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Where has all the kindness gone? Why are poolpe so selfish and mean.

133 replies

DragonsFurry · 02/12/2024 20:04

Honestly, what is wrong with people nowadays? Am I imagining it or has the manner in which we treat each other drastically declined.

I find myself frequently either having to stand up for myself of trying very hard to overlook and ignore the crappy behaviour of others.

Maybe I'm just in a menopausal fug. Have others noticed a general decline in how people treat each other? Or is it just me getting unnecessarily more bothered about things.

OP posts:
TheCanaryInThePurpleSkirt · 02/12/2024 23:09

Brash and un-real.

And, our damned phones autocorrect our words all the time!!! 😡

NordicwithTeen · 02/12/2024 23:11

I feel this. Guy literally swung in front of me in the car today, across my road to get to the turning for his gym...there's a waiting square he just ignored. While I slammed on the breaks and mouthed "wtf dude!?" he flips me the bird!

Even people I've known for a while seem to have far less patience in general, no one seems to be able to apologise any more.

WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet · 02/12/2024 23:12

"Where has all the kindness gone?"
To all the wrong places, I'm afraid...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

claratheskivvy · 02/12/2024 23:14

People seem selfish and cynical now. Everything is about extracting money from people. Kindness is seen as weakness and is exploited.

TotteringonGently · 02/12/2024 23:16

CharlotteLucas3 · 02/12/2024 22:18

No, lots of people are really nice to me. If you dress up, wear makeup and smile a lot people will be nicer. That's what I've found and I use it to my advantage. If I wear a nice sun hat I get treated like royalty :)

Samantha Brick, is that you?

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 02/12/2024 23:17

I work on the basis that I treat others how I’d like to be treated myself. It’s such a shame that others don’t. My village is lovely and friendly… but beyond…its not.

It got particularly bad a few weeks ago and a couple of days later it was a full moon. I did wonder if that had something to do with it.

amoreoamicizia · 02/12/2024 23:17

Lots of facets to this have been mentioned already but one other aspect I believe is the steady loss of the generation above the boomers. That generation were all about manners and good behaviour, very but sadly they are mostly gone and the remaining ones are not out and about any more for the most part.

This decline that everybody is noticing and commenting on is concurrent with that generation not being active in society and upholding past standards as they once did.

UnrelatedTo · 02/12/2024 23:21

Tealeavesinthecup · 02/12/2024 22:52

Also all the fake comradery. People in call centres pretending to be interested in your personal life. It devalues genuine empathy and connection.

Actually, I had to deal with complicated stuff with people in two call centres, one in the UK, one in India, this past week, and both people were incredibly friendly and thoughtful — Krishna in India was a complete star, and talked me down from my panic, sorted my complicated issue, and we discovered I’d been in his hometown, and if Hannah in Huddersfield is that nice over a twenty-minute call that involved a lot of bureaucracy, I would love to go for a drink with her.

Tealeavesinthecup · 02/12/2024 23:22

amoreoamicizia · 02/12/2024 23:17

Lots of facets to this have been mentioned already but one other aspect I believe is the steady loss of the generation above the boomers. That generation were all about manners and good behaviour, very but sadly they are mostly gone and the remaining ones are not out and about any more for the most part.

This decline that everybody is noticing and commenting on is concurrent with that generation not being active in society and upholding past standards as they once did.

Edited

I agree with this and have given it some thought.

Tealeavesinthecup · 02/12/2024 23:29

UnrelatedTo · 02/12/2024 23:21

Actually, I had to deal with complicated stuff with people in two call centres, one in the UK, one in India, this past week, and both people were incredibly friendly and thoughtful — Krishna in India was a complete star, and talked me down from my panic, sorted my complicated issue, and we discovered I’d been in his hometown, and if Hannah in Huddersfield is that nice over a twenty-minute call that involved a lot of bureaucracy, I would love to go for a drink with her.

That’s lovely to hear. I don’t like all the fake interest in my day and where I’m going on holiday or what I ate for dinner though. Sometimes it’s possible to have a genuine interaction however, and that feels so different.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/12/2024 23:31

Drugs.

So much weed smoke. And that's in just in comparatively nice areas.

claratheskivvy · 02/12/2024 23:36

amoreoamicizia · 02/12/2024 23:17

Lots of facets to this have been mentioned already but one other aspect I believe is the steady loss of the generation above the boomers. That generation were all about manners and good behaviour, very but sadly they are mostly gone and the remaining ones are not out and about any more for the most part.

This decline that everybody is noticing and commenting on is concurrent with that generation not being active in society and upholding past standards as they once did.

