Just got the school Christmas schedule through- how the fuck can I afford all this

[Bloodyschoolchargingforshit]

2 dc in primary school.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.

Apparently the school has won an award for bringing the cost of the school day down, they only got it because all this is 'voluntary' but they do it in such a way I'll feel like a cunt if my kids miss out, they sign the kids up for stuff and expect them to be there for such a short period I can't get home and back, so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in. Plus I'm a single parent so the only one who can go to this stuff.

That's near £50 in the next 2 weeks, I could honestly cry.

(Not a begging post or anything, just a bloody rant).

I hear you op!
there was one term I ended up having to give the school 25% of my measley earnings for one thing or another.
between cake sales, no uniform days etc etc it all adds up.
we missed more than one school fete because I couldn’t afford it.

It’s hard, secondary is easier in some sense but uniform, food and supply expectations (laptops, mobiles) are higher.

Wow - that is absolutely appalling!

@Bloodyschoolchargingforshit

How about emailing the school and offering to set up a payment plan to cover the stupid costs? Say about £3 or £4 per month until the debt is paid off?

It would highlight your financial predicament and also underline how ridiculous and offensive it is to be nickel and diming parents to death at a time when finances are so tight for so many.

Op re the multiple performances, I think posters are trying to make the point that most kids don't have someone in the audience at every performance and your kids definitely won't be the odd ones out, so you can definitely let yourself off the hook for that one.

I would write an email to the head pointing out that their communications with families haven't been very sensitive to the fact that many will be struggling, with some going without necessities in order to not to feel that they are 'letting down' their kids. That the ethos of the school and its activities should have inclusion at its heart, so does s/he agree that school communications should be stressing that the children won't be penalised if these 'donations' are unaffordable?

I think you've had some unnecessarily unhelpful replies on here @Bloodyschoolchargingforshit
The point of your post was about the cost of all this stuff - no one should be questioning why you attend both plays. (which for the record I'd be wanting to do the same in your position and be in the audience)

My kids are almost adult now so I'm a bit out of touch - but back in our primary days the school would of never charged for going to a nativity play - nor expected you to pay to get into the school fete.

The ONLY way to tackle this is to address is properly with the school. Arrange for a meeting with the head to discuss all these costs. Make sure you tot up everything like you have done in your OP to emphasize how much the total is. Dont make it about you though - as you say there are other parents at the school who are possibly finding it even harder than you.
Suggest the move the enterprise activity to another point in the year so that doesn't land at Xmas. Remind them that all these costs should be voluntary.

Other families now and in the future will thank you for raising it as an issue - and if more of the parents also raised it with the school they will take notice

I would send in a 50p donation for the jumper day. The donations should be going to Save The Children anyway so it is a charity donation. I would only watch the nativity play once. I was only able to watch my daughter once in her plays (watching twice was banned!) and she was ok with it. Enterprise Day is a little more tricky.

The point here isn't whether OP needs to attend every nativity. It's the shit way all the small 'voluntary' school costs add up to a massive whack at Christmas, right when other costs are piling in too.

Paying to attend your kid's nativity is truly rubbish -thank god the schools I'm involved in don't do that. The PTA always have a refreshments stand to raise money at these things instead, which is well supported but also totally fine not to take part in.

Of course things are technically 'optional' but who doesn't want to do the best for their kid especially at Christmas? I'd write this out (with the costings) to the head to show how it adds up and is building in unnecessary inequality between those that can and can't contribute financially.

I'm in the US and my kids' school sent a school supplies list every year that included boxes of tissues, rolls of paper towels, antibacterial wipes, zip lock bags in various sizes, crayons X 3, paints, markers X 3, packets of pencils, folders, binders, composition notebooks, rulers, protractor sets for one year, special scrapbook binder for one year ($30 each), packets of loose-leaf hole punched paper X 4, wire bound notebooks in specific colours X 5, bottles of white school glue X 3, glue sticks X 3, I had up to four DCs in the school at most. It added up. I probably spent about $200 every year on that list.

Then there were sports fees, school trips, endless raffles, ice cream sales, bake sales, out-of-uniform day contributions, whip arounds for disaster relief, contributions for special pizza lunches, and so much more. The school asked for $200 per year per family as a mandatory contribution, and there was a massive school auction that I never went to that netted thousands in funding. It was an RC school, so fee-paying, and we could just about afford it, but the constant cap in hand business wore me out.

