close to us
and their grandchildren. You never know how life is going to turn out but mourning things before they actually happen pisses me off, all that ‘boy mum’ BS for social media engagement and nothing else

Any preference for girls is based on 1950s ideas or gender roles. My bro is closer to our mum and my husband is way closer to his mum than his sister. Both call their sons to talk things through before their daughters.

I asked my mother in law to help when my kids were born (not my own mum - i love them both but MiL is the calmer of the two!)

It’s all outdated stereotyping. Women will only have a non communicative, neanderthal son if they raise them to be that way! I have one of each and don’t see any reason I’d be closer to my daughter. If anything i’m keen to maintain good relations with her as I have a few friends who don’t talk to their mums. I hope I’ll be equally close to both but so guess it depends more on our temperaments, shared interests, world view etc.

I've got 2 girls and am told "oooo just wait til their teenagers..." and "no boy for daddy"... people can just fuck off tbh.

I was incredibly close to my paternal grandparent and those 'dads side of the family' videos irritate me.

But there is a bit of a social expectation that girls will remain close to thier famiky and be involved with them, and boys will be less so.

I think there is a slight difference in all boy families though.

There isn't a sister to off load care onto, or to push into lynch-pin of the family role. I also can't accidently end up closer to a daughter that doesn't exist by doing that divide an conquer thing where mum takes the daughter along to stuff, and dad takes the son to something else.

@PerambulationFrustration "Things that were traditionally boyish are now looked down upon"

What sort of things?

I have three sisters and a brother and can safely say we are all totally different.

It's definitely one of my sisters who feels the least filial responsibility and gets away with murder the most in the eyes of our parents, not my brother.

It was the opposite for me. When my second DD was born I lost count of the number of people who said “aww, your poor DH, is he disappointed?”

Because they can't think. My MIL said she wouldn't have known what to do with a daughter 🙄

Boys, well my boys, are fabulous. So great in every way.

My daughter is amazing.

Your kids are a lot of what you put into them.

People who don't want a particular sex for stupid reasons are just <words fail me>

I don't think our modern society quite knows what they want from boys and men.

As a consequence boys and men have no idea what they're meant to do/be.

As far as my experience goes, boys follow stereotyping no more nor less than girls. They are individuals who have the capacity to have personality traits across the whole spectrum of human experience.

They can be caring, loving, sensitive, fragile, insecure at the same time as being competitive, agressive, lazy, inconsiderate - as I'm sure girls can be.

I just wish we could let let people explore the whole of their personality without feeling they have to live up to gender stereotyping.

In terms of having boys or girls - you get what you get when you have children and then you desperately try to muddle through as best as you can.

I think it depends, globally everyone is "down on" girls if you look at the levels of infanticide against girl babies.

For what i read on MN sometimes its like women want girls because they will be best friends for life.
News flash your parents not mates and not all girls are close to their mums.

@CurlewKate just generally being more physical, competitive, playfighting, shooting guns.
My boys would make guns out lego and toast and it would stress me out thinking I should be stopping this then nerf guns became popular and I was kind of relieved.
Personally, I wish guns never existed but unfortunately they do and generally, boys seem to be drawn to them.

If I ever imagined having a child it was a boy. When I got with my DH he had two girls. We had a boy together.