Why are people so down on boys?!

[Choobakka]

I have two boys and definitely won't be having any more. I never had any particular preference regarding the sex of either of my babies. Yet since my DS2 was born 6 months ago I've had nothing but negativity from family and friends, asking me if I was going to try for a girl, videos on social media from "boy mums" feeling sad they will one day be the Grandmother on "Dad's side" and just generally loads of implication that when my boys are grown they will be all in with their female partners' families should they have female partners, and not bother with me or their Dad. Is this an accurate reflection? In this day and age? DH and I have very little to do with his parents admittedly but they're alcoholics! OTOH my brother is married and I would say he and my lovely SIL probably see more of my mum than they do of hers. My sisters' husbands seem to see lots of their own families.

I've really enjoyed, and still completely enjoy, raising my boy. From toddler to young teen he's just great fun company and I can't imagine life without him.

Our children add to our lives, male or female it makes no odds. I'm just glad he's sharing life with me.

Well why ask? You're not agreeing with anyone. Very very strange post

Had comments so many times when our with my 3 boys… the best one was a complete stranger saying (with the ‘look’) ‘ooh three boys (pitying glance) you’ve got your hands full’ whilst my children were playing beautifully together … moments later her daughter was screaming blue murder about something to a random child who looked absolutely terrified of her…. Next time someone says something negative to you about having boys just smile and say ‘what a strange thing to say’ - direct it straight back to them with a smile because it’s really such an awful comment and there is no positive intent behind it.

I've agreed with plenty of posters on this thread, I just haven't agreed with your blanket assessment of boys are like x and girls are like y, because I don't think that's true.

I have 2 of each. They are all lovely and assholes in equal measures.

Because on here men are the enemy, and of course the endless double standards

Yes this is how I feel. Mainly that all children have the capacity to be pretty irritating regardless of their sex 🤣

I don't feel boys or girls are worse, but I do know from teaching and pastoral care that boys are significantly more likely to get into serious trouble at school, primarily for fighting. That's not to say we don't have mixed-sex fights and girl on girl fights, but we have more than three times as many boy on boy fights, and 85-90% of the serious ones (leading to suspension or exclusion) are boys only. Girls damage each other in different ways, but fighting is visible and intimidating for others. It has a bigger ripple effect.

Often, parents claim that fighting is 'natural' for boys, and say they have no power to influence, stop or control this 'male urge'. I think this is untrue, but I'm reporting what I see. I suspect that when boys (not all, of course!) are enabled to be physically violent, it creates fear and anger, far more so than when girls bully, exclude, troll and general behave awfully towards one another.

I agree with you on most of this but I don't agree that the physical violence is more damaging than the more subtle bullying and exclusion behaviours. As a teacher I would say the reverse actually.

Not all men are pointless. Sorry, you've been around the wrong ones.

In an international marriage (which is getting to be more common), isn't the woman more likely to settle in the DH's country. DH's sisters left to find partners overseas and their partners don't want to live in the uk. I met dh at university and when he proposed to me I agreed to move to where he was studying in Europe (though we only stayed there a year).. we then moved back to London where he was born and bred.

I think it does make sense in a way. Women often marry up - guy has a more comfortable family background or higher income..dh outearns me significantly (my family is richer but they don't help kids post university) and tbh even at university I thought this might be the case so makes sense for us to live where we could maximise our earnings. Dh's sisters' husbands don't earn much but their families are from more comfortable backgrounds, are willing to help out a son and they have much nicer houses (compared to DH's mum) that my SILs can live in rent free. So why would they slum it out in london. They would never return to the uk and dh would be solely responsible for MIL's eldercare (we live 3 miles away). Even the one who lives in Europe recently came for her grandpa's funeral and left on the day of the funeral after it was over (her fiancee was constantly pestering my dh for funeral dates so he could book the return flight and get the hell out asap). The one in America will hardly come. Even when she was living in another country where it wasn't so expensive to visit she never came back to the uk in 8 years and MIL only saw her when we had family reunions (everyone would stay at his house) at grandpa's in December (in europe)..

