Just got the school Christmas schedule through- how the fuck can I afford all this

[Bloodyschoolchargingforshit]

2 dc in primary school.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.

Apparently the school has won an award for bringing the cost of the school day down, they only got it because all this is 'voluntary' but they do it in such a way I'll feel like a cunt if my kids miss out, they sign the kids up for stuff and expect them to be there for such a short period I can't get home and back, so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in. Plus I'm a single parent so the only one who can go to this stuff.

That's near £50 in the next 2 weeks, I could honestly cry.

(Not a begging post or anything, just a bloody rant).

Yes, it definitely happened to my child - eligible for free school meals and undergoing cancer treatment at the time. They also rang me (never put anything in writing) and told me he wasn't to come to school for 2 weeks because they didn't have enough staff to support him (he's supposed to have a TA help him move around from lessons to playground etc., so he doesn't injure himself). Then had the gall to mark him as an unexplained absence for that 2 week period. I suppose if it didn't happen to me I would doubt such absolute rubbish goes on too, but it does.

Op, firstly you sound blind a great mum, and it’s fine to go to every performance if it’s important to you. I would definitely shirk some of the other costs - how is online jumper day paid for? If online I’d just give a quid if I were you. I’d also try and drop the mindset of not wanting them to miss out - I’m sure they’ll be able to cope without a hot chocolate at the choir event for example.

Some kids can get distressed if you're not there.

Though I mainly did one play as it was often just down to me and asked other mothers they knew to wave- and in first primary for a few years each age group was grouped into 2 years - so 60 approx. each year - so I had 3 plays to get to due to age gaps of my three if I just went once to each.

It's Christmas, just take some of the money out of your Christmas present stash. The DC will remember these experiences in school/with friends more than a big heap of presents.
And take other posters' advice where you think it's sensible, eg only go to one nativity (by the time you get to Y6 with more than one child in primary you will be relieved it is only one each, unless your DC is the star).

Ex - who had picked up very embarrassed and crying DS from school that day - wrote an extremely shitty email about the inappropriateness of this to the school, who backed down on the enforced donation in this instance, but didn't apologise.

Please don't feel you need to be at every performance, the point of them doing 2 performances is to ensure everyone can go once, I only ever went to one and my exh went to only a couple of events in their whole childhood (which gets thrown back at him trying to get dad of the year!)

You can certainly avoid half this expenditure without asking for help from the school

Unfortunately I don't have a stash of money, I pick up presents throughout the year so they have plenty of gifts, and I've been buying food and stashing it away too, so we really do have plenty of what we need and treats etc, just not necessarily a spare £50 kicking about for all the school stuff.

They won't miss out, I've adjusted my budget so it's just about doable for me, but it shouldn't have to be. The school should have more sense than to pile pressure on parents (and, yes, I'm piling pressure on myself too, I know, I will work on that).

Please don't feel guilty you can't be at everything.

I am also a LP and work in education.

I went to hardly anything except special assemblies of ds was getting an award at end of key stage.

My mum went to anything during school day and only to one performance.

Even children with 2 parents at home won't have them at every single thing due to work, family commitments.

Unfortunately I don't have a stash of money, I pick up presents throughout the year so they have plenty of gifts, and I've been buying food and stashing it away too, so we really do have plenty of what we need and treats etc, just not necessarily a spare £50 kicking about for all the school stuff.

It's how we do Christmas as well - other on here don't have to and seem flummoxed by this approach.

I think that partly why it gets missed so much - it never a lot but it adds up and you don't want upset kids so feel you have to find it and with tight budgets it's hard.

If you can get a group of parents together to raise the issue that can make more impact - first school had this with dress up days there were too many and homework but it was a group going so it couldn't be dismissed as a one person problem.

I get this is going against popular opinion but it sounds like the school have put a lot of time and effort into making sure the children (and parents!) have an enjoyable festive run up to Christmas. They will have extra costs associated with this that the budget won’t stretch to that need to be covered somehow. I’m sure that the teachers themselves who are supervising these out of school hours nativities etc won’t be getting paid for that time so realistically they are the ones most out of pocket! A lot will currently also putting their hands in their own pockets to make the Christmas run up special. I personally would accommodate what you can in your budget be grateful someone has given up their personal time unpaid rather than bitching and moaning.

You don't have to do it or pay the suggested amount and you don't have to watch all of the performances. Do what you can afford and don't feel guilty for the rest. Let your dc join in but explain how tight things are for you so what would they like you to support - what is most important to them?

I honestly think speaking with school and say this is problematic would be helpful. School tries to raise funds, which is fair enough but ultimately, can't force it. Often they do try to support those that need. Perhaps your children would qualify for pupil premium and they would ensure that funds are provided for all sorts of activities.

I am very grateful to the teachers, they are amazing.

I am also allowed to moan about the cost of all this stuff too.

I will definitely raise it with the school after the holidays so they can put more thought into the costs next year.

Absolutely outrageous. And a micro cosm of all that is wrong with society.

Every damn thing is monetised.

You’re all heart, aren’t you.

Straight to the Governors with that!

Christmas present stash

A digusting phrase if ever there was one. Which child needs a stash? Some people don't even have food or heating, never mind a stash.

so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in do that then. Parents only usually go to 1 show

It is rubbish. At our school they basically let you in to all stuff for free if you have a quiet word (though never heard of being charged for plays).

You definitely don't need someone at every performance. We have three performances and are only allowed two (free!) tickets per household, so there's always going to be one performance with no-one there.

I completely agree with someone up thread who said schools should just tell us how much money to send in at the beginning of December. Ask for a donation if people can afford it, and don't ask pupil premium families. I would happily pay a bit extra when we can afford it to cover those who can't.

We've had a drip-feed of dates and events and fancy dress reminders and requests for money since after October half-term and I've no idea if I've remembered everything because there's no one source of truth.

We can only go to one for ours. I wouldn't worry about all the performances.

I'd also ask your kids if they really want the class enterprise stuff.

Mine are good at knowing 'we can get this but instead we could do this'.

I would write and say this is a lot in December though. You won't be the only one thinking it.

Or at the very least ask if they could provide a list of likely costs at the beginning of the year or term. Our school does this and it's helpful.

Schools run multiple performances of nativity plays because they probably don't have capacity for everyone who wants to attend to do so all at once and to give everyone a chance to watch it as they might not be able to make one of the dates. If all parents attend all performances then you are taking the seats of parents who couldn't attend the day before.

If I were you I’d pay for one nativity and one choir ticket per child, and ignore the rest. They aren’t going to take you to court over it, and eventually they’ll get bored of emailing.

I stopped counting at £45! That's almost a week's food bill for you.

As for: Last lot of PTA money that was spent was on the staff room getting done up that is really shocking.

I would write to the headteacher and outline it just as you have here and say that you want to be involved, you want your kids to be involved, but if you do spend that your children will suffer at home. It's just not fair. All the children should have the same rights to those experiences, not just those people with money to spare.

Some parents at our school complained at the last PTA meeting about the cost of everything, we have to pay for our nativity tickets too so I understand. I hate it when they ask for a 'volutary' contribution to a school trip and then say but if there's not enough to cover it then none of the children can go, massive guilt trip!