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Original poster

Dd talks to me like shit

114 replies

Bundles22 · 03/12/2024 09:12

DD is 14 . I'm honestly getting fed up with how she talks to me. She talks to me like im shit on her shoe . There's been no argument so fall out nothing.

She's not being bullied she seems happy with her friends at school. I knlw sge gets a bit stressed over school work which ages getting help /support with . But that still gives her no right to talk to me how she does.

Some of it is typical teen stroppy stuff . But steady honestly verbally horrible to me. Few examples.

I wake her for school in the morning. First words said in a nasty tone , fuck off /go away. What ever .

I ask for her washing she makes nasty comments like how dare I ask for her washing.

When it's time for dinner she says i don't want that it's shit. Ask her what she wants she snaps nothing at me.

When I write it , it feels very typical teenage stroppyness. But its several times a day everyday. I honestly feel like she hates me. I have told her to stop talking to me hiw she's does there's no need for it . I don't talk to her that way .

I didn't want to out any thing emotional onto her which I did not . I just kept telling her not to speak to me like that . But its gone on for months now. So I have now told her that hiw she talks to me makes me feel like shit . I thought if she knew she might stop . But she does not seem to care .

In a nut shell I just want her to talk to me on a normal way . I get there are teenage hormones etc . But this is all day every day. Every time I talk to her .

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 03/12/2024 09:13

It gets really tiring this doesn't it

littlemissprosseco · 03/12/2024 09:19

Just say,” I’m not responding to that” and leave. But don’t do the food, laundry etc… either. She’ll learn that basic politeness will get her what she needs.
Shell still be a teen, but it does help. A sense of humour helps too, if you can manage it!!
“ fuck off!!! I was thinking something more like I love u too!!! “ and leave……

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 09:25

I don’t get this ‘normal teenage stroppiness’. If I’d spoken like that to my parents I’d have been grounded immediately, had all privileges removed and not been allowed to go back to enjoying any normal life until I had sorted my attitude out. And they’d have stood firm on that and I knew it!

Why are kids getting away with this??

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14 year olds
username358 · 03/12/2024 09:29

What consequences are there for her behaviour?

Some suggestions: if she doesn't bring you her dirty laundry, it doesn't get washed. If she doesn't want her dinner, it's put in the fridge. If she swears at you, confiscate her phone until she apologises. She doesn't get a lift if she's rude etc

Put your foot down and refuse to be bullied.

AluckyEllie · 03/12/2024 09:30

Stop doing her washing. Let her know why- ‘don’t talk to me like that, you can do your own washing then.’ Give it a week and start doing it again, don’t make it a hill to die on but make a point. Same with lifts/buying things.

Like a PP said a bit of humour helps.

EauNeu · 03/12/2024 09:31

I know it's supposed to be normal but I never let this slide. Yes it happens but I always say "don't talk to me like that" or "I love your but I won't allow you to be rude to me like that", very calmly, and dc always apologises after things eventually calm down. I make sure to give lots of positive attention when dc is being pleasant/normal too

notnorman · 03/12/2024 09:32

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 09:25

I don’t get this ‘normal teenage stroppiness’. If I’d spoken like that to my parents I’d have been grounded immediately, had all privileges removed and not been allowed to go back to enjoying any normal life until I had sorted my attitude out. And they’d have stood firm on that and I knew it!

Why are kids getting away with this??

I remember having to spend days in
My room with meals being left on a tray outside the door without even having a clue what I had said or done wrong as I was a nice hardworking person! I think I would have been thrown out if I had tried this kind of behaviour.

Original poster
Bundles22 · 03/12/2024 09:32

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 09:25

I don’t get this ‘normal teenage stroppiness’. If I’d spoken like that to my parents I’d have been grounded immediately, had all privileges removed and not been allowed to go back to enjoying any normal life until I had sorted my attitude out. And they’d have stood firm on that and I knew it!

Why are kids getting away with this??

Well some of it is what I would call normal teenage stroppyness . If I had not acknowledged that then I probably would have had replies saying teenage hormones etc .

But I do agree with what your saying . I have tried talking her to stop. I have tried telling her to talk to me in a better way . I have asked her to stop snapping . I have tried to explain to her that she's making me feel like shit . She's had the change to change it and she has not so now I will be taking her phone and laptop

OP posts:
LoveSandbanks · 03/12/2024 09:36

I’ve brought up boys, the youngest one s now 16. None of them have ever spoken to me like that.

I’d be enraged if dh told me to fuck off but if my child did it the consequences would be far reaching.

I remember the oldest squaring up to me one day, before school, I bellowed at him to
get to his room FAST for his own safety. He ran.

Hercisback1 · 03/12/2024 09:37

The swearing isn't normal teen stroppiness. It's rude and she's been allowed to get away with it.

Stop doing stuff and let her live with the consequences.

pimplebum · 03/12/2024 09:37

I got shouted at for bring clean washing and agin for having the audacity to ask if she was ok

I would not like to be sworn at
its really hard I feel your pain
the only thing is to keep working at the relationship , go in “ dates” with her no phones , I have questions off google to ask your teen to get conversations going , tell her about your teen crushes and mistakes ….lots of positive praise and consequences for bad behaviour - it can be small I.e if she gets £10 pocket money 50p off for every rudeness

good luck 🤞

RedVelvetIcing · 03/12/2024 09:37

Same in our house at times. Having a teenager is the hardest age imo.

Nelliemellie · 03/12/2024 09:40

I think you are bullied by your daughter. You need to stop this. There is no discipline these days.

