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Original poster

Why are people so down on boys?!

105 replies

Choobakka · 04/12/2024 16:22

I have two boys and definitely won't be having any more. I never had any particular preference regarding the sex of either of my babies. Yet since my DS2 was born 6 months ago I've had nothing but negativity from family and friends, asking me if I was going to try for a girl, videos on social media from "boy mums" feeling sad they will one day be the Grandmother on "Dad's side" and just generally loads of implication that when my boys are grown they will be all in with their female partners' families should they have female partners, and not bother with me or their Dad. Is this an accurate reflection? In this day and age? DH and I have very little to do with his parents admittedly but they're alcoholics! OTOH my brother is married and I would say he and my lovely SIL probably see more of my mum than they do of hers. My sisters' husbands seem to see lots of their own families.

OP posts:
ThePoliteLion · 04/12/2024 20:53

Please ignore these idiotic sexist comments from your family and friends.
P.S. my fifty something brother is kind, caring and a lynchpin of our family

TheyDidntBurnWitchesTheyBurntWomen · 04/12/2024 20:57

MightySnail · 04/12/2024 16:32

Because you don't bring your children up in a vacuum. If there was only me and DH and our kids in a hut in the woods, I'm confident I could raise both boys and girls to be equally caring, emotionally expressive, and communicative. But in the real world, society will influence boys that this is 'girl' behaviour. They are likely to end up less good at these things than girls.
So, when they are adult men and women it is likely that society will have influenced them enough that no matter how I raise them my daughter will get in touch more than my son. She is more likely to be a family lynchpin, instigating messages, calls, and meet ups. She is more likely to pour her heart out to me and lean on me when she needs help. She is more likely to ask me for help if she has children, because she is more likely to do the lion's share of the childcare in the breastfeeding days. It all adds up.

There are many many exceptions to these norms of course, but the likelihood remains that my daughter will be in my life more than my son as adults.

Sums it up perfectly!

TooBigForMyBoots · 04/12/2024 21:13

Old habits and sayings die hard @Choobakka.

I have 2 boys born 10 years apart. The shite I've heard over the years since I announced my second pregnancy!🙄 I wouldn't mind but of the women who've said it, one has 3 adult sons still living with her, another readily admits to moving when her only DS decided to stay home for Uni and the other is my own mother. A woman that my brother hasn't left alone in more than 40 years.🤯

He's at her house at least twice a week, and on the phone every day regardless of his children, his business or his millions.

My two boys are grand and I'm grand with them.😊

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Families
Screamingabdabz · 04/12/2024 21:14

Stick around MN and read all the hostile threads toward MILs. That’s your answer.

NewBootsWeather · 04/12/2024 21:23

My DB lives next door to my Mum & Dad. He is single though so no need to feel sorry for his wife.

I love having a DS and I'm lucky to have two DSDs who I'm close to.

NewBootsWeather · 04/12/2024 21:24

Screamingabdabz · 04/12/2024 21:14

Stick around MN and read all the hostile threads toward MILs. That’s your answer.

I adored my late MIL.

surreygirl1987 · 04/12/2024 21:25

MightySnail · 04/12/2024 16:32

Because you don't bring your children up in a vacuum. If there was only me and DH and our kids in a hut in the woods, I'm confident I could raise both boys and girls to be equally caring, emotionally expressive, and communicative. But in the real world, society will influence boys that this is 'girl' behaviour. They are likely to end up less good at these things than girls.
So, when they are adult men and women it is likely that society will have influenced them enough that no matter how I raise them my daughter will get in touch more than my son. She is more likely to be a family lynchpin, instigating messages, calls, and meet ups. She is more likely to pour her heart out to me and lean on me when she needs help. She is more likely to ask me for help if she has children, because she is more likely to do the lion's share of the childcare in the breastfeeding days. It all adds up.

There are many many exceptions to these norms of course, but the likelihood remains that my daughter will be in my life more than my son as adults.

Meh. That's you guys. I'm the 'daughter' and haven't spoken to my parents for years - I can't stand them. Whereas my husband is very close to his parents. Its's not about sex - it's about individuals and the relationship that is built.

HealthyPumpkin · 04/12/2024 21:27

I’m expecting my first baby in June, he’s a boy. I don’t care what he is. If he gets here safely, I’d be torn. Do I want a girl? Or a brother for him? So again wouldn’t care. I just want him here safe and well

HealthyPumpkin · 04/12/2024 21:29

Also I love my husbands family and can’t wait to tell them about baby. They will be welcome any time and likely more involved than my parents

NewBootsWeather · 04/12/2024 21:30

My DS spoke to me a lot when he split up with his first girlfriend. He's moved away and rings me if I forget to ring him. Will it last? I don't know. I'm hoping to be a good MIL. I've always been really popular with both my Brothers partners throughout the years.

frozendaisy · 04/12/2024 21:34

You already point out examples in your real life OP where it's just not true.

So it's nonsense.

You have many years of being the most important woman in their lives don't waste a moment naval gazing over online nonsense.

mnahmnah · 04/12/2024 21:39

The only place I have seen anti boy attitudes is on here! I have two boys and I have never had any negative comments or questions if I wanted a girl etc. i bloody love being a boy mum

Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:40

Screamingabdabz · 04/12/2024 21:14

Stick around MN and read all the hostile threads toward MILs. That’s your answer.

Tbf in most of them the MILS sound batshit.

