Where has all the kindness gone? Why are poolpe so selfish and mean.

[DragonsFurry]

Honestly, what is wrong with people nowadays? Am I imagining it or has the manner in which we treat each other drastically declined.

I find myself frequently either having to stand up for myself of trying very hard to overlook and ignore the crappy behaviour of others.

Maybe I'm just in a menopausal fug. Have others noticed a general decline in how people treat each other? Or is it just me getting unnecessarily more bothered about things.

No, lots of people are really nice to me. If you dress up, wear makeup and smile a lot people will be nicer. That's what I've found and I use it to my advantage. If I wear a nice sun hat I get treated like royalty :)

We can laugh but this is sad yet true. I lost weight and started doing my hair in more flattering styles and I was getting lots more people chatting to me and smiling at me, offering to help with bags etc. it’s a well known phenomena aka “pretty privilege” or thin privilege.

Of course there are exceptions but typically slimmer and / or more well groomed and conventionally attractive people receive better treatment.

I have this friend who is very slim and well dressed, beautiful smile - a lot of people think she looks like a model and I see the way they treat her. She is actually a brilliant person too but I don’t think people can tell that on sight so they are basing their treatment of her, on how she looks.

It is very area dependent. Where I live people pride themselves on being friendly and community-minded, and it attracts those sorts of people. I often joke with my partner that when we drive to my parents' town you can feel the arsehole ratio steadily increasing. When I'm there I just expect people to behave selfishly and they mostly do.

I think ultimately this is what it comes down to. It's game theory. The more people who behave badly, the more it encourages others to behave badly as otherwise you're the mug who misses the parking space or gets jostled to the back of the bus queue.

I think this also ties in with the theory that the Silent Generation dying out has had an effect. If you lose a significant proportion of "players" who tend to behave respectfully then you change the game.

I agree OP. I saw an analogy shared on social media recently talking about what spills out of a cup when it’s bumped into, and comparing it to people (kindness/hate/spite etc). It really made me think about what must be inside of some people all the time, bubbling away just below the surface. It feels like some people are so full of bitterness and self-loathing that it seeps out of them over the tiniest of obstacles.

I think this is probably the coal face of 15 years of austerity, compounded by a global pandemic. What really worries me now though is that the western world is voting in morally bankrupt politicians, who in turn are modelling terrible behaviours and dragging standards further downwards.

That’s interesting the region I live in we are told has the lowest population density in the UK and people’s comment about noise are also interesting so many people who stay with me comment about the lack of noise or rather the peace and quiet.

Do you mind saying where you live?

But on the flip side I see it on here all the time. “You had kids, you shouldn’t expect a village or help from anyone you have made your bed” “you shouldn’t expect grandparents to help you out”

We are now in a society where people don’t lend sugar to the neighbour. Family units are very nuclear. I wonder if the shift happened as more women joined the work force. Before women prompt up society with the unpaid tasks like volunteering at the church, running and organising the school fair, care givers to all ages. which was all unseen and under valued.

But that's so wrong isn't it. People shouldn't be nicer to someone because they're wearing makeup or have nice clothes. Crazy!
I'm glad people are nice to you but it shouldn't be based on appearance.

Do you mind saying where you live?

I'm in a city in the South West and my part of the city is known for having a villagey/community feel. Similar to St Werburghs in Bristol (but not).

I keep thinking of a description of people that Professor Sam Vaknin (renowned expert on narcissism) has said should be in the front of every textbook on that subject.

I quote
“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”

yes, you’ve guessed it - it’s from the Bible!
(Paul’s second letter to Timothy)

That line
“Have nothing to do with such people”
is now called ‘going no-contact’.

I don't think that's necessarily true. Think about countries with dictatorships or strict communist regimes. The general population aren't necessarily mean or nasty.