I'm pregnant with my first and his a boy. I only really want one kid and I'm delighted that he's a boy - the same way I would be if it were a girl. But I do see loads of negativity about boys and people often say to me ahh was you gutted it's not a girl ..like why would I be?..

I would prefer a girl cos I want an only child and I am from a country where there is conscription (even for citizens that grow up overseas, their parents have to post 40k gbp in bail when they turn 16 just to make sure they return to serve in the army). And unless he is disabled, he would be trained for combat and probably sent to the front line. I would lost my only child in ww3 and unlike in Israel no ability to block an only child from serving in combat unit.

I will not register him for my country's citizenship which is problematic if dh and I pass on as I probably would want my parents to raise him (my MIL is too busy parenting her 27 year old daughter). With a little girl she can get dual citizenship, no issue, and she can choose what she wants at 21.

I am probably pregnant with a boy though.

Depends on where due to the culture eg parts of Asia and Africa. Women finally have equal rights in most Western countries (although we are still not taken seriously when we have gynaecological issues). In recent years, I've seen women online and women in person who are desperate for a girl and are disappointed to have a boy. I was just happy to have a child (I have a daughter).

Yes! EYFS educator and dear me, the girls at the moment are driving me nuts. It’s all “no” and screaming, won’t touch a toy, argue with everything I say, bossy and really quite manipulative to their parents - who use words such as girl power and sassy and independent to describe their tantrums and attitude. The boys come in all chilled, play happily with everything on offer, find enjoyment in everything and are generally just a pleasure to spend time with.

Our “boy” (21) is a wonderful person. Always has been and we’ve never experienced anything other than positivity towards him 🤷‍♀️

@daffodilandtulip "Yes! EYFS educator and dear me, the girls at the moment are driving me nuts."

Please tell me you're not really an EYFS educator. Please....

I have three boys. They're absolutely wonderful. They are smart, kind, considerate - good conversation, easy to be around. The teenage years have been a breeze.

I can have opinions on behaviour and attitudes.

Mightysnail completely nailed it.
Just look at all the posts on here about who buys and sorts out Christmas and birthday presents, family get togethers, all the ‘caring duties,’ etc. It isn’t men is it?

Why would you need to hide the fact that you have raised your 3 boys to be sporty, practical and assertive? Those are excellent qualities and surely you would instil those exact qualities if you had three girls.

Weirdly, in my experience it's often women who do the stereotyping.

My SIL is a lesbian..both her and her girlfriend were astonished when they discovered the girlfriend was having a boy... inexplicably (and in spite of both being medical consultants) they'd assumed they have girls! Then they tried very hard to raise him (and his brother) to be more 'girly' and were baffled when at toddler groups he'd rush for the toy trucks etc instead of dolls, as that's what he happened to be interested in (he mainly had dolls at home).

When I was pg they told me that they hoped it was a boy so that DH could take him fishing etc - why on earth couldn't he have taken a daughter fishing? I absolutely loved going fishing with my father (more so than my brother did).

I think there's a long way to go for society to understand people are individuals rather than a specific stereotype.

For what it's worth, my son is now at uni, and he's far closer to me than I ever was with my mother...

@SleepyHippy3 "I have to hide how I raise my boys sometimes because it's looked down."

Could you say some more about this? Who looks down on "sporty, practical and assertive" in either sex?

@SleepyHippy3 and @CurlewKate
When we've had similar discussions in some group settings and I've made some comments about raising boys to be assertive and strong, I've been told by one person that they tell their dds to stay away from boys like mine, with agreement from others.
I did ask them what kind of boys they would expect their dds to date seeing as they have brought up her dds to be strong too.
My boys played various sports but one thing I did have to hide is boxing training as people are often horrified, not understanding that it doesn't have to involve sparring.

Btw I'm not suggesting that strength only comes from being sporty but those were the parts I felt people looked down on.
Chores, volunteering, and other activities didn't seem to have the same reaction.