OP posts:
StressedQueen · 04/12/2024 21:41

It's just nonsense to be honest. I have 4 girls and 1 boy and occasionally get silly comments like "oh poor ds having no brothers!" but I know they mean it light-hearted. This thing of boy mums is so dumb - we are all mothers regardless.

Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:42

PerambulationFrustration · 04/12/2024 19:58

@CurlewKate just generally being more physical, competitive, playfighting, shooting guns.
My boys would make guns out lego and toast and it would stress me out thinking I should be stopping this then nerf guns became popular and I was kind of relieved.
Personally, I wish guns never existed but unfortunately they do and generally, boys seem to be drawn to them.

My older boy has precisely 0 interest in guns and playfighting. He likes reading and knitting. He's 8 😅

OP posts:
Sdpbody · 04/12/2024 21:43

Boys turn in to men and I find men wholly pointless.

Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:44

Sdpbody · 04/12/2024 21:43

Boys turn in to men and I find men wholly pointless.

Well, you sound like a joy.

OP posts:
TammyBundleballs · 04/12/2024 21:45

All I ever wanted was a boy mainly because DH and I have a social circle that is very much geared towards male related activities.

Had we had a girl it would definitely have had an adverse impact on our social life in years to come.

5475878237NC · 04/12/2024 21:46

On a population level it is women who provide the most unpaid care, ie they physically see their parents more. The many physical and neuro chemical sex differences observed from birth don't just stop in adulthood. I don't understand how people can think it's going to be in any way the same. Surely everyone understands that male violence against women and girls means raising boys differently and therefore there is an obvious difference otherwise sex wouldn't play a role in any of the socioeconomic injustice of the world.

Nearlyamumoftwo · 04/12/2024 21:47

@Choobakka its horrible! Boys get such bad stick, I think everyone wants to raise strong independent women.. so when boys are being shit bags, they're being shit bags. When girls are being shit bags... they're not, they're just strong and independent.. drives me nuts.

little boys are much nicer than little girls. Little girls are spiteful and say such cruel things, and as they grow up there is drama you don't get with boys, but depending on your relationship with any DIL it's unlikely there will be wedding dress shopping etc, involvement in the grandchildren when newborn, but as everyone has said it's so individual! I'm delighted I don't have girls, and if I had more I'd only want boys 💙

Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:48

TammyBundleballs · 04/12/2024 21:45

All I ever wanted was a boy mainly because DH and I have a social circle that is very much geared towards male related activities.

Had we had a girl it would definitely have had an adverse impact on our social life in years to come.

What on earth is a male related activity?! Weeing standing up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:49

Nearlyamumoftwo · 04/12/2024 21:47

@Choobakka its horrible! Boys get such bad stick, I think everyone wants to raise strong independent women.. so when boys are being shit bags, they're being shit bags. When girls are being shit bags... they're not, they're just strong and independent.. drives me nuts.

little boys are much nicer than little girls. Little girls are spiteful and say such cruel things, and as they grow up there is drama you don't get with boys, but depending on your relationship with any DIL it's unlikely there will be wedding dress shopping etc, involvement in the grandchildren when newborn, but as everyone has said it's so individual! I'm delighted I don't have girls, and if I had more I'd only want boys 💙

To be clear I really disagree with this blanket statement that boys are like x and girls are like y. I have nieces whom I adore.

I think it is extraordinarily damaging to children of both sexes when we attribute blanket qualities to them based on their genitalia.

OP posts:
Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:51

5475878237NC · 04/12/2024 21:46

On a population level it is women who provide the most unpaid care, ie they physically see their parents more. The many physical and neuro chemical sex differences observed from birth don't just stop in adulthood. I don't understand how people can think it's going to be in any way the same. Surely everyone understands that male violence against women and girls means raising boys differently and therefore there is an obvious difference otherwise sex wouldn't play a role in any of the socioeconomic injustice of the world.

From this I assume you must think the differences in personality between the sexes is biological and not social. That you think males are more violent because they are inherently more violent. I don't agree with that. I think they are socialised that way.

OP posts:
Nearlyamumoftwo · 04/12/2024 21:59

Choobakka · 04/12/2024 21:49

To be clear I really disagree with this blanket statement that boys are like x and girls are like y. I have nieces whom I adore.

I think it is extraordinarily damaging to children of both sexes when we attribute blanket qualities to them based on their genitalia.

Show quote history

That's just never going to happen as much as we want it to - there really is an issue at the moment with girls being told they can run the world, they can be better than boys etc and we're creating bossy bitchy women. I don't disagree with the sentiment - I'm pleased it's less of a man's world. Don't get me wrong, I have nieces and am close to daughters of friends who I adore but there's a huge difference between little boys and little girls. Both have challenges! Next time you're at a toddler group, watch them. KS1 teachers and EYFS educators will talk to you at length on this.

Original poster
Choobakka · 04/12/2024 22:03

Nearlyamumoftwo · 04/12/2024 21:59

That's just never going to happen as much as we want it to - there really is an issue at the moment with girls being told they can run the world, they can be better than boys etc and we're creating bossy bitchy women. I don't disagree with the sentiment - I'm pleased it's less of a man's world. Don't get me wrong, I have nieces and am close to daughters of friends who I adore but there's a huge difference between little boys and little girls. Both have challenges! Next time you're at a toddler group, watch them. KS1 teachers and EYFS educators will talk to you at length on this.

Show quote history

Sorry but I simply don't agree, and I am saying that as a teacher.

OP posts:
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