I still think charging parents to attend a Nativity is ridiculous, and charging parents for craft stuff the kids made (who else would want to buy that?) is beyond cheeky fuckery. It's not as if the kids can opt out of these things.

Wasnt the idea of pupil premium meant to help kids in school? I would ask if my pupil premium covered these ridiculous extras if you get it OP. Its crap it really is this lot thats expected

You don’t have to do it all. Some parents will never send their child in with any money.

I completely sympathise. I think charging for nativity plays is disgraceful behaviour. My year 1 child is required to to perform 4 times at a cost of £2 per ticket, per performance. I also think it’s an absolute pisstake that two of these performances are at 6pm, when he’s been at school all day and one of them will clash with his and my other child’s swimming lessons, which I have already paid £16 for.

They do, however, try to bully parents into "donating" money for school-based activities - which are part of the curriculum - regularly throughout the year. I find this bad enough, but if you don't "donate", they read your poor child's name out in class, deliberately embarassing them in front of everyone and telling them they can't be in class that day unless their parents "donate". It's a pretty shit state of affairs.

How is this even possible? With all the schools staff being constantly trained in up to date safeguarding, how on earth are they able to get away with this sort of behaviour. Are they taken out of class? Unbelievable! What are the parents doing about this?

Thanks all.

Just to clarify, school never reported me to SS for neglect or whatever.

Around here you need to be referred for food bank parcels and charity gifts, I think you can either do it through the HV or SS, so they contacted SS to refer me for a food parcel and gifts, not to report me.

Some of the stories of schools charging for things are absolutely shocking.

I know that some of the nativity situation is my own doing/me being a martyr to some degree, I honestly do. I just want my kids to know that they have someone there for them at all times. If that means sitting through endless nativities and plays and assemblies and all all the rest of it, then I'll do it, I just want a bit of a moan about the cost of it all.

They have 2 plays each, one during school, one after school, but I always show up for both, they only have me so I tie myself in knots to be there for everything for them.

That’s on you. Don’t go to the one during the school day. You being the only one they have has nothing to do with it.

So they told pupils they couldn't be in class because their parents didn't donate?

If you are in the UK I don't believe that happened.

Are you for real??

Email the head with exactly what you have posted here

If things are tight, you can...

...raise with the school that this is a lot of money overall at a time of year which many people find difficult.

...send them in jumpers but email the school to say you cannot afford an extra £4 at this time of year.

... pay for one nativity or one per child if their nativities are separate, dropping that cost from £10 to either £2.50 or £5.

... skip the enterprise thing.

... have something else scheduled for the Christmas fayre day ("oh what a shame, that's the day we have dental checkups/have to visit auntie Susan").

... skip paying for hot chocolates at the choir thing - they'll be overpriced and not very nice, so just bring your own drink in flasks for afterwards.

... give the children a budget for them to pick some Christmas activities and skip the rest. Nobody needs to do every raffle they come across or enter every colouring contest.

If the school give you grief, remind them what "voluntary" means and about guidance about not excluding children through financial barriers. If they start suggesting food banks again, explain to them that you don't need that.

One year with 3 DC in a not particularly affluent area I added up costs across 3 kids in primary in December and got £225 - none of it a lot by itself but it mounted up.

Then had a shock in secondary when they did reward trips - by some of those could be very pricy £30+ - nice idea but if toy don't pay my kids would stay in school with poorly behaved kids who didn't qualify though many of those bunked off. Though they did amend that in recent years so they try and do stuff with kids who qualify but cant afford the trips.

Go to 1 nativity @2.50 (have you got friends you could ask to be "surrogate Mum" for the others so they just give them a wave and tell them they were great afterwards? Maybe you can return the favour for their kids?)
Pay the enterprise charge (£18)
Pay choir but no hot choc (£5)
join the PTA and help at the fayre so you don't have pay entrance
Ignore christmas jumpers, raffles, colouring in and baubles

That's down to £25.50..

It’s a valid question, why would you? One is more than enough

Do your DC get free school lunches? In England, if they do, or ever have, the school get Pupil Premium payments for them and could spend some of it on some of those things. You could write to the Head /governors pointing out all the expenses, as you’ve done for us, and saying you will pay them and are not asking for special help but perhaps they don’t realise how hard it is for some families.

Because all that matters to the children is that someone is there for them in the audience, so if you can, you would want to, surely?