Edited

I noticed this when I was nursing. I always nursed elderly people and over the years the war generations died out. As time went on, the attitudes of the elderly people we then were caring for became worse and worse. I encountered some truly unpleasant people who were rude and demanding and the differences were very noticeable.

DragonsFurry · 02/12/2024 23:37

Oh yes, the generation above the boomers. My grandparents generation, born at the turn of last century. They really were together and wow, the way they sang at funerals!

Their kids are a bit shit though.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 02/12/2024 23:44

beardediris · 02/12/2024 22:33

I live in a tiny village (160 people) in a very remote location you would never pass a fellow villager in the street without at the very least smiling and saying hello and preferably stopping and having a chat. The village has a kind community orientated feel about it people help each other out look after the elderly and housebound etc. Friends and tourists who visit here comment on it. Thus in my mind proving that most people actually like human kindness.
In my village you don’t need to dress up wear make up or a sun hat for people to smile at you and just be nice.

Edited

I recognise this, and I live in a big City.

The village has a kind community orientated feel about it people help each other out look after the elderly and housebound etc.

This happens in our road Whatsapp group, as it does in streets across the City.

Katyfour · 02/12/2024 23:45

The older I get, the more bad behaviour I have seen. It has made me withdraw from society. This includes major and minor bad behaviour. I don’t trust anyone anymore. The last time I did something kind (in a supermarket), I was informed that the recipient pulled the deception on a regular basis. I don’t do anything kind now, I keep away from people.

.

Katyfour · 02/12/2024 23:47

WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet · 02/12/2024 23:12

"Where has all the kindness gone?"
To all the wrong places, I'm afraid...

Indeed this

Katyfour · 02/12/2024 23:51

beardediris · 02/12/2024 22:01

I had a close relative whose ethos on life was “always be kind” and he was. I also try to live by this. Others may disagree with it and I often read on here comments like “no good deed goes unpunished” and similar which I find rather sad. I find the always be kind is a good ethos to live by. Sometimes it backfires but most people respond well to simple kindness and it’s so much more pleasant going through life being kind to people than shitting all over them.

Being kind or shitting over people aren’t the only options though - I choose to keep well out of stuff. Due to previous experience.

DBSFstupid · 03/12/2024 00:24

LittleRedRidingHoody · 02/12/2024 20:42

It's shitty.

I do think social media, and such targeted news doesn't help. We see lots of stories about some of the worst of humanity - before, you'd see it on the news or in your newspaper, so you could control how much you saw. Now it's EVERYWHERE. Sex scandals and child abuse, really grim stuff - all over your socials, or linked into a WhatsApp, or a pop up notification. I think we also glorify it a bit too much if I'm honest.

People are also just sick of life in general. Almost everyone I know has had issue after issue the last 4 years. It's hard to be genuinely kind and thoughtful when life feels like sucker punch after sucker punch.

Nailed it👏

Fordian · 03/12/2024 00:30

I'm still 'nice' but my #BeKind has been weaponised against me once or twice too often.

I'm post-60.

2Sensitive · 03/12/2024 00:44

Yes Op, I have.
I've been treated badly by some parole this year and it blocked down to jealousy, they are miserable inside & can't bare to see any one getting in with their lives.
No my approach to them is, he said that, Ok!
You believe him, OK

Favourite Quotes
"Let Them"

Roumers are started by haters
Carried by idiots
Believed by fools

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 03/12/2024 00:53

Dosomethingusefulnow · 02/12/2024 21:30

I have a theory stupid things like people can no longer give others the left over time on their parking ticket (because they all take reg number now) twats resell free gifted items from facebook etc.
As the easy simple acts of kindness are removed so businesses/twats can make more money we see less little acts that make us feel happier about the world and the goodness of others.

Preach! I was just thinking along these lines the other day.

OAPapparently · 03/12/2024 01:00

I think that social media has caused the most problems with society. It has normalised being nasty to others. Most people seem to have experienced lots of nasty comments on posts at one time or another, and for the most part it’s just accepted. Also a lot of hate-liking and people jealous about things they are seeing people doing. Social media is a narcissists, troll and stalkers paradise, so it leaves people exposed to those sorts of behaviours, and it makes the world feel more unkind.
It’s hard to escape people now. Everyone expects everyone to be available 24/7 and most people are trying to juggle a million other commitments on top.
People are more judgemental of each other because they have been conditioned to be through social media, we are constantly expected to spend lots of money that a lot of people don’t have, and so many people seem to be living with chronic long term illnesses on top (which I think is from the stress of modern living)..
The modern world leaves nobody time to breathe, and it’s leaving everybody stressed, and therefore unpleasant.
I have nostalgia for the 1980s/1990s, but its not because of rose-tinted specs, life was just easier and less fast paced and less stressful without mobile phones and social media. People really could choose to speak/meet up with somebody when they wanted. People were less jealous of others, and everyone wasn’t striving to be a clone of each other, like a lot of people are today.

fivebyfivebuffy · 03/12/2024 01:07

Tealeavesinthecup · 02/12/2024 22:52

Also all the fake comradery. People in call centres pretending to be interested in your personal life. It devalues genuine empathy and connection.