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 09:41

Bundles22 · 03/12/2024 09:32

Well some of it is what I would call normal teenage stroppyness . If I had not acknowledged that then I probably would have had replies saying teenage hormones etc .

But I do agree with what your saying . I have tried talking her to stop. I have tried telling her to talk to me in a better way . I have asked her to stop snapping . I have tried to explain to her that she's making me feel like shit . She's had the change to change it and she has not so now I will be taking her phone and laptop

Show quote history

Oh definitely agree that teenagers are governed by hormones and things. I had a very short temper as a teen and I look back and cringe but I really struggled to keep it in check and it was only as I grew up that I mellowed.
But I do think that a lot of teenagers treat their parents like rubbish because there are no consequences. My life would have been made very difficult if I’d behaved like that.

Does your daughter have a hobby? I’d be putting that on hold, removing her phone and devices and grounding her.
I had ponies as a child and I knew that any poor behaviour from me and those ponies would be gone. And I knew my parents meant it!

There would be no meeting friends, no treats etc.

mikado1 · 03/12/2024 09:41

I would be getting firm and direct here 'Excuse me? You don't want your clothes washed? No problem.' Like a pp I would pull it up, while still knowing its hopefully (!) a phase. Less likely to be a phase if it goes unchecked. Let's say you're to drop her somewhere and she acts like this 'I won't be bringing anyone in my car who speaks to me like that.' I've also said 'I can see you're not in good form. We can talk if that would help. I don't deserve to be spoken to like that though and I won't be putting up with it.'
Do you have a good relationship and some good times each day also? That helps greatly and makes the firm approach more successful imo. Talking about outside of the stroppy times works.

Mindymomo · 03/12/2024 09:46

My Son was like this, I wish looking back now, I would just have stopped doing things for him straightaway and not tried getting through to him with kindness as it didn’t work. He didn’t care that he upset me to tears or to see me angry and had an answer for everything.

Rainbow321 · 03/12/2024 09:49

I'd set an alarm in her bedroom to wake her , if she doesn't get up her call .
Tell her from such and such date , the house is going non swearing and there will be a 50p swear box to go to charity or whoever swears , does the dishes / has the rest of the day no phone etc .
Like is rubbish with a teenager .

Wishimaywishimight · 03/12/2024 09:50

My mother would have gone ballistic if I ever used the words "fuck off" to her or told her that food she had prepared was "shit". It's completely disrespectful and unacceptable. I find it bonkers that anyone accepts this.

Go nuclear. "Just who do you think you are speaking to" rather than a rather wishy washy "you have upset me".

Sit down with her, tell her swearing at you again will result in her losing pocket money, phone, whatever she values. Get her to do her own washing. Public transport instead of lifts (if possible) etc.

Get a bit (lot!) stricter. Sod hormones. Sod 'stroppyness'. She is being a brat and it needs to stop.

YourWildAmberSloth · 03/12/2024 10:02

Do people's children really act like this? I don't even swear in front of my mother now and I'm 57. DS13 isn't perfect but I can't imagine him ever swearing at me, I might get a bit of attitude - huffing, sighing, eye-rolling if he's feeling particularly brave and I clamp straight down on it. I can't believe the things that you are describing as normal teenage stuff. What are the consequences for this?

blackheartsgirl · 03/12/2024 10:05

Dd3 14 can be like this at times, but it’s normally when she’s hormonal or she feels her backs against the wall. She says it under her breath then shits herself when I come back at her with consequences and a death stare. 😂

Littlemiracles232504 · 03/12/2024 10:07

Has she got a phone?
Take it away until she learns some manners, she's not gonna get very far in life with an attitude
Hugs to you OP this sounds really tough xx

blackheartsgirl · 03/12/2024 10:09

My dc never criticised my food either tbf , never called it shit etc. they’d end up wearing the plate! They are allowed likes and dislikes however, dd3 is a fussy eater and I don’t mind working with her to cook food she feels she can manage.

LoremIpsumCici · 03/12/2024 10:14

There are teens that start swearing because they think they are being edgy and cool. My DD went through a similar phase at the same age. It was all
”What the fuck did you make that for?” (Dinner)
”I know when fucking school is, only been going for most of my life mum” (me checking she was getting up/ready)
”Hey what’s up Bitch?” (Coming home from school)

I mean it hurt at first but then I started to find humour in it because it is like the tough street girl act coming from a child trying sooo hard to act like an adult.

The rudeness is teen stroppiness. I found if I didn’t take it personally and didn’t sink to her level, she grew out of by age 16. I also would laugh at her when she said stuff like this…

Today she is in her 20s and remembers that 14yr old know it all, I’m tough and don’t need any adult to tell me what to do, get out of my space bitch phase as very cringy and says she feels bad I had to put up with her then.

SnowfallSnowball · 03/12/2024 10:16

My daughter is 18 and has never sworn at me, she wouldn’t dare as she knows better. Moodiness I get but shouting and swearing, absolutely not!

Zero tolerance is what is needed otherwise she’ll just get even worse. The swearing needs to be shut down ASAP. Calling your food shit, she can starve then, also she needs to be doing her own washing at 14 to be honest. Follow through with punishments etc.

fruitbrewhaha · 03/12/2024 10:17

I have a 14 yo dd and there is no way we’d put up with that.

If she tells you to fuck off, ok I will. No more waking her up, she sets her own alarm, gets herself up and ready for school.

Im not eating that shit. Ok, box it up and in the fridge. Don’t cook for her, she is old enough to make herself something.

Laundry, same, she can do her own.

Dont get angry and shout at her. Just stop doing things for her.