I have observed a good amount of resistant to follow simple "commands". Say, please move to the right, and guys used to move to the right. But now, they stand there saying "well, I am here, you wait to move or pass or whatever"

It would have taken her nothing to press the intercom, or teams, or email to the Dr in question and let them know " I have your patient for the current slot on the phone, she says there are some connection issues, please try xxxxx phone". Easy! But that means following someone else's direction... and who can trust other folks these days?
I think lack of trust is much at the core of it.

I think there's been an increase in scrotes on the street randomly deciding to bully me in the last couple of years. Before I would generally only be targeted if I'd done something that they regarded as a provocation (though actually it was always something I was totally entitled to do), now it just seems to happen for no reason.

I personally think people are people and it has always been this way under the hood. I think there has always been a mix of good and bad and there still is.

Some earlier posts mention the abuse scandals but they were happening decades and decades ago in these so called better times but they were tolerated and covered up because people were denied that others would do that and victim blamed. The human condition does not change much but how we project it does. I think the darker shadow side of humanity that has always been there is out on show and better understood but it has always been there just better hidden in the past.

It's funny you should mention that

I saw an article last week that said that in Russia, on the Russian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire", that a lot of the audience deliberately give the wrong answers on "ask the audience".

This is true. In my work related travels I have been shown great kindness from people living under the most brutal regimes. Astonishing and humbling.

It's funny you should mention that. I saw an article last week that said that in Russia, on the Russian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire", that a lot of the audience deliberately give the wrong answers on "ask the audience

Sadly I think it is true that corrupt leadership often filters down to higher rates of low level corruption.' I've volunteered for an amazing little charity for nearly 15 years now and have seen a massive uptick in scepticism towards charities in the last 5 years thanks to things like the Oxfam Haiti scandal and Captain Tom's family. Once you lose people's trust it's so hard to get it back.

I was recently in Canada and they had adverts on TV about supporting people’s differences and being kind. It was all Olympic focussed and it was very frequent. In papers, on radio, TV every advert break etc. The adverts had stories of immigration, new beginnings, making friends, pride, empathy and enjoying diversity.

I mean yeah they have gun crime, a massive drug issue and the country is filthy. Canada is by no means perfect.

But we came back to the UK and everyone was hating each other, riots, nasty headlines, election hate. Road rage.

The difference was quite sad tbh!

I love the UK so much I just wish people were kinder and that the government helped bring the country together a little more.

I’ve travelled a great deal, too, and I certainly wouldn't agree that it’s ’a U.K. thing’.
What is a U.K. thing, IMO, is the frequent assumption that everything is always better just about anywhere else.

Very true. There's challenges everywhere. My British friend lives in Australia and constantly belittles the UK. However, her problems have followed her there which she never wants to recognise or admit to. Instead of blaming people on benefits for all her challenges she now just blames aboriginal people. V. sad to always need to blame others.

I agree with this. Small communities are better because you do actually know each other and rely on each other to an extent. But you can’t have community without losing some of your freedom and autonomy (for example, in my village everyone knows your business!) and our individualistic culture means many people don’t want to pay that trade off, so they lose out on community.

This is true but I think it infects all parts of society and all political groups. Even the people are the lower end of the income scale have become all about what they are ‘entitled to’ and everyone has become increasingly intolerant of people who don’t share their worldview.

What’s interesting is that there’s a lot of talk about kindness but this feels fake because it isn’t underpinned by anything solid. In the past we had community solidarity, religion, post-war solidarity etc and those caused people to behave positively towards others, sometimes to sacrifice their own self-interest. It’s completely taboo to talk about duty now, whereas 80 years ago that was a big motivator for a lot of people.

The one thing I have noticed is polarisation and reductivism, especially online. Nuance has always been hard to get across online, but it seems to be worsening significantly. Many people seem unable to hold two opposing viewpoints or facts in their head at the same time and try to force others to pick a “side”.

This I think is in part due to the dumbing down of everything, plus the media.

Also the terms "woke" and "snowflake" which characterise attributes people used to be proud of having.

Interesting point and I agree. There is still some kindness around but only within communities where there is some level of accountability. As soon as you get out into the big wide world, it's every person for themselves.

Yes afraid do