I try and pick up on what people want
If they just want to get off the phone that's fine but if they want a chat I would much rather that and I'm genuinely interested
Give me a 20 min life story over someone yelling at me any day!

Reminds me of the woman who rang up and said "I've broken my ankle and I'm so bored, I fell off a horse. Do you have pets?"
Me "er yes.. a horse"
Her "THANK GOD, please talk to me for a bit"
Grin

Friendofdennis · 03/12/2024 01:11

When walking with my DH who is very frail and has a stick I am shocked by the people who barge past us causing him to nearly fall. He is really gracious to people but I am really freaked out by people’s disregard for us

MyDogWalksHimselfAndDoesTheHoovering · 03/12/2024 02:47

Agree OP - I live in a safe place but sometimes feel quite jumpy like my nerves are getting bad. Aggressive drivers, inconsiderate delivery vans parking anywhere they feel like and then just about banging your door down.

Roads are busy all the time. Even during the day on weekdays which used to be traditionally quiet. In fact everywhere I go no matter what time is so crowded. Does nobody work anymore.

Houses are fuller. I used to live in a new build in the nineties and a huge amount of the houses had 1 person living in them. This was 2 bed bungalows to 4 bed houses. Literally in my street I was surrounded by quietness. Today I also live in a new build estate (well 20 years old) and it is just so much louder. Plots are smaller and have less outlook and have more people in them. Each house has mostly 2 cars or more. Some have 4 cars. I mean a 4 bedroom house with 4 cars but only parking for 2 so 2 are strewn on the pavements making the place feel cluttered. Visitors have nowhere to park so park on the street. This never happened where I used to live. Houses had 1 car or 2 at most.

Christmas lights. In the nineties one neighbour used to decorate his house for charity and it was lovely. We would all go to the turning on of the lights. Now my street has flashing lights left, right and centre. In fact the houses without lights are like oddballs.

It's rush, rush, rush , loud, loud, loud, bright, bright, bright.

I jest not. I sometimes stay up during the night and read, surf the net, watch films etc just to enjoy the peace and quiet.
Then during the day I pop in ear plugs and go to bed. (retired so can do)

I feel quite anxious, jittery and find it hard to relax like I am overstimulated too much now. I used to love reading books. Going to bed early and reading for a few hours. Now replaced by reading mumsnet which I enjoy but adds to the stimulation. I've tried to go back to reading but my concentration is shot to pieces.

I honestly don't think humans are meant to be so crowded, rushed, overstimulated and it's making us all angry and a bit crazy.

Threw in constant wait times on the phone to get anything done and people are tearing their hair out.
Lack of gp's , dentists, potholes, food prices, electricity and gas prices and I think we are all just frustrated beyond belief.

I also think there is alot of 'trickery' about - scams which means we have to be guarded. Supermarkets shrinking food and thinking we don't notice when in fact we feel ripped off. Poor quality products that don't last or aren't right in the first place. No tradesman (or a nightmare to get one) or they do a shit job and you feel ripped off.

Even the dating world seems to have become much less civilised. I know I sound like an old grumpy woman (and I probably am) but it was lovely when men opened doors and brought flowers and walked on the outside of the pavement. 'Courting' and good manners seem to have disappeared to be replaced by violent, angry, some of it quite unbelievable porn which our young men are growing up with. ( Ex partners have told me things they have seen and I was quite horrified!) The nineties were a great sweet spot, women were pretty much going to uni and getting good jobs but dating was still nice and traditional. I wish I had appreciated it more.

People getting beheaded on the internet, animals getting tortured on the internet for 'fun'. Yes humans are very, very scary when I think about it. And so many children being murdered by their parents or parents boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't remember it being so constant in the news

My parents (both dead now) lived in a wee village in north scotland. When they moved there the sense of community was huge. That really died away over the years and the roads in and out of the village became so so busy. So even in the small villages you can't escape the madness. They used to have this great plumber who was super reliable, pleasant, good at his job and reasonably priced. He died, his son took over. He was unreliable, much more expensive, much more slapdash with the work and a couldn't care less attitude.

Sorry for depressing everyone!